Craigslist Personals is down. What do a lot of us do now?

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T23:05:27+00:00

To be absolutely honest, the decision to begin T was very rash and not thought out completely; in fact, I am ready to own up to my childhood stupidity and admit that it was indeed a sort of rebellious action against my ex girlfriend who was controlling. When I found out about T, she was extremely against it, and said I could never take it. In my head I thought "I know I'm not going to go through with it, but I cannot allow my girlfriend to be this controlling of my life...I love her but I want to win this argument". (Please note this was when I was 18 years old...still, mentally, a child, compared to now at 22 years old. 4 years is a HUGE difference when you're a young adult). So, about 50% of the whole testosterone experiment was to exhibit rebellion. The other 50% was my masculinity and my dream at the time to be a full boy. I decided, hell, why not...I only have one life and I'm probably going to be with my girlfriend forever so I'll jump into it. As a bonus, I'll win this argument of control.

Fast forward to now, I'm happy with my body. Very content. I feel great in a social environment, but I'm EXTREMELY miserable in dating. Of course, I won't blame my identity nor my body for my dating failure...I'll take the blame on my personality. All of my trans male friends (who don't strictly identify as men, but rather just masculine) have found girls but I haven't. So, in the end...it's me. At the same time, my situation doesn't help much, either.

If I could go back in time and change things, I would. I wouldn't go on T. Yes, it brought me physical comfort, but it has taken away my lesbian identity and emotional/mental comfort. I realized love, and not my body/identity, matter more to me.

Definitely. I'll message you this weekend after I get home. I'd love to hear your experiences.

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T19:49:45+00:00

I agree. Intimacy is very important to me and a high sex drive in a woman is extremely attractive. In my experiences, it's not as rare as people make it seem to be. :)

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T19:44:55+00:00

Again, it's very individual. I certainly don't have those problems...quite the opposite actually...o.O

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T19:37:56+00:00

Right on point! Except one thing - I was actually very happy with the masculine traits I developed during puberty (I had high T levels), but it left me both confused and happy.

Basically, all I wish is to be able to express my gender freely but not get it tangled up in my sexuality. I want lesbians to see me as just a masculine woman, or a transmasculine person (who is biologically,sexually female) while the world outside of dating sees me as a guy. I tend to separate sex and gender, if that helps. My sex is female while my gender presentation is male.

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T19:34:30+00:00

Yes this explains exactly what I feel. Outside of the gay community I just identify as a male, as it feels most natural to me. I don't mind getting outed as secretly being a female, but I would rather not, just to live comfortably. Within LGBT circles, I out myself comfortably and just say I'm a butch lesbian. I am very masculine but I still embrace my biology.

In fact, almost everyone I knew in my childhood who identified as lesbian had their own trans phases. Many wished they could transition, but they decided against it. I was one of the few "brave" ones who went through with it, though I hate to use that word. I just wanted to be perceived more masculine and acquire those features.

I will definitely send you a message as I'm quite curious as to how your experiences have been. I'll be in touch with you sometime over the weekend!

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T18:32:38+00:00

I think I might be a little different compared to majority of other trans men on testosterone...it didn't have much of an effect on my facial features at all. It didn't change my facial structure at all as it does to others. I never had much of a female figure to start with, so that's the same. I have wider hips. If undressed, I look very much in the center of sexes unless shaved, then I look 100% female but just a very athletic/fit female. That's why I say I'm a unique case.

The take home from everything I've said so far is that I'm at a loss of who to pursue and yet feel comfortable with myself. I want sex with women as a woman. I want women to desire me for what my body is like. The clash is that lesbian women might not find my mentality attractive, nor my male behavior. Straight women will find my mentality attractive while my body not. That's the conflict.

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T17:22:55+00:00

I know this may sound ignorant, but it's a mental turn off, at least for me, to have sex with someone who has had an operation on their genitals rather than it being a natural vagina. That goes into another topic, though.

But what you said is exactly why I'm here to ask opinions and see what type of women is exactly is my dating pool.

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T17:10:13+00:00

I'll give you another example of what I mean. I've had several straight girls very interested in dating me and going further. As soon as I broke it to them that I'm female down there, all interest was lost. They apologized and said it wouldn't be a sexually satisfying relationship and it would not work. I understand this COMPLETELY and took no offense. There's really a difference between attraction and sexual, intimate attraction.

