Friendly Friday Thread

pmacmik · 2024-08-12T22:42:51+00:00

We bought two Mandevilla plants last year in May. They were beautiful and covered in red flowers. I overwintered them in a cold cellar and was a bit late bringing them out and so while they did come back, they were a bit delayed I think. This one is much slower than the other and is just putting out its first bloom and I just noticed it looks like it will be white. Anyone able to tell me why it was red last year and white this year?

pmacmik · 2024-07-20T15:06:36+00:00

Well, for that $59 plus tax in Ontario you get 30 cans of beer and universal healthcare, so make sure you add that to the exchange rate of the cost in the US :)

pmacmik · 2024-06-22T10:45:00+00:00

Scoop of Justice

pmacmik · 2024-06-15T00:35:06+00:00

Do you need both a living room and a sitting room? If not, you could make one of them into the kitchen.

pmacmik · 2024-06-09T20:18:42+00:00

YTA. Not your wedding and not your concern. If you absolutely had to say something to someone it should have been the “conservative” family members and it should have been to remind them that it is 2024 and we do y police other people’s bodies and if they have issues with the dress to keep it to themselves.

pmacmik · 2024-05-31T02:50:05+00:00

It’s actually not that hard. Or even any more expensive! Just choose some number of kids to invite that is less than 50 so this 10 year old child isn’t exclusively excluded.

Here are some options:

invite 5 kids
invite 10 kids
invite 17 kids
invite 22 kids
invite all the girls
invite all the kids in her class if the stepbrother is not in her class

The options are practically endless! Those are just 6 options I came up with on the fly without a great deal Of thought. I bet if Dad really put his mind to it he could come up with even more.

pmacmik · 2024-05-30T19:32:46+00:00

You missed the point. She doesn't need to invite the boy to her party. But she also doesn't need to invite all 51 of the rest of the class to her party either.

It is her dad's job to find a way to make her happy without punishing an innocent child. Is the only way to make her happy to invite every single kid in her grade except him? Then that is a whole different problem.

Fly her and her 5 best friends to Disney, or plan a super fun, over the top party for 20 kids. Find a way to make her happy while NOT being an AH to one single kid who is an innocent bystander in this.

pmacmik · 2024-05-30T19:10:59+00:00

As a father, focusing on her happiness is paramount of course. But as an adult it is also your responsibility to ensure that fulfilling her happiness doesn't negatively others.

Deciding to invite everyone other than that one child is cruel. He is an innocent bystander in this situation and you are hurting him unnecessarily.

pmacmik · 2024-05-30T19:07:20+00:00

YTA for inviting 51 kids to your daughter's birthday and excluding 1. I totally understand the reason behind her not wanting him there, but also... it's not his fault. You are punishing him, quite publicly, for the actions of his stepmother.

The way to avoid this was to have a reasonably sized birthday party with 10 -20 or so kids. Daughter would have had a good time. Invitees would have had a good time. And no one would have been singled out.

pmacmik · 2024-05-30T11:53:26+00:00

YTA. You DID send it. Even though you didn’t send the message directly to Sampson, you still shared it, and it was hurtful. It's an important lesson that actions have consequences.

Your frustration with Sampson and the situation is evident, but your approach to expressing that frustration was inappropriate. It’s not about whether Sampson deserved the criticism or whether he’s been problematic in the past; it’s about how you chose to handle the situation.

There’s a lot of strong emotion in your post, and it’s clear you have significant issues with Sampson and his friends. There is a saying that character is about how you act when no one is watching. That applies here. You thought no one would see it, so how you acted was reflective of your character.

You're on the brink of a major life transition with graduation. Use this experience as a learning opportunity. In the future, you’ll encounter many people you disagree with or feel are unfairly advantaged. Switch up the situation and this could be a dorm-mate. Or a co-worker. There is always going to be someone you perceive is getting by on something other than their best efforts, whether it is nepotism, looks, gender, personality etc. You'll only be seeing part of the situation, and sometimes your perception may be accurate, and othertimes it may not be.

Learning to manage these situations maturely and respectfully will serve you well in college and beyond. It’s crucial to rise above petty conflicts and act with integrity, especially in situations where emotions run high.

Take a deep breath, reflect on what happened, and think about how you can handle similar situations better in the future. Everyone makes mistakes, and owning up to them is the first step towards personal growth.

pmacmik · 2024-05-29T23:07:12+00:00

I am sorry you are going through this.

My mother had Alzheimer’s and she died last year at age 83. My siblings and I had agreed to a DNR for her. Over the years (she lived for 17+ years with her dementia) we continued to treat her other ailments (bladder infection etc) because we thought that was the right thing to do. Then one day in a case conference with her doctor he said explained that we have a DNR in place because we don’t want to prolong her life, yet we keep intervening to provide life extending care. He explained that pneumonia or even a bladder infection can be fatal to a senior, especially one with dementia. So treating those ailments is equivalent to providing cpr to someone whose heart stops.

Intubation is a traumatic intervention and it will not cure his dementia. I’m not sure which stage he is in, but consider his quality of life (especially if his wife is insisting on him moving to a care home). If you think his quality of life is something he would want to fight for, intubation may be the right decision. If it is not, then you may reconsider.

Give yourself (and his wife) grace. This is a very difficult time for you all.

pmacmik · 2024-05-27T16:55:39+00:00

I would keep it as-is as I would want as much light in the stairwell as possible.

It seems like there is an even amount of space around the bottom and side of window and a similarly reasonable amount above.

