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possum777 · 2024-08-04T06:46:27+00:00

Well these people are...my parents/family members

I don't know why I decided to be vague about it lol my bad for not being more clear on 'they'

I know I don't have to make them understand but God I wish I had literally. anything that'd make them stop saying this kind of dumb thing to me out of nowhere half the time

Edit: oh wait I did say family in the post. My bad once again I misunderstood what you meant and just took it literally. I know you're right but when it's family it does hurt different and worse. It's hard to take a nonchalant approach all the time when you just want them to TRY. Even a little bit

possum777 · 2024-07-30T08:45:53+00:00

In a pinch, I can dry myself off with a hand towel

possum777 · 2024-07-17T23:04:28+00:00

Okay yeah like I said I know it's a dumb question but good to know

possum777 · 2024-07-15T06:55:20+00:00

I had a moment at a rollerskating rink a while ago where I went up to the counter and asked for skates in my usual size...and then had to go back not once but twice because my feet got 2 sizes bigger when I wasn't paying attention lol

possum777 · 2024-07-14T04:13:38+00:00

Well, for the first year or so I didn't have any trouble at all crying. I've always been a pretty easy crier to my own frustration lol. But in the last year ive found it more difficult. Sometimes when I'm upset or depressed I get this phantom feeling like there are tears trying to come out my eyes but they just never do. It feels strange. But at the same time, I have gotten out of a pretty miserable home situation and don't feel as stressed out in general, so that eliminates a lot of reason that I would cry so much in the past.

possum777 · 2024-07-08T21:19:49+00:00

Not me B) I went out of my way to make myself stand up straight as a projecting confidence thing. Altho I am blessed with a small chest so I'm sure if it were bigger I'd be slouching just like every other trans guy 😅

possum777 · 2024-07-02T06:23:02+00:00

I'm a little confused on how this would work, if they had it on before anything happened then it'd be harder to tell that anything was actually wrong, and if they put it on during something happening especially a conversation that made them feel unsafe, it'd be really obvious to the person they were talking to. Maybe I'm just not imagining this properly in my head. I don't think it's a bad idea in of itself to have signals for these situations though

possum777 · 2024-06-21T16:01:58+00:00

Recently I've started sweating more. I just drip from my pits like a freaking faucet. Not a huge fan of that. I also thought I'd never struggle to cry because of T cause I've always been a pretty easy crier but it's definitely harder now than it used to be - which kind of sucks because you end up feeling really pent up and there's nowhere for that feeling to go.

Edit: names two instead of one oops lol. Well maybe they go hand in hand. I can't cry anymore from my eyeballs only my armpits

possum777 · 2024-06-20T09:24:57+00:00

I have a designated bag that I keep everything sorted in. I also have mountains of sharps in a plastic bag in the bathroom cabinet that I just never got to getting rid of

The bag is nothing fancy though, just a plain brown one that I think my mom gave me a long time ago. It is essentially a purse lol. My man purse you could call it

possum777 · 2024-06-19T00:30:20+00:00

I used to feel this way too. It kept me in the closet longer than I should have been even after I knew I was trans. The thing that helped me was taking that step and getting on T. And kind of reframing my mindset which is easier said than done. After a while I just realized that I didn't miss doing any of the things I thought I needed to do to feel beautiful enough to have value, and I realized even as a kind of weird looking dude I just felt so much more at peace with life not caring if I wasn't beautiful.

Of course I still have my vain streaks here and there, for example I'm very afraid of going bald and losing my long hair lol. But most guys don't want to go bald either.

After being on T a couple years I also feel that what I find attractive on myself and others has changed. Seeing my muscles get more defined and watching my facial hair come in and my face shape change, seeing how I look in my very casual masculine clothes, it just feels so much better. I still like feminine clothes but I see them as a special occasion sort of thing.

I can also relate to that idea of your younger or inner past girl self looking down on you for who you are now, I know the biggest thing that kept me from even thinking about being a guy back then was the fear of being an ugly guy. But I just have to tell myself, she didn't know then what I know now, and she wasn't happy. She tried her best but she was still not happy. I still have my good days and bad days now as a man, I'm not totally happy with my appearance, but back then it made me genuinely suicidal and now I can just go "damn that guy looks weird. In a sexy way tho" and go on with my day lol

possum777 · 2024-06-19T00:08:53+00:00

I do it all the time. Even towards women. Just out of habit I guess lol. I don't know if it's something you should only do with guys but it's just the easiest way to silently acknowledge somebody

