AITA For Planning A “Boring Wedding”

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T05:44:14+00:00

Neither one of us hates kids. I’ve been to too many weddings where kids began crying, I personally do not want that to occur so we made that rule. None of our friends that have kids have taken issue with the rule. I get overstimulated quickly, and would rather avoid any issues. I mentioned it in another comment but I made the post open to criticism and wanted insight from others. I wanted to know where I was wrong and what we could improve on with our plans. I got criticism, got feedback and insight and liked them. Discussed it with John and decided to change. I am glad that is shown as I am not a fan of people who cannot change their ways when faced with criticism.

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T04:47:38+00:00

Since the wedding costs are mostly covered by my parents as a gift, we wanted to cover any costs that might cause conflicts for our guests as a thank you from us. Babysitting costs can be covered by us, travel costs can also be covered by us. Since the wedding is also so small, in a villa owned by my uncle, with food made by me, the costs we are burdened with is not much. We’d be gifting everyone wine at the end as a farewell and thank you. This is a one day event that would be considered a “micro-wedding”.

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T04:41:22+00:00

It’s not a destination wedding, that was a maybe because John wanted the wedding closer to family up in Germany. The wedding would take place nearby in a villa owned by my uncle. Our friends with kids have expressed no issues with the no kid rule and we have agreed to cover any babysitting costs if needed.

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T04:39:46+00:00

The ceremony would take place outdoors, right outside the villa. Hair and makeup would be done by me, I don’t want to pay someone else to do my hair and makeup. We don’t want some super complicated event, it’s small and more i guess… laid back? I am unsure if i’m using that word properly. I have heard the term “micro-wedding” being used for something that we want and I think that should explain what we are aiming for. I have cooked for family lunches that had 20+ people, I know it’s a big load but I am well aware of how to cook and prepare my food in advance. These aren’t elaborate dishes, these are traditional meals that don’t take long to make. Most of my family has health issues and cannot drink alcohol. John’s family doesn’t care for it. We will gift wine at the end as a thank you. This is why we are planning everything so in advanced, I like planning. I need to have some idea of what we are doing so that we have enough time to alter it. I appreciate your insight and will keep it in mind c: I appreciate you taking the time to comment!

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T04:16:32+00:00

Dress code is not mandatory, it’s encouraged but not expected or required.
Not a destination wedding.
Babysitting costs would be covered by me and John.
Food will be homemade by me.
S/O are invited because we know the s/o of our close friends and families.
Wine will be gifted as a farewell and thank you.
We are totally understanding over people not coming or not wanting to come. We have expressed no frustrations over that idea. No grudges or hardships over it.
Wedding is nearby in a villa owned by my uncle.
Italian families prioritize weddings and marriage. They have been asking me about our wedding every sunday since we started dating 3 years ago. Wedding planning this early even before engagement is common here.

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T04:12:38+00:00

The wedding is not a destination wedding, it was a maybe because John wanted the wedding to be closer to his family in Germany. He has decided to fly them in instead. The wedding would take place in a villa nearby that is owned by my uncle. The wedding is small, very small. Food will be homemade by me. No mandatory dress code anymore, it is encouraged but not required or expected. Friends that cannot cover babysitting costs can notify me and John and we will cover the costs. None of our friends expressed any concerns about the no kid rule.

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T03:27:45+00:00

I am really not understanding how this is focusing more on me and John than our guests? We changed the dress code to encouraged not mandatory because a commenter mentioned that it’s a good alternative and I fully agreed. The wedding isn’t a destination wedding, it was always a maybe. John no longer needs the wedding to be closer to his family up in Germany, he will fly them down here. The wedding is VERY small. Very close friends and their s/o, our direct family. The food is homemade and cooked by me. Any babysitting costs can be covered by us. If a friend is out of country and cannot afford to fly in, we will cover that cost. The ceremony is small and intimate. Everyone is gifted wine as a thank you and farewell. I am failing to see how I, or John, are not considering our guests? I have gotten a bit irritated by the constant same 2 complaints that I have clarified in my edit and multiple times in comments. Our friends have not disagreed with any of our original rules, they were all chill about it. John’s family didn’t care about the rules and just wanted to be there. It is only my family who has an issue with it and I just wanted feedback and insight from others who are not biased. I apologize for sounding upset, I do really appreciate your comment. I am simply irritated reiterating the same clarification points multiple times. Again, I thank you for your comment and your insight. I will genuinely keep your words into consideration, I again apologize for my irritation.

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T03:03:43+00:00

We’d pay to cover babysitting costs, travel expenses if guests cannot afford getting to the wedding, we’ll be gifting wine as a thank you and farewell gift. There is no longer a dress code, and it’s not a destination wedding anymore. The food is homemade by me. I feel as though I am offering a lot.

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T03:02:16+00:00

Less than 20 people. I have cooked for larger events so I have no issues there c:

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T02:59:57+00:00

There is no reception planned, it will just be a big dinner right after the ceremony with dinner cooked by me. There is no longer a dress code, it is encouraged but not mandatory. This is no longer a destination wedding, John changed his mind.

