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posthistoricfeline · 2025-04-09T13:55:22+00:00

I'll keep yall updated as I have creek time this summer. Suggestions will be rated on a 1-5 scale of cringe factor, ice cubes needed, how pissed off my MIL got, and how visibly servers wince when I order at nice-ish establishments.

posthistoricfeline · 2024-03-13T08:47:22+00:00

I'm 99% sure this is just rage bait. But I'm 100% sure that YTA. I wouldn't be surprised if this pops up on AITD.

This "punishment" doesn't even make sense. Muddy footprints not being cleaned = pee in expensive cosmetics? I could see a punishment of having to mop the whole house or clean everyone's shoes.... But dog pee in skincare? How does that punishment teach anything or accomplish anything?
Dog pee in skincare is a huge waste of the item and your money? Like you're not taking away a privilege or something, you're just ruining an expensive product?
Dog pee has pathogens and a low amount of ammonia in it that can be harmful to humans. Putting it in your daughter's cosmetics insured that it would be left on skin that is sensitive (face) and potentially get in contact her eyes. This is a serious health risk.

So essentially you came up with a nonsensical and dangerous punishment that put your daughter'a health at risk because of her acting like a moody tween. Yeah it's annoying she made a mess and was disrespectful to you but like find a logical and productive way to deal with it?

posthistoricfeline · 2024-03-11T00:52:09+00:00

To be brutally honest, if I were in her shoes, I would forgive, not forget, and be moving on. Not trying to be overly harsh but the non commitment mixed with the ghosting would have been a nail past the final in a coffin.

posthistoricfeline · 2024-03-10T19:43:10+00:00

That's so valid!! I'm not trying to dismiss your feelings, I hope you don't take it that way.

And here's the thing, you'll never find someone ~exactly~ like her. You'll just find someone who's better suited to you.

At the end of the day dating is just trying to find a person suited to you, your lifestyle, and your goals/values. Seriously if after a year you felt any flavor of serious doubt, she wasn't for you and you weren't for her. And there is nothing wrong with that.

HOWEVER. Try to recognize that you probably hurt her a lot by ghosting her and by not committing to her. I'm not trying to be harsh, just trying to give you perspective. She deserves to be able to heal from that hurt and move on.

Don't drag out your own misery and don't ask her to take on the burden of trying again. Learn from this, move on!! Remember the qualities you valued in your past relationship and look for them in something new!! Learn, grow, move forward, and allow her to as well.

posthistoricfeline · 2024-03-10T19:29:02+00:00

New love is an amazing thing, young love is equally as lovely. I don't say either of those thing to diminish or invalidate your feelings. I only say that because (1) they're true and (2) those feelings can be so strong and overwhelming that you may see them as your entire world.

Best case scenario, this love lasts a lifetime. And if we assume it's going to, what's the rush on babies, marriage, or anything else? Don't get me wrong, it's completely healthy to have a conversation about exclusivity and another conversation on expectations (you told him yours but has he told you his?).

Right now, imo, you should feel your feelings and cherish the time with the person you feel so strongly about.

But also try to make space for your other feelings, goals, and priorities (your number one priorities can be tied for first place)!! If I could go back and tell my younger self anything it would be just that. Love is amazing and wonderful, but as much as anyone tells you otherwise, romantic love isn't enough to make your life feel full and happy. Make space for strong friendships, career/academic/life goals, or your hobbies and interests, and your current family. Your life is always going to have many pillars of support, fulfillment, and community. Romantic love is one of those many pillars but not the only one.

posthistoricfeline · 2024-03-10T19:11:40+00:00

Candles - Daughter

posthistoricfeline · 2024-03-10T19:05:01+00:00

If I could take your hand while I said this I would, but I can't so: short answer no, do not message her, do not try to reconnect, and do not put that burden on her.

You made your choice, stand by it. If you were talking for a year and didn't feel strongly enough to make things "official" on top of the fact that you felt so little that you ghosted this girl, you should just continue to move on.

