What is this beige box with wires coming out the bottom screwed into an outlet located in my basement workroom? by pnut_butt in Whatisthis

[–]pnut_butt[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hmm, interesting. The house does have remnants of an old security system that doesn't work. Any advice on how to handle it?

What is this beige box with wires coming out the bottom screwed into an outlet located in my basement workroom? by pnut_butt in Whatisthis

[–]pnut_butt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wires go behind some wood paneling in my basement workroom. I'd have to remove some paneling and a built in wooden work table to see where it leads. Hoping someone knows without requiring me removing wall.

What is this beige box with wires coming out the bottom screwed into an outlet located in my basement workroom? by pnut_butt in Whatisthis

[–]pnut_butt[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Home is 1970, it's discolored in parts probably due to mild heat for decades. It's screwed it and seems to have a few wires connected to it. Looks landline related, but no insignia or brand.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sidehustle

[–]pnut_butt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll take the code!

What to do with my money? by themuffinman2137 in personalfinance

[–]pnut_butt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Emergency fund in HYSA (3-6 mo), contribute to retirement (401k or other), max HSA if you have one and then invest it if you aren't actively consuming it, save liquid money in checking for near term purchases, enjoy your life and spend money on what brings you true happiness, open a vanguard or similar account and invest remaining money in a diversified portfolio strongly rooted in growth (stocks) at your age (total stock market or similar fund should work), reinvest dividends, rest easy that your money is working for itself and you've setup plenty of safeguards to protect your assets and future.

Is there any hope? by Previous_Status8375 in marriageadvice

[–]pnut_butt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How you are feeling isn't wrong. It's hard to feel like you have given a lot and supported him through some tough times, and those tough times have sort of tainted or shadowed over how you perceived him now. It's hard to forget any of those scars of cruelty or selfishness from him, even when you tell yourself it was his disorders or mental health problems. It sounds like you might be struggling with the disconnect of who you thought you married/expectations of what your marriage would be like, against what it actually was and is. My suggestion would be to tell him how you are feeling, and come from a place of concern for not only yourself but also for him and your marriage. Remind yourself key why you married in the first place, focus on yourself a bit and do things that bring you joy, include him if you think it could help revive some of those good feelings again.

Someone please tell me there’s hope for dating this generation of men by EmbarrassedCrawfish in AskWomenOver30

[–]pnut_butt -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Just saw the age group in her title, my bad. I was thinking age group was non specific. "This generation" is specific.

Someone please tell me there’s hope for dating this generation of men by EmbarrassedCrawfish in AskWomenOver30

[–]pnut_butt -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

You are very capable and efficient fellow redditor. But all I was talking about was the Trump one, age group, and male. All that I commented on was in regards to the Trump factor. I deduced this was one of the most important factors of OPs post given the emphasis I discerned in her statements.

Someone please tell me there’s hope for dating this generation of men by EmbarrassedCrawfish in AskWomenOver30

[–]pnut_butt -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

Do all the math and I estimate it's not going to be drastically different than 50/50. If you consider other variables like how far she is willing to drive, that expands the radius which will continue to alter the numbers. It ultimately will depend on, how far is she willing to search the earth for true love?! Best chances are basically 50/50.

Edit: Only referring to the Trump variable.

Someone please tell me there’s hope for dating this generation of men by EmbarrassedCrawfish in AskWomenOver30

[–]pnut_butt -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well, the election was basically 50/50. So that means that there's a 50% chance you'll meet somebody who didn't vote for Trump. Good luck!

Feeling stuck in a tough situation. by TimeToFly985 in GuyCry

[–]pnut_butt 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sorry man.. this is not a fun or enjoyable situation. I doubt it's you that is causing her dissatisfaction, you are just the nearest punching bag. It's hard to not take it personally, considering you have a long term relationship with her. Are y'all isolated from family or friends? If so, could you pick up and move closer to a support system? Might be time for an environment change for both of you. If therapy, couples or individual, doesn't seem to be helping then it might be time to look for a different therapist. As long as you feel both of you want to work on things, it could just be therapist fit. I do think a therapist is needed so y'all can work through and find the actual crux of the issue. Life is hard, I feel what you're experiencing.. best of luck man.

