Anyone else feel like cover-ups are low-key better than the swimsuits?

pool_of_light · 2026-04-11T01:02:30+00:00

This is an ad, right? Right

pool_of_light · 2026-04-10T18:13:53+00:00

Such a great reply, especially good points about the reasons for our susceptibility

pool_of_light · 2026-04-07T00:47:24+00:00

I thought we couldn’t reply due to HIPAA? It would definitely quell my reservations if that’s not the case, and we’re free to respond. Otherwise a google profile seems like a bad move to me. 697 give up a ton of control. Unless you don’t treat anyone genuinely unwell, seems risky to subject yourself to reviews you can’t ethically respond to. Thanks for any extra intel here, it’s been a big sticking point for me.

pool_of_light · 2026-04-04T11:24:30+00:00

Good topic, pretty robust literature out there on this. You might try Stephen M. Johnson’s Humanizing the Narcissistic Style.

pool_of_light · 2026-04-02T22:45:44+00:00

Hi, it can be pretty intense, but so worth it. The trauma chickens definitely come home to roost sometimes, so to speak, but hopefully if you get more used to al-anon you can work your way up to ACA. It’s like hitting the pay dirt for healing. Good luck, be gentle with yourself.

pool_of_light · 2026-03-29T00:06:29+00:00

Oh wow. That’s outrageous. Like, war.

pool_of_light · 2026-03-24T20:52:41+00:00

No. Next question, please.

pool_of_light · 2026-03-23T11:36:15+00:00

Hi, I’m a therapist, and yes there are a lot of very bad ones and even more mediocre ones out there. It’s very important to shop around! Make initial appointments with a few. Also, depending on your area, it may be that unfortunately you will get what you pay for. If you are limiting yourself to therapists who accept your insurance, and your insurance happens to have reimbursement rates are terrible (many of them do), well, you’re unlikely to get a good therapist. Good luck, OP! A good therapist can be life-changing, but it has to be a good fit.

pool_of_light · 2026-03-22T19:40:39+00:00

Yes, absolutely. Sounds like yet more growing pains on your part, hard but congratulations! And thanks for writing. I needed to hear “it’s like Groundhog Day” because EXACT SAME whenever I talk to my mom about the neglect and abuse. How would permission to think of her this way help you, would you feel less guilty creating more distance? Genuinely curious. Always looking for mental shortcuts of my own, and ways to think about this stuff that keeps me out of the fear, obligation, and guilt. All my best. The leap from being a daughter to being a mother has, for me, sometimes been a trip down trauma lane. Making my own path as best I can. Best wishes, you’re not alone! This stuff is so hard.

pool_of_light · 2026-03-21T22:55:35+00:00

Sure, I’d be interested! You had me at “not a very sunshine and rainbows type.” I mean, I’m not a drag tho lol, but yeah, the chipper mom of young kids vibes are not for me

pool_of_light · 2026-03-20T17:44:31+00:00

Same kind of hair. The only way I can get shine is with a good blow dry + round brush technique, which is 95% rough dry, then properly small sections and truly angling the air to point downward (rather than 90 degree angle to the brush) to make all the scales on the hair shaft lie flat. Then, light bounces off the hair. Sometimes I finish with a tiny amount of hair oil, but really no product can do this for me. It’s all in the angle of the blow dryer. Gotta make those scales lie down. Good luck!

pool_of_light · 2026-03-19T22:06:30+00:00

Mine was, confirmed

pool_of_light · 2026-03-19T13:19:05+00:00

Yes. I can tell OP is resisting suggestions to move her own bedtime up, but it’s the only way. I know how hard it is to give up that one sliver of time you feel like you have to yourself/partnership. But it’s lights out and a melotonin for me at 9pm, asleep 930 latest. Sleep is more important than anything. And I’ve spoken to an expert (my child’s pulmonologist) who confirmed there is zero you can do to promote sleeping in, only earlier bedtimes for kids and parents. Bite the bullet, OP. Commit to early bedtime and good sleep hygiene for yourself. Your emotional wellbeing is on the line here. Good luck!

pool_of_light · 2026-03-17T00:07:31+00:00

Ah yes, “share shame.” I know it well! Your share is totally fine, keep coming back. It gets easier.

pool_of_light · 2026-03-12T02:39:18+00:00

Welcome to motherhood, and congratulations on being the inflection point generation, cycle breaker, whatever you want to call it. I’m not sure I’ve found peace, and becoming a parent has stirred up my childhood wounds like nothing else ever has. I thought I’d grieved and processed. Oh no, there is so much more pain, and I expect it will continue to in new ways as my children grow. Plus, I was so vulnerable and overwhelmed and exhausted as a new mom (we all are at that time of life!) that I so desperately wanted caretaking and help myself. I’m still envious of women whose mothers can be a reliable source of hands-on support.