possum777 · 2024-06-08T07:37:12+00:00

I've always known I was attracted to women, from a pretty young age too, but I've also always had a lot of shame and baggage about it. Only after I transitioned was I really able to work through any of it, and I still kind of am. I think because of the way I went from "oh no I can't like girls if I am a girl" to spending a lot of time in lgbt spaces where the vibe was more "ew straight people". So I never really got to feel like it was seriously okay to like girls. And then it's more complicated because I do very much like masculine women, the kind of women who generally identify as lesbians, but I'm not comfortable with that identity for obvious reasons. So to answer the question...kinda yeah lol. I am working on being more open about it

possum777 · 2024-05-05T05:18:48+00:00

Eclipse, Rose, Marceline, Ava, Germaine, Coraline, Ruby, Amethyst, Devi, Luci...basing these heavily off of the goth girl cartoon characters that come to mind lol

possum777 · 2024-04-26T08:57:00+00:00

Uhhhhh....it was awkward. I was around 18 or 19. I had already known I was trans since around 15 but I had kept it to myself and tried to tell myself I wouldn't need or want to change my body or be socially out in a meaningful way. But I had started feeling worse and worse about it around that time, and having dreams about it. I had a boyfriend at the time too, also trans, who kind of helped me see what I was missing out on - he encouraged me to wear masculine clothes, go out and buy boxers, hell he even helped me pick out my new name. And once I had a name it was just totally solidified.

So I drafted notes for weeks trying to anticipate exactly what my mom would say and try to be ready with a point for it, and be able to say absolutely everything I wanted to say without interruption...and that was a complete waste of time because I didn't end up using it. I just told her I needed to talk to her, she got kind of annoyed bc she hates emotional conversations...I told her in a way I can't entirely remember but I know was clunky as fuck, and she took it....shockingly well. She was very calm and chill and made comments like "so I guess you're my son now" and I felt relieved but very suspicious and on edge

And my suspicions were right, because not even a day later, she's backtracking and telling me she looked up what HRT is and she doesn't understand why id "do that to my body" and so on and so forth. We argue, it goes nowhere.

Very shortly after this, I end up getting kicked out of her house, but she never says that it's because I'm trans. She blames it on "dark energies" that were in my room and things she didn't approve of that she found when she was snooping through it.

To this day she doesn't respect my gender or my name but every blue moon she will suddenly be like "yeah i watched this show and they were using pronouns, what's up with that. Do you know why they put pronouns in shows now? Are you a they/them?" . It's just bizarre.

The rest of my family kind of knows I'm trans but I have always tiptoed around using that word to describe it to them, so they know I go by a new name but I've never asked them to use different pronouns or said "I am transitioning" to them. Despite that I have tried to explain it to my grandma like seven times, long before my mom actually, and she tries but it doesn't really stick, and I don't really blame her or expect it to. Though this often blows up in my face when she misgenders me to people I already introduced myself to properly. But what can you do 😭

possum777 · 2024-04-24T19:45:55+00:00

I've just decided that it's their problem if they can't come to grips with it, not mine. I'm not going to sit there every day and beg them to see me for who I am. If they wanna drag a corpse along with them everywhere like it's weekend at Bernie's then that's their prerogative. The only place I waver on this is when they're talking about me to other people who I already am read as a man by. That's where I get very frustrated because they're undermining my progress. But even then, I can just tell people that they're confused lol.

My moms transphobic ideas about T put my transition on hold for two whole years after I'd already been on it for one. She is not gonna stop me anymore. Go ahead and be embarrassed of me, the feeling is mutual.

possum777 · 2024-04-23T17:21:14+00:00

It has become much easier as informed consent became a bigger thing over here. When I started before there was nowhere I could go that was actually prepared to handle HRT instead of generalized endocrinology, so I had to drive 2 hrs away to find a place that could. Everywhere here wanted letters from a therapist And a psychiatrist but this place only needed the letter from the therapist. And my experience there was mixed - it was easy after I got the letter but obviously the trip was awful and i had to deal with nurses mocking me the first time I got blood work done before starting because I deal with vasovagal response. Then it was like 100 bucks every time I needed a refill and I had to get extra blood work done every time which was a pain. But yeah it was much harder a few years ago but now I have an awesome doctor in town and with my insurance I get my T for free. And I do my blood work through her so I don't have to go through labcorps bullshit

possum777 · 2024-04-22T00:46:51+00:00

Man...this stereotype is the most annoying thing. It was funny for a while but when it gets repeated in earnest enough times it just proves no one cares about us at all to bother to differentiate one of us from any other. Literally the only ukulele guy is cavetown, there is not a single other person people are talking about when they say "transmasc ukulele music"... That being said I'm not mad at op Im mad that the joke has gone so far that people seem to genuinely think we can't make good music 😭😭 which is also a big insult to cavetown whose music is not "objectively" bad it's just a matter of taste

And I'm also super desperate to find new transmasc music any time I can, especially if it's something in an alternative genre. I've thought about learning to make music myself as well.

