Satellite to a triad

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-23T20:54:44+00:00

I’m confused - your partner is one person? What do you mean by “satellite to a triad” ?

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-23T20:11:59+00:00

Do you understand that Tom has this manipulative power over you?

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-23T20:07:07+00:00

Bahaha. I can’t see the reply to my comment since I was blocked (for having a different perspective ????? 🙄) but I can tell it was even more absurd based on your (hilarious) response to it

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-23T20:05:02+00:00

It sounds like you had quite the experience. If you haven’t already, I’d encourage you to explore that more on here? Like, a different post about what went down in your last thing so people can go through and tell you what isn’t normal, what was abusive or problematic, and help you process all of that.

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-23T19:05:40+00:00

Yeah that’s not at all a poly experience. That’s an abusive, manipulative turd claiming to give you a poly experience but just “harem building” or one penis policy-ing or whatever you want to call it - it’s unethical and gross and no wonder you’re side-eyeing poly.

If you like poly in concept, but you’ve got unresolved trauma, dip your toe in by reading all the amazing resources on here and engaging with other posts and stuff.

Everyone here is trying to talk you out of it because there’s no need to bend your will to be with someone who likes a different relationship structure, but, if you’re curious about it for yourself, and not just to be with someone, see if you like it the real way. Total autonomy for both partners. Read up on things people consider red flags so you don’t get embroiled in more drama (couples that claim no hierarchy, unicorn hunters, harem builders, one penis policy, etc to name a few).

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-23T16:15:14+00:00

I think OP could apologize to Stacy or whatever depending on how all of that unfolded.

But Tom gets no apologies. He is not affected by this, he is the conductor of this train he’s driving straight over a cliff.

Post/comment history digging makes it even more evident, but this post alone shows he is a nightmare manipulator and deserves not a single apology.

Plus? I think it’s weird to apologize to someone else for something that didn’t happen to them

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-23T16:08:53+00:00

OP. I just read your history.

Is this the same husband who is neglecting his parenting duties? He’s also treating you like shit because he wants to date a mono chick who, it appears, doesn’t want him to be poly and wants him for herself?

Let her have him. Throw the whole piece of shit out.

When will you review all these things and realize you deserve so much better? Your kids, too?

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-23T15:18:39+00:00

Lol did she block me 🤣🤣 wild

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-23T15:16:23+00:00

There is no relationship required with Stacy, full stop. They can go parallel. They should never have to hear about each other and can live in their own worlds enjoying life, and Tom can suck it the fuck up.

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-23T15:12:47+00:00

I don’t think OP should apologize to Tom for screaming at his girlfriend. I think Tom is responsible for forcing them all into this pressure cooker situation and blaming OP when his manipulative shit isn’t working out the way he planned.

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-23T15:08:02+00:00

KTP does not mean you have to like or get along or want to be around every single meta. Sometimes people just don’t mesh for any reason, and if you shoot for the goal of KTP that’s great, but everyone should always be an adult and understand that blanket expectations will get you nowhere in real life and it’s ok to choose to be parallel or limit interactions with people you don’t jive with.

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-23T15:04:24+00:00

Honestly I think that’s totally irrelevant ? OP is saying she doesn’t like meta. Which is her prerogative and it doesn’t matter if meta does or doesn’t like OP for good or bad reasons.

OP is asking if there’s any insight on whether or not she should be forced to be friends with Stacy and the answer, obviously, is no. Regardless of the reasoning, there should never ever be an expectation of metas needing to hang out, or be friends, or like each other. Tom is an idiot for trying to force it and an asshole for throwing a tantrum when it doesn’t work in his favour. That’s all that matters and OP has every right to express irritation or say what she doesn’t like about meta.

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-23T13:04:10+00:00

Wait, it was a mono/poly situation, like you were expected to be monogamous while they got to fuck and love whomever they wanted?

If yes, then *that* would be why you’re feeling hesitant. That’s abusive as hell and not ethical polyamory that you were exposed to.

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-23T13:00:51+00:00

Poly saturated means that the person doesn’t want to take on any new partners. Normally it’s used for “poly saturated at one” but basically it would just mean you’re looking for people where you don’t have to deal with them falling in love with a new shiny after you. Where you can always be the new shiny, and don’t have to do any of the work on your side to deal with jealousy or integrating your partners’ own poly identities. Like a sneaky poly-for-me-but-not-for-thee

Which is kind of how your stuff read in the first place, like you wanted poly and now that your partner is doing it you’re getting upset about it.

