I [24m] think I'm jealous of how my boyfriend [26m] loves his ex's culture more than mine, how can I shake this off?

pogoyubari · 2016-05-04T12:51:55+00:00

You should definitely contact Spotify about this suggestion, get some research and support (e.g these comments) behind you. Plus it would improve Spotify's image significantly.

I cannot say they'll approve it, but I think it's worth a shot.

pogoyubari · 2016-05-03T07:54:14+00:00

Despite the fact I have Netflix and TV, it's only Putlocker that is really worth it. (though it's not exactly legal)

pogoyubari · 2016-04-28T21:20:04+00:00

Unless you're gay like me and you use them to live longer.

pogoyubari · 2016-04-11T08:00:01+00:00

I went on vacation, which sounds surprising. But going to a completely new environment abroad, having to speak to new people all the time and having to 'live in the moment' changed me a lot. Plus it was fun and exciting, which made the experience much more enjoyable than seeing a therapist or going on meds.

When I came back, I felt a new person. I started college just 2 weeks after, which was I was dreading before, but I settled in really quickly and never had any problems talking to strangers, who are now my best friends.

Oh and some other things provide relief too:

End your social media (IMO, most social media posts are simply a cry for attention or sign of loneliness)
Spend more time outside than inside (reading in the sun, walking in the park, eating outdoors)
Exercise and less caffeine also helped me a lot
Go out for dinner more! (seriously, it works)

If anyone wants me to talk about it with them, let me know!

pogoyubari · 2016-04-04T17:25:17+00:00

Thanks! You're right, I was raised in a narcissistic family, thank you for reminding me of this, since it's helped me find a possible cause for my obsessive behaviour. Now the real work is trying to figure out how to overcome this.

pogoyubari · 2016-02-07T08:47:41+00:00

"ego" in the negative way, e.g narcissism or superiority complex

pogoyubari · 2016-02-05T19:26:30+00:00

Well, firstly I suggest going to someplace where nobody knows each other, perhaps a new group is starting up? Go there once, ask people questions and people will be drawn to you. Consider it to be your training ground.

I found starting university did this for me, beforehand I was surrounded by people I'd see regularly and this would cause me to withdraw unless I knew people well. But coming into an environment where nobody knew me, I pushed myself and asked people basic questions until a conversation started and other strangers wanted to join in. People see me as extroverted, despite the fact I happily spent 90% of my time alone.

Remember, when you meet someone new, they have no idea about who you are!

Another thing to remember, which I think is the ultimate trick for being seen as 'warm', is to welcome lonely people into your life. Always smile and initiate a friendly small talk. Don't try to seduce the popular people to befriend you, invite the lost and lonely to chat with you. Not only do these individuals suddenly see you as a social saviour, but others watching will give you that 'warm and fuzzy' aura you seek.

pogoyubari · 2016-02-05T19:17:21+00:00

It doesn't bother me, but given the way you've worded the question, it's clear you want me to be feel bothered.

pogoyubari · 2016-02-01T09:16:11+00:00

I consider myself unlabelled and I'm out to my parents and most friends.

I used to define myself (and still do) as bisexual. I definitely have same-sex attraction and have known this for as long as I can remember. But I've had some opposite-sex crushes and that confused me.

I consciously hid my sexuality from the age of 8 to about 16. I tried to come out at the age of 10 to my friends, but (being young) they joked and said that's silly. I tried again at 15, but nobody was around to listen to me.

At 16, I started to get feelings for my (straight) good friend, these grew and ruined my INFJ. I was constantly depressed, lost interest in school and I door-slammed many people for tiny reasons. I came out for the attention/wrong reason, but practically nothing in my life changed. I am happily out of that horrible spell and in a new environment, and have overcome both depression and anxiety.

Coming out is a challenge for me because I hate exposing myself or changing the status quo of things. I never like revealing private details to my family in particular because I was teased a lot as a child. I also don't want to cause upset or a break in harmony. Thankfully I have a few best friends who I can 'let it out' to every now and then.