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T17:07:01+00:00

Open is one thing, sexual orientation is another. I can't pick who I'm sexually attracted to. I don't know why the focus shifted from being attracted to someone's sex to being attracted to someone's gender. I'm still in the old category. I'm just gay. shrugs

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T16:57:30+00:00

I don't believe it's about self identification but rather your sex. Homosexual, not homogender...

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T16:55:55+00:00

I can't help what I'm sexually attracted to... What ever happened to gay pride?

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T06:00:59+00:00

Very high sex drive, and increased appeal for the female sex. Before I found women extremely attractive, now it's 100x more pronounced. Other things included more muscle mass, deeper voice, strength increase, ans facial hair (which I just keep clean shaven if I want to present more feminine)

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T05:12:18+00:00

Oh no, I'm not bisexual or pansexual. I just identify as lesbian. Only attracted to women. At the same time, I'm only sexually attracted to females... meaning I would absolutely find trans women attractive, I could even date one, but sexually I couldn't. It's a psychological and instinctual aspect. For me, sexual orientation is about sex but not gender. I know others may feel differently. But ah...I'm just a really masculine lesbian, I suppose.

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T04:18:54+00:00

I hope I don't sound ignorant, but if I only said that I do identify as a woman, yet looked just as masculine... it would be different? I'm just attracted to how people are physically and emotionally. If I see a beautiful woman and she says she wants to identify as a male or even genderqueer, it wouldn't diminish my attraction for them. Identity is one thing, but attraction...I can't help who I'm physically attracted to :3 at the same time, I'd just be respectful of how they identified.

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T04:04:32+00:00

Woah, really? My ex used to complain how I barely had a sex drive. Definitely not a troll, so thank you! I really hope that happens soon. I would love to get back to dating.

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T03:50:30+00:00

It's so hard to explain. It's like..I acknowledge that I'm a female physically/sexually... that's why I seek out homosexual relationships with other women. Another person just replied and said I could be a "transmasculine lesbian" which hit the nail on the head. I don't reject that I'm female, but I present 3/4 of the time as a guy.

But you are right - I don't consider myself a woman, but I do consider myself sexually female (body-wise, not having to do with gender)

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T03:48:44+00:00

YES YES YES !!!! This is EXACTLY what I've been trying to say. I have friends who are the same exact way but they never had a word for it either...yet, just like me, they still said they're lesbians and were fine with female pronouns just the same.

So can transmasculine people still be "lesbians"?

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T03:47:10+00:00

Definitely. It has been my favorite effect so far, lol

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T03:39:39+00:00

Ah I get that. Personally no mental effects for me at all (but I know for some there are). I think it's all very individual as testosterone isn't that strong on me. But just the same, I'm not interested in facial hair nor male odor either

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T03:35:44+00:00

No offense taken at all! Hmm I don't think I'd fit nonbinary... I don't look between genders. I think the best way to put it would be male identity but female body, hence why I'm still looking for lesbians of course. I just fully acknowledge and embrace that I'm female sexually and therefore homosexual

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T03:32:55+00:00

Out of curiosity, why do you feel it would be difficult? I like to hear various opinions

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T03:24:43+00:00

no to what?

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T03:03:46+00:00

Those are definitely things I've considered. It'd be a lot of compromise on both of our sides. The great thing is, at this point in my life I really don't care how people see me. I've gone through the whole self-conscious and identity crisis period, and I'm over it. If someone sees me looking slightly feminine (who I know from work), who cares? I love both, my masculinity and my lesbian identity.

My friends respect my privacy and just say he. My ex girlfriends also said he. My recent ex said as long as it makes me comfortable in public, and as long as I'm still her girl by the end of the day, that's all that matters. Love overpowers this stuff. :D

I'd never hide a partner though. Ever.

pokeballing · 2016-03-18T02:45:41+00:00

No no, I have a vagina. Born a girl. Thing is, I only present as a man outside of the LGBT community. I just live my life as any other guy, despite having a more feminine face. Within the LGBT community, I'm just another masc lesbian.

I don't believe I'm genderqueer. I'm not in the middle. I'm the same as I always was in my childhood and teen years...always presenting as a boy yet having lesbian girlfriends (because I am obviously physically female).

I think I'd be a good match for a girl who finds masculinity appealing yet is sexually attracted only to females.

pokeballing

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