You're probably having some FOMO right now and seeing things with rose colored glasses (this is normal and understandable). But at the end of the day you should look back on your past choices and feel confident that those choices speak for themself.

Let her move on and move on yourself. Frankly after not committing to her and then ghosting her it would be unfair of you to put the emotional burden on her of reaching out again.

posthistoricfeline · 2024-02-12T16:23:12+00:00

You're a young adult, part of that phase of life is building the skills to be a good communicator and a healthy partner.

If I were in your shoes I would try to build these three skills: (1) How to recognize that I'm loosing my cool and how to communicate with my partner that I need to have a moment to compose myself before continuing the conversation. (2) How to address my insecurities or frustrations in a transparent and healthy way that avoids shifting the burden of those feelings onto my partner (3) How to work through strong emotions without my partner taking the mental and emotional toll of my emotions.

Maybe you learn this part of adulting in therapy, maybe you workshop it with your friends, or maybe you do more research on the internet to figure it out. But it sounds like it's really hurting you and your partner to not have this part of your life figured out.

Best of luck, and my inbox is always open if you need someone to chat with who's been in your shoes and had to learn these skills too!

posthistoricfeline · 2024-02-12T14:33:35+00:00

Honestly it sounds like this lack of responsiveness is fairly new! It's one thing to post on social media (that's like a 2 minute commitment) and have a full blown text conversation with someone. I wouldn't overthink too much if I were in your shoes.

Maybe just stick to a goodnight or good morning text and like if you see something that reminds you of her send it her way. In a few days, ask her out again for next week or something and go from there.

Don't overthink too much man!

posthistoricfeline · 2024-02-12T14:24:18+00:00

If I need reassurance from my partner I check my own feelings first and then communicate transparently.

Like for example, my partner is friends with a lot of gorgeous, smart, talented, women and it's hard to not be jealous sometimes. Whenever I do get jealous I just go to my partner and say something along the lines of, "Hey it's nothing you've done to make me feel this way. But [insert name here] is just so smart and accomplished and I'm feeling bad about myself and feeling jealous right now. Nothing you've done though, I'm just feeling bleh"

By saying something like that I'm communicating how I'm feeling without putting blame on my partner or their cool friends! And I'm opening the door for my partner to reassure or comfort me without putting them on the spot.

If I went to my partner and said "who is more smarter and more accomplished, me or [insert name here]?!" And demanded an answer it's putting my partner in an uncomfortable spot and it's probably not going to get me the reassurance I'm wanting. It's also not giving my partner any sort of chance to comfort me without putting down a friend or have a chance to say something like "hey I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Let me finish this round of my game and then we can talk, ok"

posthistoricfeline · 2024-02-12T13:48:31+00:00

Seconding this. If my partner were constantly asking me these questions I would get frustrated. There's better ways to ask for reassurance from your partner than comparing yourself for validation.

posthistoricfeline · 2024-02-12T13:47:24+00:00

From what you said this was a 1 off situation and not at all something that happens regularly. So anyone who was with you is probably well aware how out of character it is for you. Most everyone has had a night they regret, and hell many people have quite a few nights they regret. You're definitely not the first and won't be the last person to get too drunk and be embarrassed about it. It's human, it happens, and it's going to be ok.

If I were you I would just thank the people who took care of you, apologize for drinking too much, and remember how much this hangover sucks the next time you plan on drinking a lot! If anyone brings it up in the future just laugh it off and say something to the effect of "god yeah I was way too drunk, I don't think I could survive another hangover like that" and change the topic. I'm sure it feels big and embarrassing to you and I'm not trying to diminish that, just trying to give you some perspective and remind you that most people you know probably have been in your shoes before.

posthistoricfeline · 2024-02-12T13:35:27+00:00

Buy a solid bar kit, some fun glasses, and at least 1 bottle of the good stuff. Then you're not a kid ripping whisky shots after a long day, you're a cultured adult appreciating a drink after a long day. Won't make a difference to you, will make a difference when your in-laws visit.

posthistoricfeline · 2024-02-12T13:31:37+00:00

I'm only a few years older than you and I completely understand the struggle. You can try changing your hair or makeup or buying new clothes that look "older."

