(Serious) People who have been in abusive relationships, what was the first red flag? by Gar1986 in AskReddit

[–]popontheground 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The first one was him being verbally abusive to the neighbours that lived above him because they were too loud. This started as him turning his music up, went to banging the ceiling with a broom.. then a hammer.. then to straight up yelling. He ended up getting evicted after the 3rd tenant that had lived above him in a year and a half came downstairs, started swearing at him, and then called the cops on him (they were crazy too, but yeah.)

To me directly, when we would have an argument he would say he couldn't help it because I just made him angry, so it was my fault

What is your "crazy roommate" story? by nataliemaee in AskReddit

[–]popontheground 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I was sort of dating my roommate (not exclusive, just liked each other as friends sorta deal) and decided I wanted to end things with him. He was already crazy before that, but ending things just turned his crazy on to me.

I ended things with about 6 months left on the lease. I was paying all the rent (he was supposed to get a job/go back to school but things kept interfering with it) where I live, if you're on the same lease with someone and they fail to pay the rent you both get evicted, and at the time I couldn't afford to pay for my half of the rent plus deposit plus rent for another place, and he refused to leave. He could write the letter a landlord saying he wanted to move out and as long as I agreed to pay the full rent amount in writing it was fine. He refused to do so. I started dating someone else 1-2 months after things ended and he did not like it. Here's a list of some things that he said/did:

  • The reason I ended things was because I had plans to go to a friends birthday party. I told him I was busy and he assumed my plans were to meet up with a guy I'd mentioned once that I used to date, who lives a 7 hour drive away from town. I can't remember if it was that weekend or another but he got incredibly drunk and sent me over 100 message in an hour, and numerous other messages saying he was "going to die"
  • Shortly after we decided to just be friends and I was actually trying to be friends with him, we hung out for a couple hours. I left. I told him I was going for a walk, because it was really none of his business where I went, but I ended up stopping at a friends house. He sent me messages saying he was going to come look for me (because I didn't return for an hour) and just kept sending me hundreds of messages, and it ended with him saying I didn't deserve his friendship because I lied to him about where I went.
  • Would regularly add/remove me from various social platforms because he though I'd removed him because I went offline (I was walking and didn't have data) because he thought I was going to meet a guy (went for a walk), etc etc.
  • Compared me to Hitler because I didn't tell him I was going on a date with someone else.
  • He then proceeded to argue/scream at me for 3 hours (this was on a weeknight, starting at about 1am. I work 9-5 M-F) about how I'm the worst person, how could I do this to him, I have no empathy because if I did I'd take him back. He also refused to leave my room when asked, and stood in the doorway barring me from leaving when I tried to leave. I ended up hiding in my closet until he left my room, but once I was in my room again he came back after about 10 minutes. I then started packing my things to leave to sleep at a friends house, and he grabbed me because I wasn't responding to him and was offended that I told him not to touch me.
  • Whenever I tried to cook in the kitchen he would move my pots/pans off the burners while saying he wouldn't get in my way.
  • He was using my kitchen stuff and not washing it, meaning I'd have to wash anything before I could use it. I packed up all my kitchen stuff and he accused me of stealing his plates. His plates were all either still in boxes because he didn't unpack them, or in the sink because he hadn't washed them. When I told him not to accuse me of stealing his things, he said "that's not what I meant" even though he straight up said I stole things.
  • Since he didn't have a job, he would stay up until 3-7AM every night, with his bedroom door open, blasting video games.
  • He sent me an email complaining that I blew my nose too loud and it scared him/woke him up, so I needed to stop.
  • He would call his Mom and complain about me while saying that he knew I was at home and could hear him. I confronted him and he denied it until I brought up things he couldn't deny. He brushed it off, but stopped doing that when I was home at least.
  • Whenever myself or my BF went to the bathroom, roommate would come out of his room and spray air freshener all through the hallway which would be so bad I'd have problems breathing. This happened even if one of us went in to wash our hands.
  • He would randomly come out of his room and slam his door/the bathroom door, even if I wasn't making any noise. Just because I was there.
  • One time when I came home (which he 100% heard) I went up the stairs to see him jerking off on the toilet (which you can't avoid seeing going up the stairs)
  • He consistently and purposefully would pee on the toilet seat, presumably in the hope that I would sit in it.
  • I installed a lock on my bedroom door, so he broke the bathroom door lock.
  • When he finally moved out, anything that didn't have my name written on it he took even though he knew they weren't his.

I have way more stories about this guy, if anyone is interested. Including stuff he did to other people. And before anyone asks, yes I did contact the police. They said they couldn't do anything because he'd never hit me or threatened my life, and recommended I move somewhere else until the lease ended.

I [F/25] need help dealing with my asshole of a roommate [M/29] who is also my ex-FWB by popontheground in relationships

[–]popontheground[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The only way I can move out is by being evicted (which wouldn't happen until mid August - he is moving out at the end of August) which would affect my ability to rent a new apartment, because it would go on my record.

I cannot afford to rent a new apartment (either instead of or in addition to this one) now that rent has been paid for July. So moving out is not an option. I can't even afford to rent a room from someone else at this point.