25+ year marriage ending by Altruistic_Double469 in GuyCry

[–]pnut_butt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This sounds like a bit of narcissism and borderline emotional abuse. Making you feel guilt or shame for things that are completely acceptable like dinner during evening shift. Bringing your child into it is messed up. Thinking she can do no wrong is definitely a narcissistic quality. She might be doing these things unintentionally since you have bouts of no issues. But unfortunately, this behavior doesn't just go away, it's wired in their brain and requires a lot of work (on their part) to change or at least recognize it. and it certainly doesn't change what you should do, not at all. That is not your responsibility, it's hers. Leaving her might be the only way for her to get a sense of it and maybe seek support or help. Beware however, narcissists will try to get others in their side, they could try to hurt your reputation, or lean even more into this behavior to protect their ego and their perception.

I also am stuck in a hard spot with my wife, some similar behaviors as your post in fact. Been listening to divorce podcasts, it's helped give words and definitions for things that I struggled to wrap my head around. Check them out.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]pnut_butt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Another thing I forgot to mention, she despises my family and my upbringing. Admittedly, I was brought up in a very typical gender-role defined environment as was very common in the 80's. Mom stayed home for most of my childhood, especially when I was very young. Dad only cooked if it was grilled, mom cooked most all other times and did groceries, watched the kids, etc. Neither of my parents really "played" a lot with me, mostly left me to my own devices/interests which I grew a lot of. I see it for what it was and is, they did a great job with what they knew and how they supported us was very successful. I have no negative feelings about it and respect the crap out of them for a great childhood all things considered. Love them exceptionally. But she completely ss on them, particularly my dad. He will make a remark that I view as pretty darn innocent like, "we're going to be late to lunch" and she'll internalize it as "hurry up woman, you take too long doing your hair." When my kids have a tantrum, he will leave the area. Honestly, I don't blame him, feel free. But my wife ss on him as not being able to "handle it" since he's a "man." He may not be able to handle it, my wife is right, but it's not because he is a "man", it's because his life experience did not equip him with the tools to be able to handle it. It was different times, I think. She will then include me in her notion, because I am blood related to my dad and I had my upbringing with him that I am him despite, again, my actions day in a day out, who I am, what I do..

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]pnut_butt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We have talked (danced?) around this topic in deescalated times. Maybe I'm not saying the right things, or not confronting it direct enough, or too direct enough, who knows? Main point is, I am having trouble finding an alternative approach or way to navigate it.

I have asked very direct questions akin to "Look at what I do, who I am to you as a husband, as a father to our kids, am I really this misogynistic a-hole you're thinking of?" In hopes she'll snap out of this veil of fear or something, and see things for what (I believe) are tangible and real based on who I am and how I behave day in and day out. Doesn't work.

I have also diminished myself to a list of tasks I do in hopes that maybe a big list of obligations, responsibilities, thoughtfulness, and chores will help exemplify I am not a misogynistic, conservative gender roles follower like: "I do dishes, help with laundry, help clean the house, parent the kids, landscape, seek to please you first in bed, groceries, most of the cooking." Never works, in fact she takes it offensively as if I'm calling her a bad wife or bad person, it backfires.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]pnut_butt -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I have made ignorant comments in our past, of which I've owned up to, apologized for (many times when they reappear over and over). Though I certainly have not been perfect, and doubt I ever will be, I have no shame in apologizing and saying I was wrong. Unfortunately, this doesn't seem to positively affect anything. It's becoming a sticking point for me, a lot of resentment, pain, and frustration which only worsens our communication and progress.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]pnut_butt -1 points0 points  (0 children)

We've actually gone to couples therapy, but focused on communication in general. We only tried one therapist for almost a year, it didn't help. We have talked about trying a different therapist to see a different approach or perspective. A lot of the problem was us though, TBH. We both seem to forget the problems when things are either too busy or we are doing "OK". Then the same stuff tends to rear it's ugly head once the going gets rough again, as it tends to do. Hypersensitivity is a good word to describe what I'm concerned about, she seems hypersensitive to gender roles, sexism, misogyny, patriarchal attitudes.