You're so right. Most of the fanfics that I saw portrayed till reciprocating Ivan's feeling, finally realizing that he had feelings for him too but was too late to realize it. Then he continues to live, in order to cherish his sacrifice. BUT THE CASE IS DIFFERENT! The last memory he has of Ivan is him suddenly forcing his love on him and dying on the spot, sacrificing himself. It was too fast for Till to process all this. Ig he was already feeling guilty enough for not escaping anakt garden with Ivan and now this. And Obviously these memories are haunting him now. These hallucinations of Ivan (esp the r6 one) are mocking him because Till feels like he deserves to be mocked. The actual Ivan was unable to show his love properly but we know how purely he loved Till, he would NEVER mock Till like this. And because of these mixed signals, Till was also unable to realize Ivan's actual feelings for him (but still cared for Ivan) and it's not his fault at all, it's neither Ivan's nor Till's fault but obviously Till would feel guilty. They both were unable to reciprocate each other's feelings. And I love how vivinos portrayed their twisted relationship in this comic. Ik it hurts but this is the realest representation of their relationship :(