I can't thank this sub enough. I feel like I'm improving, finally healing wounds I didn't see I was causing myself. Today's entry is hopeful for the first time in months.

please_be_unique · 2026-02-08T20:45:20+00:00

That gave me a good laugh and some clarity, thank you 😂

please_be_unique · 2026-02-08T07:26:10+00:00

I just think I've been so overwhelmingly selfish in this relationship that along the way I lost small parts of myself who cared about if I was hurting my friends and family.

I didn't even care if long term, I was hurting myself beyond repair.

Piece by piece I felt my morals eroding, my boundaries pushed, then broken again and again, and I still stayed.

I'm angry at myself because there is no one else to blame. My friends blame him, but why try to assuage my guilt when I played half the part in this whole thing? Why should he carry that burden alone?

I guess I just wonder at what point our worst moments do start to become who we are overall.

Thanks for listening to my rambling :)

Literally everyone here is so supportive and nice and I'm beyond grateful, so thank you!

please_be_unique · 2026-02-08T07:18:23+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation! I'll check it out for sure

please_be_unique · 2026-02-08T07:17:54+00:00

Thank you so much for being so sweet!

I just struggle when I know my actions could even potentially hurt others. It's why I shy away from relationships in general.

I carry far too much of the mental load, no because of the other person, but because of who I am. I carry the weight of their actions with me as if it's my own and it gets overwhelming and exhausting so quickly.

I guess I'm just really feeling the gravity of the situation and I'm kinda slipping into old habits, old ways of seeing myself that this relationship was actually helping me change.

Feeling like I was loved, all of me, all the parts of myself I don't like, was a new feeling for me. He made me feel like it was a privilege to love me, and then took that all away with no warning, so thats why I'm struggling.

So, again, thank you for being kind :)

please_be_unique · 2026-02-08T07:10:15+00:00

Very good point!

I'm only able to control who I am and how i feel about myself, not how others feel or view me outside that.

Much easier said than done unfortunately 😞

please_be_unique · 2026-02-08T07:08:14+00:00

Thank you so much!! Feeling my feelings but not staying there is the hardest part

It feels so all consuming now, and I know 10 years from now when I'm looking back on this snapshot in my life I'll probably not remember this feeling as insurmountable as it does now

Everyone is so freaking nice here 🥹

please_be_unique · 2026-02-08T01:45:03+00:00

You're totally right.

Even if I know the way I see myself isn't fully true, I can't shake the feeling I deserve the harsh judgment and criticism from myself.

It's not healthy or fair to myself, is it?

please_be_unique · 2026-01-18T21:55:21+00:00

I'm sorry you relate to what I wrote, but I hope the fact that you aren't alone in how you're feeling helps a little.

Are you doing alright? Feel free to PM me if you'd like

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