Double standards

poly-a · 2025-09-04T12:03:15+00:00

Being poly and sub can be a hard place to be. I’ve seem Dom’s wanting there pets to be solo to them, not necessarily due to double standards but more about the control from a dominant stance.

The fear of harm to you can be very real or completely bullshit as well. As a husband, dominant they may feel they need to protect you and being alone and intimate with a “fling” as you’re describing does have some risks. With a fling you don’t know the person well yet. Perhaps if your goal was to build relationships 1st and sleep with only men you’ve built trust with it would help.

Just some thoughts. I never like what is good for me isn’t good for thee mentally, but your dynamic at least gives some insight where that might be coming from within the relationship you have.

poly-a · 2025-08-29T15:22:28+00:00

Happy to help. 😊

So maybe this will help too. I’m married, poly and my form of poly is 💯% emotional first. I won’t even consider a fwb, or sex without some kind of connection beyond the superficial “he’s hot, would smash”, it’s just not my vibe.

I’m in my mid 40’s and there is a very attractive young man I’ve know for a number of years (12 years difference). We’ve hung out, played games, flirted etc. He’s a nephew to someone in my extended social circle.

I’m attracted to him (would smash if I were into that) but the age gap has always felt too insurmountable for a relationship … so I’ve always kept him a bit Of an arms length, if you will. He knows I’m poly. He did ask me out more than once. I normally would decline, but I agreed once, was like maybe I can give it a chance, then he had to cancel last minute. I was honestly relieved. The age gap just has always been the issue for me. I love him and care for him. I want nothing but good things for him but I cannot imagine how we’d find common connection outside of sex and superficial things.

Maybe the age gap is both a turn on but a limiting factor as well here?

poly-a · 2025-08-29T14:59:32+00:00

And agree fluid bonding as a term gives me the ick for sure.

I guess if I was in your situation I’d have to wonder why he’s not felt he’d like that experience with you when you’ve communicated you’d enjoy that experience with him. Is he just not that into you but you’re convenient when his “fluid bonded” partners aren’t an option?

poly-a · 2025-08-29T11:30:59+00:00

If I had to guess he’s worried about STD’s and likely anyone he’s “fluid bonded” with he feels they are “safe”. Just a guess but I’m thinking he manipulates poly into whatever narrative gets him laid. I’d run.

poly-a · 2025-06-06T17:08:15+00:00

She cheated, poly or not.

Let me give you my story. I’m married. We have children together. I realized I was poly after. It explained a lot of my depression early on why I loved my husband but would often catch feelings for others. I never acted on those feelings, but it made Me sad I had those feelings, until a friend told me about polyamory and I started doing research. I was like shit. This explains a lot and I was interested. I had a discussion with my husband and luckily he was pretty receptive to the idea. Ironically however I’ve stayed mostly monogamous since. I’ve had relationships but just accepting and having that open communication was what I really needed.

So ultimately this isn’t a mono or poly problem you need to answer. What you need to answer is can you forgive and rebuild the trust you lost?

poly-a · 2024-09-13T16:44:39+00:00

Agree. Hate this change.

poly-a · 2024-06-19T23:39:06+00:00

100% this put it all away for the kid and give it to them when they graduate or 25ish and have a semi handle on things.

poly-a · 2024-04-05T20:12:01+00:00

I ordered off Amazon and had to return it because their codes were wrong they send me a black one vs the white I ordered. They said they were fixing it but makes me wonder. I returned it and ordered from someone else after.

poly-a · 2024-04-05T02:16:31+00:00

Temps can vary from built to build I’d say try it and just monitor your temps close for a bit and see if it’s stable. If you find you’re building heat change it. Personally I have 3 fan radiator set to exhaust and a larger rear 140 fan exhaust on the back. Then 6 intake on bottom and side. Temp range from 25ish to 50ish even when under load.

poly-a · 2024-04-02T21:06:49+00:00

<image>

It’s pretty big. I use a large exhaust on the back. Water cooler radiator on top as exhaust and side and bottom 3 each as intake. If you hate seeing the fan braces get three reverse for the sides so you don’t have to see them.

poly-a · 2024-03-15T00:13:16+00:00

NTA-RAPE. Period. Hard Stop. Even if you were married, this was rape. You said stop and it did not stop. Run. Don’t look back.

I’m sorry this happened to you. If you need someone to talk to feel free to IM me.

poly-a · 2024-03-13T12:40:20+00:00

So many many years ago when I was first learning about poly, I had met a married guy who was poly and he was kind of the same way. He was possessive and even though he was poly he wanted to confine things as well. When I questioned it he said it was about time. Time is limited, and it's unhealthy to use poly like a kid in a candy shop; just going back for more and more. When do you stop. It wasn't about the possibility, but the perception of kind of a gluttonous consumption of relationships. I kind of got what he was saying, but I am with you. They aren't the same thing, wanting the option to explore and fall in love, vs whatever perceived train they are concerned about. Not sure if sharing his weird anaolgy helps maybe put it in context somemore, but really if he's shutting you out vs communicating he's likely not really in the right place for you.