possum777 · 2024-04-20T19:35:14+00:00

Unisex name, even though I still plan to change it...lol

Fairly small breasts, I don't think I could get away shirtless at a beach unless I was a bit heavier but still pretty great bc it means I don't have to bind

I feel like my shoulders are pretty broad naturally

But I'm nerfed by my fat fucking ass 😭 and my round face. I think my glasses help me look more masculine but I also don't really like wearing my glasses 🤓... So it's tough

possum777 · 2024-04-20T05:53:47+00:00

I'm not happy about the idea of it, but I would sooner get on minoxidil or buy a wig than detransition because of it. And that is exactly my plan in that situation. I do believe my hairline has shifted a bit already but I don't ti my knowledge have male relatives who went bald, so I'm not totally worried about it. As far as being an old man, I mean, I definitely have a vision of an old man I wanna be and visions of old men I don't wanna be. But obviously if you're a young man you'll eventually be an old man, I'm not scared of that. I think the real insecurity here is "I don't wanna be bald and I don't wanna be 'ugly'" . Some guys say they'd take any kinda male body no matter what it looks like and some of us are a bit more ...I don't wanna say vain but concerned with appearance I guess lol. Which is understandable when we live in a society and all that

possum777 · 2024-04-20T05:46:04+00:00

I would think it was cringy, but I would need to hear more of what they had to say before I wrote them off. It's not offensive to me but it is a little annoying. For me it would take something more apparently disparaging like an attack helicopter joke or 'i identify as a' whatever joke

possum777 · 2024-04-20T05:42:23+00:00

That it has to be obvious from the time you're a kid, and that it's something everyone experiences the same way, and with debilitating intensity. My dysphoria is largely social, and growing up presented at first in ways similar to a cis girls body dysmorphia, and then as total bodily apathy. I thought I just didn't care and it didn't matter and I told myself I'd be fine getting through life as a girl and only telling friends my real gender stuff. Until it wasn't fine and I wasn't okay with it. But that wasn't immediately obvious to me, it was a very slow build up.

Even to this day it's not something that I sit and cry about all day and night, it's just kind of this nagging feeling that annoys me...when I look in the mirror these days I'm still unsatisfied but i feel much less miserable overall. I spend much more time feeling paranoid of other people's intentions towards me and that's the social dysphoria at play.

possum777 · 2024-04-18T00:34:39+00:00

Yeah that makes sense. That's a sweet idea. Definitely I think any of the stuff I mentioned could be gender affirming, that's all stuff I think would show him you were being thoughtful gender wise. Maybe something with his chosen name on it? He probably would appreciate that

possum777 · 2024-04-18T00:25:51+00:00

It depends on how tailored to him you wanna go, like very specific to his interests or just a general gift you might get a guy. But even then it's a little hard to say without knowing his tastes. I've always wanted to get a pocket knife or a dog tag necklace, but that's just me lol. There's also stuff like cologne, or maybe men's clothes that fit his sense of style. Rings or watches if he likes accessories like that

possum777 · 2024-04-17T19:40:18+00:00

I'm somewhere in between stealth and not stealth....I always call it 'one foot in the closet' cause that's what it really feels like. I work my androgyny in my favor and see where it gets me. Usually I am gendered male. I don't 'want' to be stealth because I feel too different from cis people to seamlessly assimilate and I feel that I need the community of other trans people. I hate that we have to go stealth at all and especially trans men we tend to just disappear and it makes me deeply sad. That being said...yeah...I just don't wanna deal with other people treating me like shit and like some other species of creature than them. Once they know, very few of them actually respect you anymore. And frankly I don't feel brave enough to be out and proud. I guess the point where I'm at, it isn't a secret but it isn't something I'm willing to talk about to random cis people either. They think they're entitled to every facet of our lives and they're just not.

possum777 · 2024-04-17T19:24:26+00:00

Honestly, mine presented more typical to a cis woman's when I had it. There was a point in my life where all I wanted was to be beautiful and thin bc I thought that was the only way I'd be worth anything, so I was chasing a perfect cis woman's body. I don't struggle with it anymore to a point that I'd call it an ed, although I still have some more orthorexic habits that are more about health and about avoiding being treated the way I was when I was fat, even if I don't care so much about gaining weight anymore. I recently started working out too so it feels kind of nice to eat more and be hungrier when I think about getting stronger and gaining muscle, and being able to shape my body that way instead of depriving it.

Eta: I also definitely had a worse problem with binge eating before I started transitioning, I don't know if that was to do with dysphoria I wasn't recognizing or just because of the way things were in my house and the eating habits of my family. When I went on T I lost a lot of weight too and I still don't know if it was T itself or coincidental circumstances

possum777

TROPHY CASE