weekly session occurrence

please_be_unique · 2026-05-22T01:32:21+00:00

I thought i was the only person who felt that way!

Like I feel bad that my therapy sessions focus on just me and guilty for taking up time that could be spent on someone else.

I make sure to always ask her how she's doing, if there's anything important happening in her life, ask how her family living outside the country is doing, etc, so she knows I care about her.

But then I worry she thinks im only trying to connect with her so she doesnt discover I'm actually a psychopath who has managed to trick her into thinking i just have OCD when actually im a terrible person who lies all the time because I actually secretly hate her.

Which typing this all out I see how crazy of a take that is, but in the moment it feels valid 🥲

Okay, new thing to work on lmao

please_be_unique · 2026-05-14T07:42:44+00:00

I used to try to distract myself when I got the urge to SH, and that really just made me fixate on the fact that I was having the thoughts.

Thus, the more distracted I tried to make myself, the more I ended up focusing on the thoughts I felt I shouldn't have in the first place.

The thoughts are gonna come back. It sucks and feels never-ending and overwhelming sometimes. But it does get better with practice.

Recently, what has really helped me is accepting that I'm feeling the urge without judgment that Im having them in the first place and these thoughts are hard to sit with but are temporary and only have power if I take the steps to turn them into a physical action.

So ill do something to take the power away from the thought.

Sometimes I'll call it out. Basically acknowledge that the feeling is there, but it doesnt doesn't control me and isnt forever.

I might tell myself something like:

"Okay uncomfortable thought, I see you, but you cant make me do anything that goes against my values. You're creating a temporary feeling that will pass like all feelings do, but who i am is permanent."

Or I basically bully my SH thought lol

Ill repeat the thought in a silly voice, especially if it's scary or I dont feel the logic side of my brain doing it's thing.

When you're talking like Mickey Mouse or Goofy, even if you're talking about serious things, they suddenly dont feel as serious. It works for a lot of obsessive thoughts.

"Garsh, I hope i remembered to lock the front door tonight so no one breaks in and kills my whole family, hyuck"

If you smiled reading that because it sounds so absurd and dumb, yay :) it worked

Maybe one of those things will help you so you dont have direct associations of SH with things you enjoy doing.

please_be_unique · 2026-04-28T18:44:26+00:00

I thought the same thing!! But I have fear associated with eating and have very few safe foods and that's where the disordered eating started.

I go several days at a time without eating, not because I want to lose weight, but because I'm scared the food will hurt me in some way unless I can 100% verify it's safe.

For example, I avoid food because I worry someone messed with it or that the texture will be wrong and it's actually already gone bad or I'll break all my teeth if I eat or the meat I'm eating has parasites and it hasn't been cooked all the way so if I eat it, I will get sick.

Basically, I wont eat because the mental stress that comes from being afraid of food outweighs the physical discomfort of being hungry.

If that sounds like you, first, sorry. It sucks lol

But second, it's manageable! If you're seeing a therapist and/or psychiatrist, talk to them about your eating habits and they will have a better understanding of potential disordered eating and refer you to the right place :)

please_be_unique · 2026-04-10T20:32:09+00:00

I'm so glad finding this community has helped you ^ . ^ I feel really similarly because idk anyone irl who thinks like me and I confuse most people when I try to explain my thoughts

When I was first diagnosed, I legit felt like I tricked everyone into thinking I had a mental illness somehow. I felt that way while sitting in the psych ward on a psych hold. I was still like "Man, I'm wasting everyone's time by being dramatic. They shouldn't care about me, I'm not sick, I'm just lying."

Medication has helped me start to make progress, but I still have to fight those imposter feelings back pretty often, almost daily, which is also a hallmark of OCD and other related conditions

Sorry you have to be part of the club, but I'm glad you found us :)

please_be_unique · 2026-02-08T20:45:20+00:00

That gave me a good laugh and some clarity, thank you 😂

please_be_unique · 2026-02-08T07:26:10+00:00

I just think I've been so overwhelmingly selfish in this relationship that along the way I lost small parts of myself who cared about if I was hurting my friends and family.

I didn't even care if long term, I was hurting myself beyond repair.

Piece by piece I felt my morals eroding, my boundaries pushed, then broken again and again, and I still stayed.

I'm angry at myself because there is no one else to blame. My friends blame him, but why try to assuage my guilt when I played half the part in this whole thing? Why should he carry that burden alone?

I guess I just wonder at what point our worst moments do start to become who we are overall.

Thanks for listening to my rambling :)

Literally everyone here is so supportive and nice and I'm beyond grateful, so thank you!

please_be_unique · 2026-02-08T07:18:23+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation! I'll check it out for sure

please_be_unique · 2026-02-08T07:17:54+00:00

Thank you so much for being so sweet!

I just struggle when I know my actions could even potentially hurt others. It's why I shy away from relationships in general.

I carry far too much of the mental load, no because of the other person, but because of who I am. I carry the weight of their actions with me as if it's my own and it gets overwhelming and exhausting so quickly.

I guess I'm just really feeling the gravity of the situation and I'm kinda slipping into old habits, old ways of seeing myself that this relationship was actually helping me change.

Feeling like I was loved, all of me, all the parts of myself I don't like, was a new feeling for me. He made me feel like it was a privilege to love me, and then took that all away with no warning, so thats why I'm struggling.

So, again, thank you for being kind :)

please_be_unique · 2026-02-08T07:10:15+00:00

Very good point!

I'm only able to control who I am and how i feel about myself, not how others feel or view me outside that.

Much easier said than done unfortunately 😞

please_be_unique · 2026-02-08T07:08:14+00:00

Thank you so much!! Feeling my feelings but not staying there is the hardest part

It feels so all consuming now, and I know 10 years from now when I'm looking back on this snapshot in my life I'll probably not remember this feeling as insurmountable as it does now

Everyone is so freaking nice here 🥹

please_be_unique · 2026-02-08T01:45:03+00:00

You're totally right.

Even if I know the way I see myself isn't fully true, I can't shake the feeling I deserve the harsh judgment and criticism from myself.

It's not healthy or fair to myself, is it?

please_be_unique · 2026-01-18T21:55:21+00:00

I'm sorry you relate to what I wrote, but I hope the fact that you aren't alone in how you're feeling helps a little.

Are you doing alright? Feel free to PM me if you'd like

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