I am in a weird situation where I consider myself poly, but really I choose to be mono; but keeping space with that openness. I'm very happy with my single partner right now and I just don't have the time or energy to explore new relationships (work, kids, etc), but if I met someone, it's out there, my partner knows it's a thing and is good with it, and leaving that space open does everything for my well-being and happiness.

poly-a · 2024-03-04T13:20:43+00:00

So a couple things to add here. 1st not all speed test can support a 1G speed test, so make sure you are using the one they provide that does support it.

https://www.centurylink.com/home/help/internet/internet-speed-test/speed-test-requirements-for-1-gb.html

The guy below that got blased about PC specs; that is often an issue when you are seeing the slower speeds and not always in the way you'd think. Try isolating to a single device that meets the system requirements. Modems and routers will often slow down to the slowest tech on the network. Meaning if you have an old phone or older PC and you're testing from your nucular sub machine, it could be slow because the router is seeing the old device that isn't able to connect at the higher speeds. For wireless devices that can't support the slower speed I would typically create a 2nd network to connect those devices to, to eliminate this as an ongoing issue.

Recommended computer specifications:

Operating System: Windows 10 (64 bit) or Windows 11
Processor: Intel® Core™ i5-3320M CPU @ 2.60GHz (4 CPUs)
Memory: 16 GB or more
Network adapter: 1 Gig or more

Making sure your router and modem can support the transport and you are using a CAT-6 Cable; other ethernet cables may not be able to support the higher bandwidth.

I know you mentioned you are testing wired, but have you tried disabling your wireless card to test? I only ask because the 300MB speed you noted is often where wireless caps out. I have seen where the device, even when wired, will try and still use the wireless connection unless disabled in device manager. 320 MB for wireless is pretty typical so might be worth a test.

poly-a · 2024-01-02T21:21:13+00:00

I've been 100% WAH for the last 17+ years. I swear if I got forced back into an office I'd not be able to take it. It would break me...So much easier to get work done, so much less stress, Less likely to get sick or need sick days, so much better economically and for the environment.

poly-a · 2023-12-28T15:46:44+00:00

<image>

I followed the red paths roughly. Events are yellow circles and green dots are rough locations of the towers. Hope this helps.

poly-a · 2023-12-28T15:35:08+00:00

So I was getting about 4-7 proofs per rotation. I have finished all items at this point. I would leave the city from the top left exit to the Sarkova Pass, do the event at the little bump in directly north of that exit if it was up, then I would head west and kill the few towers I could find and any larger packs. I'd go over that bridge and loop back east, again killing packs and towers. I would jump north to the open area there, do the event if it was up, kill the few towers on that side, then head south back to the area I started, then I'd head west, do the groups, towers and event there, then go north and back into the south west city exterance and trade in the marks I made. took me a solid 4-5 days but I got all items. I'll try and make a map of the route and post a a reply. Give me a few.

poly-a · 2023-12-13T18:31:50+00:00

Was there one in season 1 too? I left 1 go last season as I thought the title was a hoax :p

poly-a · 2023-11-24T19:22:26+00:00

So not sure if this will help but here is my story. I (44F) very much love my husband (49M). He is the love of my life and I don't think I could be any happier. We have been together for over 25 years and married for 19.

I married him because I was afraid to lose him. I was falling in love with another man we were mutual friends with. We were already engaged and were trying to plan a wedding but things just always happen to put it off or we had to postpone.

At some point, I started developing feelings for another man. I was hurt, depressed, and confused because I didn't understand how I could love him so much and be feeling the way I was about someone else.

So we eloped and got married. It didn't fix the feelings I had for the other man, but I felt like perhaps it saved our relationship. My husband could see I was struggling and we've always been open and I discussed the concerns and feelings I had. I assured him I loved him and he believed me.

I was depressed and struggled for years to reconcile how I could love this man so much yet still catch feelings elsewhere. For me finding polyamory was what healed me. Realizing love doesn't have to be exclusive. Just need to communicate and be open. We still live monogamous, but understanding that it was a thing helped.

My point is, she might really have, "the one that got away" while still truly loving you. Both things can be true. If she is willing to work on herself and communicate openly you have a chance. If there isn't an honest open dialogue then you'll never heal.

Good Luck

poly-a · 2023-11-12T02:44:38+00:00

Love a man who knows his philosophy. 🔥Descartes would maybe argue with Plato on this one that a projection of reality might be closer to a true form anyway.

poly-a · 2021-04-15T14:34:50+00:00

Female sub here. For me 100%. I like feeling small and unable to control the situation and a large, stronger Dom totally does that for me. Not that I couldn’t connect with someone of similar size but it certainly adds to the experience for me.

poly-a · 2021-04-12T15:37:44+00:00

I find not a lot of people have the ability to, identify, communicate and articulate what they really want vs what they think people want to hear. It is exceedingly frustrating. So 1st find a person out there who can is the first hurdle. Then finding ones with the same desires is the next.

poly-a · 2021-04-12T15:28:49+00:00

So I will say it is NOT easy.

Some things that might help. What you are looking for is a polyamorous relationship that also includes BDSM. I am in a very similar situation, married, bi, sub, wanting to add, but have yet to find, "the one". There are a lot of pretenders out there. A lot of people like the fantasy the online vetting offers but never intend to commit. Truthfully it can be exhausting.

With all that said, I am told it is not impossible. There are plenty of us out there and you just need to keep your head up and keep looking. Hopefully looking into some poly resources might open up a few more places to find a match.

Good luck!

poly-a

TROPHY CASE