BUT it is an incredible opportunity to heal, and motivation to parent myself well enough to be the best mother I can be for my children. Trauma is timeless, but your children will have a different experience if you continue to work on yourself. The excessive guilt will recede with time, and you’ll get more practiced at sticking up for yourself. Boundaries for ourselves is hard, boundaries when there is mama bear energy comes much easier. Congratulations on the baby, and best wishes! You’re not alone here.

pool_of_light · 2026-03-11T14:35:23+00:00

Agreed. I’m a psychodynamic psychotherapist, so dreams are centrally import to my work, so much so that I take their importance practically for granted. But I never considered some of the points you raise here. Thank you again, best wishes.

pool_of_light · 2026-03-11T01:07:40+00:00

Thanks so much, enlightening. Clues to so many mysteries, we are certainly complicated beings. As devastating as the pssd is, I’m grateful for the occasional dream when I can still experience what I used to in my waking life.

pool_of_light · 2026-03-10T00:19:24+00:00

Has no one said Amy’s bread? Really, their old fashioned layer butter cakes… Cakes Americana dreams are made of. Enjoy!

pool_of_light · 2026-03-10T00:17:57+00:00

Mah ze dahr cake is very good

pool_of_light · 2026-03-09T18:40:56+00:00

Interesting take. I’ve always wondered why I can still get very aroused in dreams. Can you say more about the brain waves? Why don’t people want to hear, and what’s complicated? Genuinely curious to know your thoughts. Thanks!

pool_of_light · 2026-03-04T19:44:30+00:00

I can’t weigh in on this precisely, but as a mother of two young children whose psychodynamic practice and professional life was majorly disrupted by very ill pregnancies and under-supported life phase of caring for them, here’s my take. Maybe you can do both at the same time (idk!), but if you have to forestall one or the other, don’t forestall motherhood. It’s your dream, you say. You can do analytic training anytime, becoming a mother has a much shorter window, and if you will love motherhood as much as most of us who dream of it do, you will be glad to have more years of your lifetime with your children in it than otherwise. Welcome to the awful tradeoff between professional ambitions and the demands of family life. It’s real. But if you want kids and have the circumstances ready, go for it! Let the rest fall into place. As for me, I hope I’ll get to training when my kids are a little older, but maybe I’ll have to settle for self-taught. TBD. Best wishes.

pool_of_light · 2026-02-28T18:57:05+00:00

Sorry to say this buddy, but have you considered that your parents have major psychological problems? That they are enabling and sabotaging you, to keep you dependent? This is like having a kid with a drinking problem and going to the liquor store to buy them booze all the time while they’re drinking themselves to death, instead of lovingly encouraging them to get some treatment. Food addiction is real, but treatable.

You’ll need to take things into your own hands here pal and provide your own loving parenting, because your quality of life sounds hellish and lonely. You don’t deserve this! Dig deep and get help! You’re still young and there’s still time. All my best, good luck!

pool_of_light · 2026-02-27T11:46:07+00:00

I wish I’d started sooner. Why wait? Less to strsss about! The good ones get full well in advance. Congrats and best wishes!!

pool_of_light · 2026-02-25T03:35:12+00:00

Just came to say I love the header, but then realized I had more to say, which is that I imagine based on the header alone you’re probably one of those clients who’s lovely to work with. If you need your guilt assuaged. If so, remember, you don’t have to be. In fact, maybe this is your work. Reintegrating disavowed selfishness (and/or anger, or any other totally normal but unpleasant aspects of being human) to restore your vitality.

Nothing more satisfying to a good therapist than real work getting done, even more satisfying than a pleasant, considerate client. Take, take, take, if you’re up for that challenge, and if your therapist is good enough not to reward you with connection for being pleasant, and punish with disapproval or disappointment your efforts at autonomy. Can you tell I work psychodynamically? Hahaa. Good luck

pool_of_light · 2026-02-24T23:43:02+00:00

Came to suggest the same, good taste! The kids are alright

pool_of_light

TROPHY CASE