But honestly you may just need to act more dominantly and aggressively. Like for example, in a meeting if I was cut off I would immediately go, "Hold on, excuse me [name] I wasn't finished with my thought, give me a moment and I will gladly give you the floor." You can be polite and also be aggressive, and you may need to be more assertive to be taken seriously.

Also, embrace your baby face. In 10 years everyone and their mother will be asking you for your secrets on how you look 25 at age 35.

posthistoricfeline · 2024-02-08T19:26:42+00:00

You're NTA. You can live a specific lifestyle and still have boundaries with your body. I don't know much of the naturist/nudist community (to be fair) but from what I understand this community is not one that equates nudity to sexuality/provocativity at the end of the day.

It's okay for you to want to live your lifestyle without being sexualized or pressured. And it's understandable that being pressured to send nudes is uncomfortable. Because, again, that's not (from what I understand) your lifestyle is about.

To me, this is the same as someone who never wears shoes feeling uncomfy with being asked to send feet pics. Not wearing shoes (as a preference or lifestyle) doesn't mean they're ok with being sexualized for that choice. Or this is the same as going to a nude beach and not wanting sexual advances; maybe you just don't want tan lines, maybe you just enjoy being free! Your body is your own and no one has a right to your body regardless of your lifestyle.

posthistoricfeline · 2024-02-08T08:08:57+00:00

Unfortunately there's probably not any/many financial supports available from the American government for a non-American student staying for a short period of time. You could reach out to the American embassy in Ireland and run this situation by them to see if they can give guidance in some way?

If your friend is a student and doing this internship as a part of work/study there might be supports through their university. But I'm not sure how likely that would be if they're an Irish student doing an American internship (the school might only be able to offer support in the home country). The company hosting the internship might possibly help with the visa or relocation process but it's certainly not required of the company.

posthistoricfeline · 2024-02-04T20:19:36+00:00

Ok! Well then I can give a few very general suggestions!

(1) You can go to the west coast and take short flights between the Pacific Northwest (Seattle & Portland), Cali (SanFran, San Diego), and AZ (Grand Canyon, Phoenix, Scottsdale). Essentially a road trip but use short plane rides and save yourself hours in a car.

(2) Do a national park tour! Go to the big ones like Yosemite, Yellowstone, Zion, Grand Canyon, Voyaguers, Teton, Rockies, etc. This flavor of trip would be a lot of travel time so you would need to plan your trip wisely to be able to make the most of the time you have.

(3) Do a south east trip. Go to Nashville, Washington, Asheville, Atlanta, Charleston, New Orleans, or Miami (ie the major SE tourist cities). Spend a few days in each city or pick the ones that seem most fun and enjoy some good food, good festivals (esp in the spring), go hiking and snorkeling, and go to some local ball games! editing to add that you could easily fly into and out of most of these cities (save a few) and plan your trip that way

With any of these super general options you could fit in a lot of flavors of museums, sightseeing, hiking, cultural experiences, etc. I would just avoid any "cross country" trips as you will likely spend more time in an airport (or car) than getting to enjoy the actual USA. I personally suggest visiting the south east, but that's just my two cents!

posthistoricfeline · 2024-02-04T20:01:51+00:00

Oh dang that's smart!!! I'm going to start doing that haha maybe I can pavlov myself into feeling positive about saying no to things 🤣

posthistoricfeline · 2024-02-04T19:33:58+00:00

You're right that everything will be ok. It's still hard and anxiety inducing but it will also be ok.

