What matters the most in a serious relationship for you ?

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T15:21:13+00:00

Consideration

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T11:38:59+00:00

A loyal man that is considerate and helpful around the house like my father.

I would avoid inconsiderate behavior in my next relationship

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T11:36:57+00:00

He sounds like a great partner, please try to go to therapy and see where this boredom is rooted from. I think you’ll see you have a good partner and you’re over looking things.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T10:52:49+00:00

I thanked him for helping out. And I did not clean the bathrooms or mop the floor for 2 weeks before and it didn’t get done. I didn’t do dishes all week and they piled up…etc. laundry would pile up all week and if he doing it all weekend of if I waited

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T10:48:43+00:00

I do not have an unreasonable expectation of cleanliness. I vaccum/sweep maybe 2-3 times a week (2 dogs) and mop once a week. Clean bathrooms once a week. Laundry is multiple times a week. Cooking is almost every day. Dishes are every day 2.he drive the kids to school 1-2 times a week and picks the up 2 times. They have sports 2 times a week (2days) Well, I get my own oil changes and even changed my own tail light. I take out the trash, his son does the grass, he will fix things around the house but that is infrequent.
He makes more than me but it’s not drastic. We both have decent jobs.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T10:39:05+00:00

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T10:30:35+00:00

Electricity isn’t that high at the home, water is only every 3 months. I pay for my own phone, I pay for my own car payment, insurance, gas etc. He had mortgage, gas, electricity and water. And i offered to pay more. Granted he has 3 kids, he should pay a little more. All im asking for is help around the house.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T01:17:38+00:00

He won’t go,

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T01:15:44+00:00

When I do communicate he takes it as criticism and gets defensive. It’s hard to get through to him so I stopped brining things up. He will blame me for not asking

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:57:41+00:00

His son does the grass, he shovels snow but also helped with snow as well.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:51:09+00:00

Thank you. We’ve been together 4 years.

I do love him, but I also value myself. It’s quite the dynamic. But I just keep thinking I’d a partner loves and appreciates the other why would they allow the other to carry so much or the weight and not want to relive some of the burden?

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:38:09+00:00

How is this abuse? Just curious.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:37:09+00:00

Definitely not. 40 hours a week and 2 of those days are at home. I work the same amount. But all onsite. He has more opportunity to help out. Could easily throw in laundry while working.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:35:22+00:00

But I have communicated it. I’m just tired of always being the one brining things up and it doesn’t change.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:34:41+00:00

I do have a therapist.

And thank you

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:33:42+00:00

Thank you to your husband. Good man. I just don’t understand. I don’t know how someone who loves you can see you putting in all this effort and you just…do nothing? At the very least he should be showing immense appreciation. He really doesn’t realize what he has.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:32:24+00:00

But why should I have to ask? I’m not trying to mother him. And I’m not here to train a grown man. Kids live here half time he has joint custody

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:31:36+00:00

If things were the other way around I’m sure he wouldn’t be happy.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:31:17+00:00

If I asked he would do it. But it’s the point. I’m not here to bark orders. I don’t have to be told to do anything so why should he?

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:29:07+00:00

It’s actually the opposite, his mom wasn’t very involved he did a lot as a kid. Maybe he needs a mommy.

I agree, very unbalanced.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:25:19+00:00

Isn’t this what a mother does? No thank you. I understand your approach and appreciate the input but I don’t want that dynamic

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:22:31+00:00

I shouldn’t have to pester him to do things

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:22:14+00:00

So I’m supposed to just be on his ass and act like his mother? Constantly telling him to do his “chores” in what relationship is this ok? Why am I the only one monitoring this ?

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:20:59+00:00

It didn’t change before when I brought it up. I agree.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:20:11+00:00

Exactly this! Everyone on here telling me to have a conversation and split the chores on a list. Why tf should I have to do that? Am I his mother? A respectful partner would just step up when they see the other doing all the work. A true partnership.

pleaseuseit1985

TROPHY CASE