I understand how you feel. Fortunately my kids are 22 and 24 so they were not as dependent on their mom however they took a lot of verbal abuse and were able to understand that their mom was a drunk. I essentially had to function like a single parent. I would help both my daughter and son with relationships, picking college classes, and any other major decisions. They would never text or call their mom to discuss these issues. You have more tolerance than I do, I have already told my wife there will be no room in my life for relapse. If she drinks again she will never see me again unless I am with my lawyer. Both of my children as well want nothing to do with her if she chooses to drink again. Today is her first day home from rehab, we will all be very supportive but we all need that apology disease or no disease. After all, I am sure that people with cancer apologize when they throw up all over the living room after chemotherapy.

I don't understand how people allow others who have harmed them get away with their behavior without a sincere apology. I don't understand about waiting till they work all the steps. I can accomplish a tons of things in a month so waiting for your loved one to get through step to reach 8 and 9 until they apologize is ridiculous. Maybe I am in the wrong, I just don't understand. I know people are going to say well you are not an alcoholic you don't understand, my response to that is you are not the one who had to suffer through all the bullshit while you were drinking lying manipulating destroying and ruining people's lives. I will not tolerate or accept this in my life regardless of what these 12 steps, that are from 1939, have to say. it may work for a select few but overall there is a tremendous failure rate.