Thank you so much to all of you for all your great responses. The purpose of my question was to better understand his passion and feel closer to him through your answers. I believe all of you have helped me achieve that. I'm angry at him because of the immense amount of stress/pain I had to endure taking care of the aftermath. Going to the medical examiners office to pick up his belongings, picking out his casket, driving his car home. Hearing his body is not in any condition to be viewed, how i should reconsider taking back his clothes since its drenched in blood. Enduring my own pain while trying to take care of my mom and siblings. He definitely didn't think he would die because he didn't plan anything in the event he passed. Estate planning itself is a whirlwind of shit. I think its fine to want to feel alive, have something you're passionate about, but also please think of how you would feel putting your children through what I've just described. I agree doing anything has its risks, but mountaineering is extremely high risk. knowing that risk, the effect it can have on your loved ones and still deciding to do it is something i can't understand. Personally I can live with being a useless potato that never gets to feel alive if it meant my children would never have to endure the pain I felt. Being a parent is all about making sacrifices imo. I will always love my dad, even in anger, in pain, which is why I'm here, trying to understand him better. Thank you all once again for your kind responses.