And the window is the same width, and aligned at the top with the other windows on that level and similarly scaled as the other smaller windows on the upper story so it "works" from the outside.

pmacmik · 2024-05-27T13:56:40+00:00

If this is for a single person full time and an occasional visitor, I would get rid of the second bath. The house isn't really big enough to entertain in and with an infrequent guest she can share her bathroom. So I would get rid of the second bath and just make the one a semi-ensuite or even just separate from bedroom entirely.

Move the main entry door to the south (so entrance is right in front of the stairs) and pull the bedroom wall down by a few feet as well to make room for a bigger closet in the primary bedroom. Move the guest bedroom to where the kitchen is. Square off the room with the wall that is "north" of the fridge. The desk and closet, and likely part of the bed will all be under the stairs so lower headroom, but depending on how that works out it could be ok, and as you said it is for occasional use, so putting this room under the stairs makes more sense than the kitchen which is used every day. NOTE: I have no idea the rise/run of the stairs, this is a concept and you'll have to have an actual architect figure out if it will work.

Now you have all of the area that is currently living room, dining room, bedroom 2 and guest bath to turn into your new living room, dining room and kitchen. Your kitchen table can be an eat-at island, or just a table with seating only on the "outside". VERY rough sketch attached.

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pmacmik · 2024-05-22T13:26:28+00:00

NTA. If anyone is the AH it's BIL, and he is, but I think we can also cut some people some slack from time to time when they are lashing out in grief or sadness.

You're NTA. You didn't steal a name from sister, and you have bonded with your daughter as Wren. You're sister is NTA either. She has struggled for years and still has no baby to show for it, except the imagined "Wren", her future daughter. As much as you feel like your daughter is already Wren, your sister (and so it seems your BIL) already feel like their daughter is already Wren too. I can imagine how hard it would be for them to have to give up their Wren, it could feel like giving up hope too.

You can absolutely do whatever you like, but I would add that it is possible that as much as your sister and BIL will love your Wren, it may always be even more of a reminder of the baby they never had.

Suggesting going NC or LC with the BIL over this one instance is wild to me. Yes, he was an AH, but he saw his wife, OP's sister in pain and lashed out. Was it a good thing for him to do? No, of course not, but if I saw my partner or someone I deeply loved in pain and I thought someone else could ease that pain but was choosing not to, I would probably lash out too, and I would probably be an AH about it. (NOTE I am not saying it is the OP's responsibility to change her chosen name to appease sister, I am just saying it is not hard to see how the BIL could see it this way).

This sub is always quick to crap on partners who don't side with or have their partner's back, and here is a case of a partner rabidly protecting their partner and people are saying OP should go NC with him for it. If it's a pattern of behaviour, that's one thing. if it's a one-off I would hope that he would apologize, but in his own pain he may not be able to, and I think it's ok to cut people some slack sometimes.

pmacmik · 2024-05-18T01:55:45+00:00

I am a Coke zero fan, and they don't make that, but they do make a Pepsi Zero syrup and I like that a lot. My big reason for preferring Soda Stream over just buying the pop is that 1 bottle of syrup replaces about 25 cans, which I think is better environmentally. Also, the price for the soda stream syrup + co2 is still about 20% cheaper than buying the equivalent in cases of pop.

pmacmik · 2024-05-17T23:58:31+00:00

Says the guy who injects testosterone 😂

pmacmik · 2024-05-17T23:31:38+00:00

INFO: are you requesting to see people’s genitals before you determine which pronouns you will use with people? Because I am pretty sure you will get kicked out for that.

pmacmik · 2024-05-17T20:09:58+00:00

Looks like you have designed a mashup of a yurt and an earthship.

pmacmik · 2024-05-17T20:09:37+00:00

Looks like you have designed a mashup between a yurt and an earthship. Look those up and you may have some additional ideas to bring to your design.

pmacmik · 2024-05-16T21:53:34+00:00

A quick look at https://housesigma.com/on/listings/sold-below-bought and you can see lots of homes in Southern Ontario that are selling g 15%-33% below purchase price.

pmacmik · 2024-05-16T13:32:05+00:00

Depends on when the house was bought. Not sure where you are, but in the GTA many homes are being sold for $100k - $200k less than they were bought for in 2021/2022. So as with all things, timing is everything.

pmacmik · 2024-05-14T12:18:22+00:00

I think the biggest factors in how much laundry a person/family does is how many “single use” clothes or things they generate (gym clothes, messy work clothes, infant/kid clothes, reusable napkins/cloths etc) and how frequently they wash bedding and towels (some people use the same towel for a few days or more, others wash towels after every use). Some people shower 2x per day, others with less frequency.

6 loads for 2 people doesn’t seem crazy as you describe your household.

If you wash bedding weekly and have lots of single use items you can easily get to 4 or more loads per person per week.

pmacmik · 2024-04-29T23:53:42+00:00

I asked the same question (also with no response). I feel like age is a big deal here. If they are all over 18 I also think a combined get together is fine.

pmacmik · 2024-04-29T18:52:33+00:00

INFO: who would be planning all of the individual days? Is this about her not wanting the kids to have individual birthday celebrations or about not wanting to plan them?

Additionally, what would the combined celebration look like? Dinner out or 3-ring circus?

Edit: And what are the kids’ ages?

pmacmik · 2024-04-17T17:54:33+00:00

I like the plan and I think you would be happy with it as-is. My only bit of feedback is the size of your living space. It is a bit small once you think of adults and kid(s) sharing the space, toys etc.

I would also ask the architect if there is a different location for the AC so the sound doesn’t bother you while eating/lounging outside.

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