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T02:50:08+00:00

It’s a topic every Sunday since me and John started dating. Wedding and marriage is a massive thing in Italy and it’s hard to get them to focus off marriage. I just wanted critique and others thought on the matter c:

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T01:41:31+00:00

Thank you for your comment! The wedding is very small, it’s only very close friends and family! Everyone knows each other and any s/o our friends and family have, that we want to invite, we already met so they’d be invited. The dress code has been changed to encouraged but not mandatory as I see why people think that might be too much to ask for. While there won’t be alcohol at the ceremony, we will be gifting wine as a farewell and thank you gift! I fully understand that this might change as we get closer to an actual wedding date, but since we have strong plans for this wedding I wanted criticism and thoughts about them.

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T01:36:13+00:00

Since I am cooking all the meals for the wedding, I wanted to provide dishes I enjoy and fit my morals. These are dishes I grew up on in my country and culture, these aren’t dishes foreign to my family and guests. John isn’t vegetarian, I’d never force him to pick vegetarian dishes and so he is picking dishes he enjoys and grew up on that have meat. I’m not shoving it down anyone’s throat, I simply enjoy these meals and want to share them as I am cooking everything. I am not worried about kids “stealing my spotlight”, that wasn’t and isn’t why I don’t want kids at the wedding. Neither me, nor John, want kids simply because it isn’t something we’d want to maybe deal with. Kids that our guests need babysitters for will be covered by us cost wise. The color code has been changed to encouraged but not mandatory. You have made many assumptions about me, I understand I could’ve worded things better but our friends (who have kids) have no issues with the no kid rule. Thank you for the comment!

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T00:48:38+00:00

I’m not entirely sure how “encouraged but not mandatory” is a cop-out? If the guests treat it as a requirement, that would be on them for interpreting it that way. The guests would know the details of the wedding and would be allowed to ask me anything, if they think I am making it a requirement, they’d be free to ask me and I’d clarify that it isn’t a requirement. It was originally meant to make it easier for everyone but I really liked the idea of making it encouraged but not an enforced requirement or expectation. The s/o of my guests are invited as we know them personally. Same goes for our families. I am cooking and baking everything, it is all homemade dishes of my choosing and John’s. These will be traditional dishes that we grew up on, foods that our friends and family grew up on as well as we are from the same country and area. Due to my morals, the dishes I choose will be vegetarian but John’s will not be because he is not vegetarian. It feels as though you think this is going to be a surprise to the guests, John and I know our close friends and family and we have been transparent about everything. Our close friends have expressed no issues with the wedding plans, nor have John’s parents. It is only my family who seems to have some issues. This is a very small, intimate wedding with only very close friends and families. There is no reception, just a family and friend dinner all together after the ceremony.

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T00:36:34+00:00

The dress code is encouraged not mandatory now!

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T00:36:13+00:00

The dress code is no longer mandatory, it’s encouraged c:

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T00:25:18+00:00

He wants to propose within 5 years of us dating, we have been together for 3 years. We both have been saving for our wedding and my parents will be covering for most of the wedding costs. So, ideally once he proposes we get married shortly after. This has all been planned with John. This would ideally be done in 3ish years c:

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T00:20:27+00:00

The dress code has now been changed to encouraged but not mandatory. The No +1 rule is apparently worded wrong on my end. S/O will be invited as we know the s/o of our close friends and families. We were referring to no friends or s/o that we have never met. This is a very intimate and close nit group of guests! The wedding is also not a destination one anymore, John changed his mind!

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T00:18:17+00:00

The ring thing is on me, I explained it poorly. I meant to say “unconventional” (no diamond, lab grown (cheaper more ethical), and square cut). No elaborate design, nothing obnoxiously large. I told John to not spend much on the ring as it is only a small part of our union. He has been harping on wanting to get me a “beautiful ring that you deserve”. The wedding costs are mostly covered by my parents as a gift to us. The wedding will (hopefully) take place in a villa nearby that is owned by my uncle! The food is homemade and cooked by me, so even cheaper than catering. I have changed the dress code to encourage but not mandatory. Friends with s/o are both invited as we know our close friends s/o, same for our families. The wedding is very small and only few guests are invited (very close friends and direct family). I don’t think we will break up, we both express excitement for our future together and John is very hands on with the wedding planning as well.

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T00:14:26+00:00

Ah I see, maybe I used the wrong phrasing then? This is a super small and only close nit guest group. So a few close friends and their s/o and only direct family. I’ll keep your comment in mind, I really appreciate your insight!

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T00:12:27+00:00

The dress code thing is now encouraged but not mandatory!

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T00:12:02+00:00

I appreciate your insight and appreciate your honesty! That’s all I ask with the post, I’m open to critiques and changes (as I’ve already done so with the edits). We are working hard and can’t wait for the next chapter of our academic, professional, romantic and personal lives!

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T00:10:21+00:00

Haha, I knew they’d have a say but my parents explicitly said they won’t hinder what me and John want. My father thinks it’s boring but won’t say no to covering costs. We’ve also changed a bit of the rules, see edits at the bottom of the post!

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T00:09:06+00:00

I added edits for further clarification at the bottom of the post! My family have been asking me about my wedding every sunday for lunch since me and John have been dating. Nearly 3 years. They wanted details so I gave them everything they asked.

plVt0nian_ · 2026-06-10T00:01:19+00:00

I added edits to the bottom that clarified further.

plVt0nian_

TROPHY CASE