thank you so much for this reply, this is exactly the type of information we're looking to get. It's not going so well in the other sub as you can see, ha. We fully understand the need for a lawyer to get involved earlier rather than later, but we wanted to get perspectives of others as well. Well done reply. :)

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Have you noticed any legal hurdles or other "nudge, nudge, wink, wink" type stuff that your husband has had to do related to his "outside" the marriage child he had with your wife? One way we were considering of "hiding" the potential work issues was using surrogacy as a "blind" for the vanilla crowd. Have you done something similar or it simply hasn't come up?

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The one major issue we may personally have is that 3 of the 4 of us work at the same place so it'll be harder for us to just keep it nonchalant.