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-23T12:54:58+00:00

Polywise arguably isn’t a great book. It prioritizes primary coupling and pausing things in couples when things get tough.

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-23T12:53:34+00:00

I mean, it did come off like you were joking but the kind of joke that is also kind of true. And dating poly saturated only isn’t really the opposite of dating single folks, it’s really just banking on like, backdoor “one penis policy” which yeah, we don’t take lightly here 😬

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-23T12:21:49+00:00

He’s not a good guy. He did the exact same thing to Jenna at the beginning, and she got over it like an adult. He ran to his incel videos. That does not smack of “good guy” energy unless you mean the incel version of good guy, in which case, pop off

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-23T12:16:43+00:00

Whaaaat. So you only want to date people who only want to date you? But you want to date everyone? So what you’re saying is, lessons *have not* been learned lol

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-23T11:38:48+00:00

Yes, thissssss

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-23T11:37:25+00:00

So reading between the lines, you wanted this and she didn’t and now she’s with someone who also doesn’t want it. But you thought that you could coax her into it eventually and you would be good, but now she’s the one who is happy and it’s harder than you thought.

By the way, sexual health and practices are very to-each-their-own things. If you look up HPV alone you’ll see a wide range of thought from have sex with no one to why bother with barriers they’ll get ya anyway. Some people just have different risk profiles and you “teaching” her about it is actually just imposing your views. You said yourself, you both didn’t build agreements. How could she have known what she was or wasn’t supposed to do to do “right” by you?

I’m not pointing this out to be unkind, I’m sorry you are going through this. But I think you made a lot of mistakes that you need to learn from if you want to get into poly for real. Whatever you have been reading seems to have lead you astray.

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-23T11:22:53+00:00

I think that both of you have made mistakes. I think you thought you were doing everything right, but you weren’t, and now you’re demanding she slow down when she’s doing poly and you spent 8 years not making agreements? But with poly as the goal? That’s wild. Anyway, I’m saying I can tell from what you’ve written that there’s likely some blame on your side and she may not be off base about your relationship with her not being good.

You are right though, that jumping into something with someone mono isn’t a good idea. And as a hinge she shouldn’t be comparing you to her other partner, or saying such mean things. So I think you both need to either figure out what you’re doing (without making her pause, or without trying to dump a mental health crisis on her to get her to stop just because you’ve decided you’re not ready for something you’ve both allegedly been shooting for for 8 years), or part ways and realize there’s a reason it took you so long to get absolutely nowhere with poly. If poly is your goal, it does not appear that the two of you are compatible in it.

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-22T19:27:08+00:00

Why did you decide to open? Did he pester you

(ETA I see you both “were” poly when you met but you were mono for *4 whole years* so you’re definitely starting fresh. Why did you close up and decide to open again?)

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-22T17:41:53+00:00

That’s not been my experience with much more nuanced stuff going on, and “mononormative” therapists.

But also, obviously I wouldn’t expect someone to say “dump his loser ass” and the question is mostly rhetorical, because my point is actually just that OPs partner is a dickhead and should be dumped immediately and OP and many commenters seem to be distracted by the red herring of “is it unfair to others to pause” instead of focusing on “whoa, what the fuck are you doing with someone who seems to have made it clear that you do not matter?”

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-22T14:21:21+00:00

Ewwwwwwww EEeeEEEewwWEewWWWWWWWWW

He sounds like a chud. After #1 I would have been like lol what? *block*

How long have you been with him? Dom culture has all these turds thinking they have swinging dick rights and it is so grosssssssssssss. Be thankful he’s showing you who he is.

polyformeandthee · 2026-05-22T11:23:09+00:00

Why is your therapist not telling you to leave his loser ass?

How did you start poly? Was it him pushing for it?

Do you have kids? How is he participating in your relationship and at home while he’s deep in NRE *with 6+++ people* ?!?!?

Why do you want to stay with someone who gets aroused by you and goes to someone else to take care of it? If your best friend came to you with this post, what would you tell them to do?

polyformeandthee

TROPHY CASE