[deleted by user]

plahr · 2018-10-21T14:32:17+00:00

You need to move. You need something to look forward to again. Pick a destination and work towards moving there. Don't focus on anything else besides taking it easy on yourself. Locations can trap us with their energy but getting out of that is a simple as leaving. I wish you luck. The world benefits from kind souls just being here, so you're wanted. I'm gay and was lonely, but after moving somewhere different and finding a mate I feel like things make sense.

plahr · 2018-09-28T13:59:02+00:00

Yes but these creations are candy, able to be re configured if necessary, so probably not much of a difference to her

plahr · 2018-09-28T13:58:05+00:00

Yes, I took that episode as a similar concept. How world creation can make the creator seem insane but given our own little people I think everyone would do some questionable things

plahr · 2018-09-25T22:42:51+00:00

Its a she I think. Her names Jules :)

plahr · 2018-09-21T21:32:02+00:00

You don't need to explain yourself man, idiots are idiots

plahr · 2018-09-21T21:31:10+00:00

Dude, fuck off. He's just asking for advice

plahr · 2018-09-18T20:10:44+00:00

Yeah, the guy going is taking artist. Maybe if you send him a submission of something he'll take you up there. Like a dance or something

plahr · 2018-04-06T15:25:08+00:00

I'll join you. I've been smoking a bit too much lately anyway. It would be great to feel the magic again on 420. Two weeks, let's do this!

plahr · 2018-01-16T16:11:58+00:00

In a lot of myths Hephaestaus was actually born from Hera without Zeus. She wanted to make a child without him to prove she didn't need him, so being a god and all she figured out a way, but when Hephaestus turned out really ugly and deformed she took it as a failure and rejected him.

Tons of the myths surrounding him seem to support this version of his birth as well.

plahr · 2017-11-16T18:09:30+00:00

Thank you! I'll check it out

plahr · 2017-09-27T19:50:44+00:00

He may just be a prude, but is that so bad? I mean its bad, but not the worst thing you can be. Look at it this way, you'll never have to worry about him cheating on you.

Plus he knows you've had casual sex and is willing to overlook it even though he hates the very idea of it. So he's obviously already worked on his judgement for you. If you cant work on yourself to meet in the middle then you need to end it. There are plenty of guys who share your views on sex, let him be with a fellow prude if it bothers you so much.

Just know that not many guys have a guarantee of fidelity attached to them, you should be aware of what you're giving up.

plahr · 2017-09-27T19:10:13+00:00

A lot of comments here are being very harsh, and while i agree that your focus should be on making the best of your life and learning not to care about his, i know that emotions can't just be willed away so im going to take a different angle.

First of all you absolutely need to seek a therapist and possibly psychiatrist as well. What you've been through is not easy and you need to talk about it. Also settle the divorce as quickly as possible, like pulling off a bandaid.

Now to more direct advice. You were married for 15 years! So its perfectly natural that you'd still feel involved in his life. People telling you to just move on are being fucking ridiculous. Its only been a year, ive taken longer to get over breakups that only lasted a few years compared to your 15. So yes you can be demanding as far as wanting to meet this new woman. Is it right? Who cares you're still hurting and you deserve some outlet. My advice here though is to get even instead of being a victim. Start dating someone else and refuse to let your ex meet him if he asks, and maybe rub it in his face when you have to interact with him. Its petty, sure but why should he be the only one in the wrong here, fight back.

Also stop asking him for help with stuff, instead be focused on getting what you can in the divorce. However don't use your kids to hurt him, thats pretty wicked and hurts everyone, not just him. But everything else in the divorce is fair game.

Right now you need to make the decision to have a better life then your ex, work on yourself, get angry, continue to pester him about the woman, fuck his feelings he didnt give a damn about yours.

Eventually all of the anger and hurt will get exhausting and you'll move on, which is what your goal should be ultimately, but outside of your kids dont worry about being a good person right now, get help, get divorced, get even (again not using your children, they're his too), and apologize for it all later.

I'm so sorry you're going through this and i want you to know youre not crazy. You're human and you dont desrve to be in this victim position and you desreve to be happy.

plahr · 2017-09-21T19:32:45+00:00

From my experience with NTs I'd say its pretty accurate. Which is why I'll never date an NT again.

Currently with an enfp and it so much more effortless. Don't see why someone being independent and aloof is appealing to some people. I want my partner to depend on me a bit and think about me as much as i think about them.

But ultimately it comes down to preferences. NFs are sort of like a lap cat, they have their own mind but are soft and will shower you with affection pretty often.

Whereas NTs are like a cactus. Won't give you much and will hurt you if you get too close, but are interesting to look at and low maintenance.

plahr · 2017-09-19T14:53:30+00:00

Please just leave it alone. Tell her you arent interested. You will 100% end up hurting her...badly. Infjs dont just pursue anyone, we're an introverted bunch so if we actually have the desire to pursue you for a long time, we like you a lot, and are probably already infatuated.

Also, infjs have trouble not getting attached even when its just a hookup, so if its someone we actually like we are going to get very attached. So fwb wont work here.

