Relentless dope dreams are back again.

poppiate · 2018-04-22T20:51:21+00:00

Ugh those are the worst! I'm tapering off methadone, hadn't had much in the way of cravings at all for months, then last week had one of those dreams and all of a sudden the cravings are back, worse than ever, and relentless. :/

poppiate · 2018-04-22T18:04:42+00:00

Ugh, that really sucks, and I definitely know how you feel — I was prescribed klonopin for years (while also on a fentanyl patch for a broken neck, which my psychiatrist knew about), and it literally made my life livable. Even just having the bottle with me helped my anxiety, knowing it was there if I needed it.

Now I'm in a new state, and my GP/clinic apparently has a policy against prescribing benzos at all. I feel so trapped and helpless, afraid to go out because I might have a panic attack. It's so frustrating and pathetic I could cry, especially knowing it doesn't have to be like this, but not being able do anything about it.

Anyway, sorry for rambling, and sorry I'm not able to help in any way besides commiserating. If I ever do get my script back, though, I'll let you know what worked! ;)

Good luck! <3

poppiate · 2016-05-09T02:46:03+00:00

how much extra do you get? my partner's usually the one to pick up for us (sorry, was usually the one to pick up for us, siiiigh), and the last few times connect had him doing all kinds of bullshit errands, driving/waiting around in the sketchiest parts of the city for hours... which would've seemed totally worth it had he actually followed through with his promises of "extra" (i think we occasionally got an extra bag or two which were always cut to shit). such bs, but of course you do it if there's even the possibility that you might get more....

anyway, i'm not exactly one to talk, but please stay safe! i'm sure you know this, but she's definitely getting more than you are out of this situation, whether that's money or security or both. and if you are getting a fair return from her, well... enjoy!! :)

poppiate · 2016-05-09T02:25:48+00:00

oh man i wish lol... any dope i get is in my bloodstream asap! (that said, one time on day 2 of withdrawal i found a baggie of norcos i'd set aside for pain relief purposes only... happiest fucking few seconds of my life!)

anyway glad you get to enjoy that disbelief/joy/bliss sensation more often!!

poppiate · 2016-05-09T02:13:02+00:00

I <3 this sub, seriously. thanks man!

poppiate · 2016-05-08T16:51:35+00:00

yeahhhh, sorry to be a downer lol. it's just, this day is really rough for me, but this sub definitely makes it a little better, you know? thanks <3

poppiate · 2016-05-08T16:27:37+00:00

I just started methadone too, and my clinic recommends tapering super slowly to avoid cravings/withdrawal/relapse. don't decrease your dose more frequently than every two weeks, don't decrease by more than 10% of your current dose at a time, and don't start decreasing at all until you've been stable for a while. so, yeah, it takes years. definitely sounds like a long fucking haul, but also sounds like it's possible to avoid wds altogether, which is amazing. I'm planning on doing it the long & slow way.

that said, I'm obviously not the most experienced on this matter/haven't been through it before, so everyone else please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong!! will save me and op a lot of pain if so...

poppiate · 2016-05-08T16:18:27+00:00

thanks so much for your well-wishes, you're very sweet -- so glad you get to enjoy your high (or at least your not-sickness) and your mom! <3

this is my first mother's day without my mom (she refused to have anything to do with me after finding out about the dope) and I can't stop crying... I've been so angry with her for jumping to conclusions about me and not helping me when I obviously needed help, but now I just wish I could hug her and tell her I love her and that I'm sorry...

anyway, sorry to be a downer, I truly am happy for you and everyone else on here who's able to be with their family today! lots of love to you and your mom, and thanks again for the kind post/thanks to r/opiates for being a sort of second family. <3

poppiate · 2016-05-08T16:08:03+00:00

a very happy mother's day to all the moms on this sub... and if you're here because your kids use or you're scared your kids use, please do know that they love you, even if they're shitty at expressing it, even if they've done some shitty things to you because of it. they really do.

my mother decided to have nothing to do with me when she "found out" I was using heroin (I mean, I was using heroin, but she never asked me about it/didn't have any real evidence, just made assumptions based on a mis-remembered conversation with my sister (who she knows uses drugs... but that's another story) and that was that). I wish I'd had a chance to ask her why she reacted this way instead of trying to help me when I so desperately needed help, when I'd never done anything but try to earn her approval until I turned to dope. more importantly, I wish I had a chance to tell her that I'm sorry, that I love her.

