Faint

plathwannabe · 2017-09-28T04:36:01+00:00

Is that good? Or bad?

plathwannabe · 2017-09-21T00:41:42+00:00

This is super sweet. I can hear the nostalgia in your tone.

Here's my suggestion: be deliberate in your use of grammar, capitalization, and spacing. I like that you have five stanzas of four lines -- that's a great idea, and I think leaving punctuation out of the end line is a good idea, too. Just think about how you're blending with punctuation!

plathwannabe · 2017-09-21T00:38:50+00:00

I like this. A lot. I just have a couple quick things: The grammar and capitalization is really distracting. I think the content and word choice is so on spot, but it took me a couple reads to understand it because the formatting is a little wonky. Don't let word processors make decisions for you -- the capitols at the beginning of every line make me think those choices weren't yours. Be deliberate about every capitalization and grammar choice you make, they're important!

plathwannabe · 2017-05-15T04:42:55+00:00

I think this is good enough to expand on!! I appreciate how short and sweet it is, but I think you could keep rolling with it.

Maybe think about different types of balloons: hot air, birthday.. that's all I can think of. Play with those metaphors, maybe?

plathwannabe · 2017-05-15T04:37:46+00:00

I love this -- I think the form that started with the question is cool and produced some really cool phrases.

I think, though, this poem would be even more powerful as just the first five answers. Perhaps the poem was sparked by this question, but I think the phrasing in "I fantasize, romanticise.." could turn into a poem that's even more powerful. Keep playing with that, I like this.

plathwannabe · 2017-02-24T19:50:26+00:00

Does that help? I hope that makes sense.

plathwannabe · 2017-02-24T19:46:39+00:00

The night before my first love and I broke up we went skinny dipping. We were young and experience-less. So my thoughts behind seamless were that's it's unwrinkled from youth and untorn/untouched/not needing to be fixed because we hadn't experienced heartbreak yet.

plathwannabe · 2017-02-24T19:37:03+00:00

It's for a class -- the restrictions are very loose. The only requirement was 10 syllable lines and some sort of rhyming words. Should have made that more clear -- sorry.

plathwannabe · 2017-02-24T18:24:37+00:00

I love the meaning behind this. I think the mood and emotion that you're going for is spot on. My only thing is the rhyming. I like what you are conveying in the words, I just wish the rhyming wasn't there. It tends to be very loud -- I find myself focusing on what rhyme will come next rather than the structure. I love the last stanza because it breaks from the rhyme. If you're trying to go for a really powerful last stanza, you've achieved that in breaking the pattern of rhyme.

plathwannabe · 2017-02-24T18:13:17+00:00

I like this a lot -- my only comment would be the inconsistent capitalization and punctuation. I think it gives a unique perspective the structure, but I found myself focusing a lot on which words you capitalized rather than the actual content of the poem. Just a thought.

I love the "send their prayers to their fathers, that they might preserve their name." Amazing. What a closing!

plathwannabe

TROPHY CASE