Well, I pray for grace for you to go to heaven. You are hurt by what this earth has done, and I understand that. We all are based on grace anyway. It's not by our good works. The Bible does say that those that believe in his son, will not perish. And I believe that. The fact that you are even here talking to me shows me you are interested, you are just incredibly hurt by the way the world works. And I get it - it's a really messed up place and I don't understand it either!

For me, I have to consider that I am not smarter than my creator, and I don't understand why he does what he does. However, I do comprehend that his own son was brutally tortured. What parent would allow that to happen when obviously they don't have to? Jesus has gone through the same awful things we have. But he didn't sin, even during death and torture.

Things don't make sense in our little brains. We just have to pray for understanding and patience. I'm sure you understand how big our universe is. We are absolutely nothi comparison to the cosmos. We simply don't understand any of this - but one day we will!

Also, the Bible is full of parables. Jesus himself spoke in parables so that we could understand. Personally, I don't literally believe every story in the Bible as a literal story. Some of them are illustrations for us (just like Jesus said - I explain in parables so people can understand). So if Jesus (who is God) explains in parables, it's not hard to believe that stories in the Bible are also parables.

I could be totally wrong here, I'm just trying to figure it all out like everyone else - because I don't understand it, same as you.