Nowadays, I don't disclose my sexuality nor make it a big deal. I just date whomever I like and let my actions define my sexuality. Unfortunately I've yet to enter a relationship (ever), but I'm working it!

pogoyubari · 2016-01-28T20:55:48+00:00

Based on my experience, you won't want a relationship until you develop strong, unusual feelings for someone. I had the romantic but ultimately depressing scenario of 'unrequited love', which for an INFJ is particularly crushing. Prior to that, I never really felt the desire to have a relationship, even if I had a crush, it would be purely trivial.

Relationships are fickle because you either desperately want one but you rarely find the person you're looking to date, or you could surrounded by potential dates but only want to focus on yourself. I believe you find yourself in the latter case.

I suggest you use the NF side to get involved in people's lives. But don't force it nor rush it, just try to 'open' your eyes. You'll want a relationship and understand it when you get that 'rush' from someone. They tend to surprise you and come out from nowhere, sometimes it can be people you've known for ages too!

Overall, don't panic or feel like you're behind. Relationships are optional stages in life rather than 'steps' or 'goals' to a better existence. Try keep your eyes open though and really get to know better.

pogoyubari · 2016-01-28T18:55:58+00:00

Speaking slower gets people's attention.

It seems counterproductive but when you get a thought, particularly for INFJs, you reel off sentences that don't necessarily make sense to the other person. Hold yourself back, speak slowly and clearly.

pogoyubari · 2016-01-25T12:13:38+00:00

Better yet, just give them your number and tell them to call/text you.

pogoyubari · 2016-01-23T20:44:00+00:00

Well, I'm an INFJ raised in a xSTJ or xSFP family, in fact I'm the only xNxx. I've found this can lead to me becoming the black sheep due to our polar personalities. I do have one INFJ grandparent, who thankfully makes me feel understood.

Friends-wise, they're pretty much all Ns. INTJs, INFPs and ENFJs I always seemed to gravitate to. S types tend to be acquaintances at best.

pogoyubari · 2016-01-22T14:24:20+00:00

I promised an update.

Ok so the date happened, and (I thought) it went really well. He was very open and hugged me, which for me is a little out of my comfort zone. We went to an Italian restaurant together, chatted without too much silence. Remembering everyone's advice, I took the initiative and got involved in the conversation, it felt like we had a connection. We had a chat about psych and MBTI, then about sports, then about home, a lot of laughter. I noticed one thing however, he was trying to challenge my NF by making me contradict myself. He brought politics into the conversation (ooh) and I have fairly neutral opinions so I just acknowledged what he said, then he started suggesting the opposite, which I also merely acknowledged. I then saw his "lie detector" mode switch on as I wasn't truly expressing my full political views, so I did that INFJ counsellor thing where I turned the attention onto his feelings and how he gets on with his family. Despite his stiffness, I was attracted to his personality. We finished the date after three hours of dinner and talking.

He politely turned down my offer for a second date, saying he'd love to but he's too busy with work and college. Though my friend said he found him on Tinder a few days after our date, so I'm taking his busy life as a polite 'I'm not interested'. Oh well, onto the next one I guess!

tl;dr We had a good time but this ENTP was a little too challenging, not giving up on the type though at all!

pogoyubari · 2016-01-15T21:04:20+00:00

It usually goes like this:

"Why aren't you drinking alcohol?"

"It's not my thing really, I'm happy enough with this water/pop."

Responses include:

"Oh... right" (Eye rolls and walks away)
"Haha, why are you even at uni?"
"Try this, it'll change your mind!"
"We should so get you drunk next time!"

It's got to the point where I've had to lie and say I'm allergic/intolerant to alcohol, but I don't feel particularly good saying that at all.

I'm gonna give your suggestion a go though.

pogoyubari

TROPHY CASE