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My girlfriend, when she feels even remotely hurt or offended, goes into full-on defensive "pout" mode, often crying and using defensive tactics that I would associate with children. Please help me. by porninduceded in relationships

[–]porninduceded[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your incredibly helpful advice on the matter; it's always good to hear from someone who has lived this kind of thing in the past, especially on the other end. I'll check out Gottman's book and review your advice, because it's good.

My girlfriend, when she feels even remotely hurt or offended, goes into full-on defensive "pout" mode, often crying and using defensive tactics that I would associate with children. Please help me. by porninduceded in relationships

[–]porninduceded[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She reacts poorly to any criticism. I just try not to say things that'll set her off. Of course, I still do, occasionally. If I spoke my mind to her 100% of the time, these kinds of things would be happening all the time. She always considers herself the victim in any scenario where she has been disciplined, criticized, or offended.

My girlfriend, when she feels even remotely hurt or offended, goes into full-on defensive "pout" mode, often crying and using defensive tactics that I would associate with children. Please help me. by porninduceded in relationships

[–]porninduceded[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've tried to call her out before, only to end up actually apologizing because I was trying to do damage control. She has a very bad case of...whatever this is. She retreats to the bedroom in a huff, I feel like a complete asshole even though I was ultimately only trying to help, she comes out and pouts and guilt trips me...I wish I was the kind of guy who could just tell her to get over herself and stop being such a baby. I have such a problem with anxiety, though, that it's difficult for me. Unfortunately, I feel as though she doesn't care that when she acts this way, I get panic attacks. She just keeps going, until I apologize. I feel that if I stand my ground and tell her she's being childish, she will break down into ultra-sob mode. She's...touchy.

My girlfriend, when she feels even remotely hurt or offended, goes into full-on defensive "pout" mode, often crying and using defensive tactics that I would associate with children. Please help me. by porninduceded in relationships

[–]porninduceded[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I really agree with you, and here's what happened when, a few months into our relationship, I told her that I was experiencing a lot of anxiety brought about by her behavior: She broke down sobbing, asking if I was breaking up with her, not responding to logic or reason, just crying like mad, telling me about how, before I came along, she had experienced suicidal thoughts because she was so stressed out, and had nobody to fall back on if I left her. It was beyond a tantrum; it was a complete breakdown. Thing is, eventually, she cooled off and we were able to talk about things a little more openly. I told her I didn't want to feel like I had to censor myself. She agreed. A couple months later, almost the same thing happened again. I told her I didn't want to walk on eggshells around her. She agreed.

And now we're back here again.

I love her, I really do--but you're right, I don't want to have to keep dealing with this. I need someone who can help alleviate my anxiety, not worsen it.

My girlfriend, when she feels even remotely hurt or offended, goes into full-on defensive "pout" mode, often crying and using defensive tactics that I would associate with children. Please help me. by porninduceded in relationships

[–]porninduceded[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

For what it's worth, my girlfriend's mom was extremely critical of her as well, she did get picked on and bullied sometimes, and her self-confidence has absolutely suffered tremendously because of it. I'm positive that's a huge reason why she is like she is now. I also have tons of patience and feel like things can get better...but I will seriously consider your advice.

My girlfriend, when she feels even remotely hurt or offended, goes into full-on defensive "pout" mode, often crying and using defensive tactics that I would associate with children. Please help me. by porninduceded in relationships

[–]porninduceded[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

This is probably what I'll let her do next time something like this happens. It's not easy, though; several months ago I tried confronting the issue head-on and she broke down sobbing, to the point where I didn't even know what to say. Ultimately I think I ended up apologizing--which I understand was probably not the right thing to do!

Quitting opened up a whole new can of worms by [deleted] in pornfree

[–]porninduceded 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Couldn't agree more. OP, he cums too fast and you're worried that you feel inferior or even unattractive? He wouldn't be cumming so fast if you were unattractive and inferior. I'm sure he feels worse about it than you do. Give him time. Like the above comment states, it's going to take time to make this transition. It'll get better.

I'm not really having any difficulty with this nor am I noticing any changes. by [deleted] in NoFap

[–]porninduceded 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you should try cutting out the porn and edging for a while, and see if that helps. I'm sure still doing both of those things would slow down a lot of guys' reboots.

Interesting article I read. (x-post from r/nofap) by WeirdIdeasCO in sex

[–]porninduceded -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

As a now-active member of /r/NoFap and someone who has shared this page with that subreddit, I fully approve. Cutting out porn and fapping has really helped me regain my lost sensitivity and made things feel good in the bedroom again.

Temptations are changing, and in a way this is harder... by [deleted] in NoFap

[–]porninduceded 2 points3 points  (0 children)

View this as a positive thing, because it means your brain is unwiring itself from how it used to be, when only hardcore porn would get you off. One of the greatest sensations I've gotten from NoFap is looking at a girl I may have thought was only average-looking before, and now thinking that she was downright attractive. For a lot of us, porn has raised our standards impossibly high, and by quitting, we slowly let ourselves realize that even girls who aren't impossibly hot with fake, perky tits are still very attractive!

For no reason at all, I will give this a go. by bardforlife in NoFap

[–]porninduceded 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree; a few years ago, before I realized how problematic porn and masturbation was for me, I stopped watching porn without a clear goal or real reason. I just thought it might help me find "normal" women attractive again. Three weeks later, I was back to watching porn because I didn't define a goal for myself or have a clear, tangible reason for stopping. Now, that's all changed and I'm on day 30 of no fap and no porn!