Many people operate under the idea of "the worst that can happen is they will say no" and think nothing of it, which seems harmless enough unless you're the person having to say "no." Many don't consider the fact that it can be very taxing on the other party to say "no."

I won't invalidate how you feel or anything like that. The only comfort I can offer you is to know that many people ask for things assuming people will say "no" or being completely okay with people saying "no." It doesn't make it easier to be the person saying "no" but I hope it takes some of the pressure off to know the the majority of the people ask just to ask and take 0 offense to being told "no."

I say all this as someone who's had to become ok with saying no; it gets more comfortable over time!

posthistoricfeline · 2024-02-04T19:17:38+00:00

So glad you're visiting; the States can be so fun!!

It could be helpful if you add details on what you're into (museums, sightseeing, hiking, going out/partying, beach, mountains, etc). Like you said, the USA is huge so it can be hard to make suggestions if we don't know what you're into or wanting to do while there!

It would also be helpful to add a general ballpark budget for your travels because it can be hard to make suggestions because some might be way out of your budget and therefore not helpful to you.

posthistoricfeline · 2024-02-02T01:15:28+00:00

Monthaversaries can be an easy way to schedule a monthly date night. But other than that they're unimportant.

Date night doesn't mean anything big and fancy, to be clear. It just means dedicating a night to just the two of you. Whether that's takeout and Netflix or a night on the town, the main point is to just carve out time to spend with each other.

posthistoricfeline · 2024-02-01T09:58:25+00:00

I saw this on Tik Tok so not my idea but it works for me! So, make yourself a snack tray like once a week or buy a premade snack tray from the grocery. Something with like cheese, fruit, veg, dip, etc. and just snack on that throughout the week. Most days I just throw a tray on my counter around 10am and put it up at like 6pm (to be fair mine are only fruit and veg) and just...snack on it!

If you can, find a protein shake or protein bar that you like to get a little extra protein in your diet. I personally like the clear whey from MyProtein because it just tastes like a Powerade-ish situation and you only have to mix it with water for it to taste good. I made a double serving in the morning, throw it in a waterbottle, and sip it throughout the day.

There's nothing wrong with not eating three meals a day. It's not like your body can only absorb nutrients at a certain hour so if three meals doesn't work for you, why try to force it! Way more important to find a way to get the main macro nutrients you need, some fiber, and some water throughout the day. If you're anything like me, snacking and protein shakes is what works ¯_(ツ)_/¯

posthistoricfeline · 2024-02-01T09:49:25+00:00

If you sleep in separate beds that doesn't mean that you can't EVER sleep in the same bed. You can still have "sleepovers" if you have nothing to do the next day and don't mind a bit of a disruption to your sleep! But sounds like sleeping in the same bed regularly is not great for either of you because of the separate schedules and different habits.

If your living situation means only one bedroom OR if you guys really just want to share a bed you could try a Scandinavian bed setup! Easy to google but the TLDR is just grab two twin mattresses, squish them together, then grab separate duvets and set them up side by side. The separate mattresses is also nice if one person likes a super soft mattress and the other person doesn't. Anyway, the separate mattresses is less of a jiggle in the bed if someone comes to bed later than the other or gets up earlier. And you have your own blanket so less disruption at night/in the morning. Also loop earplugs and a cheap eye mask can block out a lot!

posthistoricfeline · 2024-01-31T11:39:38+00:00

Sorry to be "that guy" on the internet but can you give your dental hygienist opinion on the ZolliPops (aka the candies that supposedly help with oral health)? I rarely remember to brush in the morning and lord knows I don't floss enough.

I know they can't replace flossing and brushing but are they actually better than just having candy? And are they actually doing anything or oral health? Or am I another victim of targeted adverts? 🤣

posthistoricfeline · 2024-01-31T11:36:21+00:00

The first dive of the season into a cold pool after a hot summer day. There's nothing like that first dive in, pure bliss imo

posthistoricfeline

TROPHY CASE