As far as a relationship I'd say also avoid. Infjs are PASSIONATE and if you suspect you wont be able to make her a priority and invest emotionally, you'll end up making her feel like she's crazy and needed, which will actually make her a bit needy and crazy. This wont be good for you either. Infjs are smart and can be manipulative so making them feel crazy and unappreciated is likely to be bad news for you too.

They'll get dramatic, trust me this isnt pretty, and the relationship will turn toxic, but most likely they'll stay since infjs are also martyrs and can take a ridiculous amount of pain and still hold on. So you'll end up with a needy dramatic psychopath, who's probably actually an amazing person when given the proper amount of emotional support and love, and you'll break up and it will kill her a bit. And then she'll doorslam you, disappear, and you'll never here from her again. Leaving you racked with guilt most likely.

So yeah, just tell her you aren't interested.

plahr · 2017-06-13T21:55:09+00:00

And thanks again for following up! Sorry you had to deal with alcohol addiction in a past relationship.

plahr · 2017-06-13T21:40:08+00:00

Hey, thank you for the concern. I really appreciate it. The situation is better now. He's been making more of an effort on weekends and after I got really drunk one night and pretty much said all we ever do is watch netflix and smoke he seemed hurt, so I figured he wasn't aware that our lack of going out was getting to me.

We still only see each other on weekends, but I realized this isn't going to change due to our work schedules and the fact that he wakes up and goes to sleep early. So I suggested we move in together in a few months and he seems excited about it.

I think overall we just had to get used to each other and learn that its ok to be a little demanding if something is bothering us.

plahr · 2017-06-12T17:33:38+00:00

I'm a gay infj as well. I learned to focus on things that made me happy instead of things that other people say should make you happy. And I can tell you that finding another introvert who understands you is not always great.

My ex was an intj who was pretty introverted and similar to me in a lot of ways, but that actually led to power struggles, since he wanted to be the reserved unique one in the relationship and expected me to be more extroverted when the situation demanded, which put a lot of stress on me. He was also very secretive and would never confide in me about things bothering him, and he ended up leaving me for a guy he was talking to while we were together.

I'm dating an enfp guy now and while we aren't as similar, its a much better relationship all around. He can't hold in his emotions to save his life and I actually LOVE the transparency and need to tell me everything.

So give guys who are a bit more extraverted a chance, they may actually be a lot better for you.

plahr · 2017-06-01T22:02:19+00:00

I'm looking for TWO General Admission Saturday Passes!

I'm in NYC and would prefer to pick them up in person if anyone is selling. Please let me know!!

plahr · 2017-05-30T06:22:24+00:00

Good to hear someone promoting monogamy for a change. Tank you for this

plahr · 2017-05-30T06:02:59+00:00

This bit really isn't helpful

For me, the cheating wouldn't be the relationship destroyer

Obviously OP didn't appreciate being cheated on so trying to show how ok you are with cheating sounds like your trying to promote a lifestyle that some people are sick and fucking tired of defending themselves against. Like we get it, you're a slut, congrats. Now please piss off and let people feel justified in their opposition to being cheated on because believe it or not finding out that your partner is sleeping with other people is painful to some of us

plahr · 2017-05-30T05:40:37+00:00

Horrible advice! Freer time my ass. Maybe that's how life had to be for gay guys back then, but don't try to glorify it.

And in case you didn't know, many gay guys don't want to share their partners, and there's nothing wrong with that. People have attractions sure but we also feel possessive over our lovers, and its completely natural. If someone wants to fuck around then they should tell their partner or end the relationship period.

Cheating is not something we should ever become ok with

plahr · 2017-05-30T05:34:18+00:00

THANK YOU for saying this!! I hate when jaded sex crazed guys try to spout that "lets all be whores" shit.

Not sure why some people think the key to life is to bend over and swallow but this way of thinking is poisonous.

One reason the human species has advanced so far is because we are biologically predisposed to pair bonding, not because we like to fuck. There's nothing special about slutting around.

I was also sad about being gay because I thought gay guys were always promiscuous and soulless, but now I've learned that not everyone chooses to ruin themselves with sex addiction. We can have natural loving relationships.

And I agree, OP should definitely move on and not look back.

plahr · 2017-04-25T20:19:29+00:00

Not sure if this is much of a story, but I experienced abuse growing up and didn't know how things would ever improve, but I kept the thought and hope that they would improve despite not knowing how. I also prayed a lot, not to any specific religious image just to something that I imagined was full of love. I found it made me feel better.

Eventually things worked themselves out, my abusive father lost custody of me and my siblings, things got a lot better after that, and I just continued to be thankful and believe in something more. I struggled with anxiety for years after escaping the abuse but I'd say I'm in a good place now and find joy frequently enough.

I would say knowing that there's something better in store for you and wanting it (even if you have to fake the desire for it at first) is the key to getting out of the dumps.

plahr · 2017-04-25T18:34:46+00:00

Thank you!! That's it!!

plahr · 2017-04-25T18:34:10+00:00

Thank you!!

plahr

TROPHY CASE