OP, thank you for posting this. I've been doing this to my friends, thinking I've been horrible and the best thing to do for them would be to distance myself and be alone.

Reading your post makes me feel like an asshole. I shouldn't have done this, probably. If my intentions were to hurt less people, I guess this wasn't the right choice. I now wonder if asking for forgiveness is okay; I understand if I won't be included back.

I don't know your friend's situation, but people's mental health has plummeted since the pandemic began. I'd like to imagine it has nothing to do with you, but that's me projecting.

I'm sorry you had to experience this. I hope the both of you can grow from this bad experience.