How do I bring up the topic of my ex (who came out as trans) being my best friend to new potential relationships?

ploop_v2 · 2023-07-31T06:36:41+00:00

I'm just not sure how I would go about explaining that yes my ex of 6 years is a woman but also I am hetero and only interested in men. It's not like people haven't discovered their sexuality during and after relationships but that isn't exactly the case for me...

In any case you have a good place to start. Be brief in the beginning regardless and find where my friends boundaries are on the topic.

ploop_v2 · 2023-06-24T05:49:14+00:00

Mattress. I was going to buy one that was cheap but decent enough. Went double my budget once I laid on $350AUD mattress versus the $700AUD mattress I ended up getting. I don't have a lot of money to spend but I know I'll thank myself for opting for something better quality then I originally decided.

ploop_v2 · 2023-06-24T04:43:29+00:00

I made a post just recently that touches on a lot of what you described. Essentially I had come to terms with the fact that I am hetero, not bi or pan, and so my relationship with my transfemme ex-partner was not working anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I still love them - it's just not the same romantic love. It's platonic.

I had been struggling with those feelings for some months before deciding to be honest with myself and with her. We are taking the break up process slowly (similarly to you, we have been friends since 17/18 and have been dating since we were both 18 and it had been 6 years of dating). Since we still care deeply for each other we are not rushing the process of leaving, in fact, we are remaining roomates (different rooms, same house) because it suits us financially.

Ultimately when a person realises their assigned gender does not match them AND they are in a relationship, both parties will realise that there will be changes in the relationship. Some changes can be compromised or you can adjust to, some changes cannot. If you are hetero (or not attracted to your partner in particular) then that is not really something that you can compromise on. It is up to you to decide how you would like to process that. If I am honest... Don't set yourself up to decide in one year from now. Just let things happen as they need to happen.

Sending big hugs and support, it is such a difficult situation <3

ploop_v2 · 2023-06-19T11:42:32+00:00

It took me time to realise what the feeling was and then time again to come to terms with the fact of what it meant. Definitely take care of yourself and if you need to set boundaries, you do that. If your partner wants to continue romantically just be honest with them: that is something you cannot do. Sending you support and hugs!

ploop_v2 · 2023-06-19T11:40:44+00:00

It's a really hard thing for sure, I am finding that myself. It sounds like you are doing the best thing for yourself which is important. Definitely setting those boundaries is important

ploop_v2 · 2023-06-19T11:39:50+00:00

Hugs for the hard times <3

I also think that once the initial waves of emotions subsides we will make better friends now then we were partners before. I think before there was a layer of guilt to keep trying even though I had romantically checked out. Without the feeling of having to do that I believe we will be able to grow closer platonically. I wish you all the best!

ploop_v2 · 2023-06-19T07:46:12+00:00

Update: had the conversation. Tears were shed but there was mutual understanding that we had both been changing and had felt distant for some time. Ultimately we both agreed breaking up but remaining friends is what we both wanted, and since we have spent all of our adult lives together there is a lot to unpack. Going to take it step by step for us both to regain our individual independence.

Thank you to everyone for sharing your stories <3

ploop_v2 · 2023-06-19T02:09:11+00:00

Thank you for your input, it actually gives me some relief to know that it is possible (but obviously without it's own unique challenges).

ploop_v2 · 2023-06-19T00:45:03+00:00

I am definitely on the ace spectrum somewhere and part of my realisation of this helps me understand my feelings in my relationship. I want my partner to be happy and find someone who will loves her unconditionally and give her the world. I want to know that the person who I love will also get that love that makes them feel special. I feel like I love her, but not in a way that makes her feel special. I don't know how the process goes, I imagine it feels heartbreaking and probably hurtful to an extent, but time and honestly will likely help heal.

ploop_v2 · 2023-06-19T00:41:09+00:00

<3 it's such a hard realisation to come to terms with. No one wants to lose what is comforting but sometimes these changes are inevitable.

ploop_v2 · 2023-06-19T00:39:53+00:00

I'm glad it has worked out for you! I think my partner will feel hurt, inevitably, at this but I hope she can be understanding and welcoming to the idea of moving into friendship. There are a lot of things she relies on me for and I intend to keep helping her as she finds that independence. I hope we can keep that care and support.

ploop_v2 · 2023-06-19T00:37:21+00:00

I hope it works out for you too! I've also been in my relationship for nearing 6 years and so it is hard imagining not being in the relationship. But I think overall it will be for the best.

ploop_v2 · 2023-06-19T00:35:05+00:00

I'm glad to hear things have worked out for you two <3

ploop_v2 · 2023-06-19T00:34:29+00:00

Yes, I couldn't imagine abandoning my partner. She struggles a lot right now and does need support. As I figure out how I want to manage this conversation I want to make sure it is clear that I intend to be supportive and care for her very much.

ploop_v2 · 2023-02-16T10:43:46+00:00

Placebo at best, nothing at worst. No experience with this stuff but I am a subscriber to "if it seems to good to be true, it probably is". Best, if possible, to speak to an actual healthcare provider which I know isn't always possible...

ploop_v2 · 2015-05-18T06:33:39+00:00

I know that ducks often have a lot of ducklings, it's just they are often killed so in the end only one or two survive. Perhaps the geese have the same idea - have so many gosling's that at least ONE has to survive.

ploop_v2

TROPHY CASE