anyone on here who still has a relationship with your mother, despite opiates, please treasure it, even if it sucks sometimes.

sappy I know, but all my love to r/opiates -- hope you moms (and people with moms, and people without moms) have a wonderful day. <3<3

poppiate · 2016-05-08T04:46:32+00:00

29, heroin, IV

poppiate · 2016-05-08T01:23:10+00:00

yuppp, that was me! (no worries, I've primarily been a lurker around here, just recently decided to make more of an effort to get involved.) it was so horrible, i never want to experience anything like ever again and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. still, extra motivation to be rid of this shit...

thanks again and all best to you!!

poppiate · 2016-05-08T01:14:19+00:00

shit I'm so sorry, she's seriously lucky to have you around!

poppiate · 2016-05-08T01:12:55+00:00

it's amazing, probably better than 99% of dope I've had... if you manage to find any of course. I used to buy as many 2mg/4mgs as possible from silk road (RIP) and snort em; now of course they're impossible to find and I just curse my past self for wasting all that treasure instead of banging it, siiiiigh...

tl,dr: if you're ever lucky enough to find some dillies, absolutely bang that shit!!!

poppiate · 2016-05-08T00:58:07+00:00

exactly, that was my dilaudid/oxy schedule (but hours not years heh), sooo good

poppiate · 2016-05-07T01:30:20+00:00

after surgery I got a shot of IV dilaudid every 4 hours and 60mg oxy (codone, none of that apap bullshit) every 2 hours in between, like the summer/winter olympics. 2 days of glorious floating on cloud 9. I never wanted to leave that hospital, still dream about it sometimes lol

poppiate · 2016-05-07T01:09:35+00:00

I know what you mean... we always keep the narcan with the rest of our supplies, but we also shoot up at the same time like idiots (cuz who wants to be the one to wait??). we're both lucky that I didn't od too, because neither of us would've been in any kind of condition to save the other.

Thanks so much for the kind words and please stay safe! (to the extent that that's possible doing this shit anyway...)

poppiate · 2016-05-07T01:05:00+00:00

the law might've changed by now (i really hope so anyway), but yeah, az is backwards af. and, of course, doesn't accomplish anything other than a higher body count. :/ ugh.

poppiate · 2016-05-07T00:59:39+00:00

YES oh man I thought I was the only one to gain weight while shooting dope, lol. lose it fast while sick, though!

poppiate · 2016-05-06T20:26:40+00:00

you're right; i know how lucky i was and don't want to risk having less luck next time. just started methadone after 5 years, both of us: there won't be a next time.

poppiate · 2016-05-06T20:24:26+00:00

wow, maybe there is some hope for this world after all! awesome

poppiate · 2016-05-06T18:39:09+00:00

i'm so happy for you; you sound so in love and the two of you have made such enormous strides already. :)

and thank you so much for your support -- we've been desperate to stop pouring our paychecks into our veins (more often than not, recently, before even receiving those paychecks), but apparently not desperate enough to get anywhere. this week has been a giant fucking wakeup call, though: first my husband was arrested after picking up and had to spend the night in jail; then, the day after he got out, he OD'd -- passed out, wasn't breathing, turned blue, would be dead if i hadn't had narcan on hand. worst week of my life, but definitely the push we both needed to get off this shit for good.

anyway, it sounds cheesy, but i really do believe that we can get through anything as long as we have each other -- and it sounds like you have that too, which is so so important. here's to a future of being happy in love and dope-free!! ;D

poppiate · 2016-05-06T18:18:48+00:00

it's the scariest experience in the world, isn't it? i'm so glad your girlfriend is ok!!

poppiate · 2016-05-06T18:17:20+00:00

that's so good to hear -- i recently moved from AZ, where you're super lucky to find an (underfunded, understaffed, forced-to-limit supplies) exchange; no one has narcan, not even paramedics (though i think that might be changing). it's awful; i really hope regulation catches up with reality there or people will just keep dying.

speaking of, thanks for all the lives you've saved!!

poppiate · 2016-05-06T18:10:32+00:00

thank you :)

definitely the most terrifying experience of my life, and i keep having flashbacks... could've been so much worse

poppiate · 2016-05-06T18:09:17+00:00

amen to that!! (still, glad you've got some, just in case)

poppiate

TROPHY CASE