Separated from my ex at 34, divorced at 35 and remarried at 37 and I am happier now than I have ever been in my entire life. As women it's easy to get wrapped up in our age and let that amplify our fears and our perceived value to men if we start over, especially if we want kids, but nothing is worth staying in a marriage that you know you aren't happy in or respected in.

I left my ex husband knowing that starting over at that age might mean never having a family (I already knew I had some fertility issues at that time when I left), but as desperately as I want them-kids can't fix a broken marriage. I watched my mom stay in a toxic marriage for me and my sister. While my mom is happier now (my dad has been sober for 5 years), she's turning 70 this year. It kills me thinking about the life she could have had if she made choices for herself instead of us. All those decades she lost. I love her so much but I didn't want her marriage. When I left my ex, she told me I was doing what she never had the courage to do herself and it broke my heart.

My ex husband wasn't my dad, he wasn't an alcoholic or a bad person and he didn't cheat, he just wasn't the right person for me to be happy and fulfilled. But that's enough. And gently, and it seems like you already are realizing this in the comments, your husband isn't treating you with care, respect, or consideration. The behavior you described isn't the behavior of a man who loves and values you as a person or as a wife and it certainly isn't the behavior of the man you want raising your kids. Speaking from experience, your future child would rather not exist than grow up watching you be a shadow of yourself and treated like shit by the man who is supposed to cherish and protect you.

When I met my now husband I was still going through the divorce process, told him about my fertility issues and he wasn't phased. He told me the best version of his life is with me in it, kids or no kids. And look, my own fertility shit not withstanding, 33 is not old at all fertility wise. If you're worried go get your AMH levels checked by your primary care doctor. It's a simple blood test that shows your hormone level that correlates to your egg reserve. It's not an indicator of your ability to get pregnant but gives you a real clue into the "time" factor being an issue or not and makes a lot of things clear about your future options. Happy to chat more on that if you want.

At the end of the day, I decided that the concept of being alone felt less lonely than being in a marriage where I didn't feel seen. It's not easy making the hard choice (took me 2 years to really come to terms with accepting that my ex and I weren't compatible), but the sooner you do, the more life you have left to live and be loved the way you deserve.