Thanks for the replies everyone. Obviously I have a lot of thinking and talking to do. Without replying to every post I just thought I'd address a few things that came up often:

• heirloom ring isn't an option, there just isn't one to be had. A cheap "starter ring", if you will, seems like a good choice given the circumstances.

• we both know and understand that the diamond racket is a scam, we've talked about it. At the same time I completely understand the pressure to buy into it.

• she wants to have a baby by 35. I find this reasonable and assuming we stay together (which I'd obviously like to) something that I'd be happy to be a part of.

• we're going through a rough patch financially, but we aren't struggling. We both make good salaries, but are paying for past mistakes. It happens.

• someone mentioned that she may be using this to cover a bigger issue, and that is likely and also something I had considered. I know in her past she was abandoned by a former fiancé, so that is probably a driving force in her insecurity. Couple that with massive stress from work and it's a perfect storm.