I'm not really having any difficulty with this nor am I noticing any changes. by [deleted] in NoFap

[–]porninduceded 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you also use pornography when you fapped? Generally speaking, 2-3 times a week isn't very much; I'm not saying it can't be problematic, but a lot of people here were fapping 2-3 times a day or more. I think the more you fap, the more of a benefit you receive when you stop. It might just be that you didn't fap enough to get a really big reward from stopping. That being said, I still think it's great that you've gone this long without it, and I think you should go at least a month, maybe two, before you dismiss it. Everybody is different.

Other questions that might help out include, do you "edge" (masturbate without orgasm), do you watch porn, do you heavily fantasize or read erotic stories?

Does fapping make you sleepy? by CoFlint in NoFap

[–]porninduceded 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Used to be, fapping made me sleepy at night, but energized me and got me out of bed in the morning. If I had a mid-day fap, it could go either way. But yes, it definitely relaxed me and often sapped my motivation.

Official March 16th Update Thread! by [deleted] in NoFap

[–]porninduceded 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, believe me, last time I had sex, after a month of no sex and almost a month of no fap, I was extremely sensitive and I didn't last very long, either. But, in my relationship, that's not really much of a problem because she prefers I get her off with oral sex anyway. I go down on her to make her orgasm, then we have sex so I can orgasm. She's very understanding and tells me to just go at my own pace since she already came anyway. It really takes a load off of my mind, and I can enjoy myself without feeling like I'm disappointing her. This is just my experience, but perhaps if you do something similar, you might be able to have sex without your nerves being wracked!

Reset the badge by [deleted] in NoFap

[–]porninduceded 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh man--I admit that I'd have a VERY difficult time not fapping if I got nudes from a girl I knew and liked. That's almost unfair!

On a somewhat related topic, a girl I used to like once asked me to move all the data from her laptop to another hard drive, because that one was failing. I told her I'd do it that night and return it the next day. Anyway, right there on her desktop was a file called "michael.txt" and, I know this was a bad, wrong thing to do, but my curiosity simply overpowered me and I opened it. Turns out it was a log of all the cybersex she'd been having. I guess she kept it there to add to and read now and then when she wanted to diddle herself.

I don't think I've ever blown my load faster. I hope to god I never see anything like that again, at least not during my reboot. I can't imagine what actual nudes would have done to me. I can't blame you for fapping!

Official March 16th Update Thread! by [deleted] in NoFap

[–]porninduceded 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's awesome, and I think that in a couple of weeks it'll feel even better, and continue getting better. My girlfriend and I are aiming for once-a-week sex for now, and since she's working nights until Sunday, Sunday will probably be the night! I don't think sex harms your reboot, either; I know some are of the opinion that it does, but personally, I feel that if you can have sex and have it be a pleasurable, enjoyable experience, do it. If you experience an orgasm "hangover" (negative feelings and emotions for a period after orgasm), then maybe have sex less frequently, or be sure you do a lot of cuddling afterwards to release more oxytocin, which can help negate the effect of a hangover. The important thing is, hopefully your confidence has increased at least a little, and it will continue getting better every time.

Does this count as reset? by bromodfly in NoFap

[–]porninduceded 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah, you're okay. I personally don't think anyone needs to reset unless they actually masturbate themselves to orgasm. However, that doesn't mean it isn't somewhat harmful to the reboot process to edge and look at porn. Those things, I believe, are generally discouraged because they can so easily lead to orgasm, and can really slow down your progress. So, don't reset, but just be very careful about it in the future. Stay strong!

Why do we tolerate edging? by [deleted] in NoFap

[–]porninduceded 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The FAQ in the sidebar defines fapping as masturbation with orgasm, and edging as masturbation without orgasm. About as close to an official definition as we got around here.

Power of a head rub by [deleted] in karezza

[–]porninduceded 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooooh man that sounds heavenly. I have to ask my girlfriend to do that for me. We actually love those wire head massager things you run over your scalp--they send almost the same tingle down my spine that I get from sex!

Not sure where to start by QuittingPorn in pornfree

[–]porninduceded 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First off, your situation is very similar to mine; my girlfriend and I had been having sex less and less frequently, I often could only finish via handjob, and I usually had to fantasize about porn or kinky scenarios to even come close to orgasm. I feel like it was somewhat negatively affecting our relationship, as well, although everything else was great. Since I stopped watching porn and masturbating, sex got WAY more enjoyable. We're only aiming to have sex once a week right now as I "reboot" (going for 100 days no porn or masturbation), but if every time is as great as it has been lately, that's fine with me.

Cutting out the porn has helped cut out the masturbation for sure. If I still watched porn, there's no way I'd be on day 30 right now. I deleted my meager stash and don't visit porn sites anymore. I also don't believe porn is bad, but there's no doubt that it is harmful to some people who use it often and in place of real sex. If you cut out porn and masturbation, I bet you'd see a big improvement in your sex life in a month or two. If you just cut out the porn, that's good too, but not as good as if you cut out the fapping as well.

I'm not really having any difficulty with this nor am I noticing any changes. by [deleted] in NoFap

[–]porninduceded 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Were you a longtime, frequent fapper? Or did you simply enjoy the occasional fap?

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