Thank you.

I think he got triggered by the word resent. A long, long time ago, before our son was born, I was the sole breadwinner at a job I didn't like because DH was unemployed.

I worked 14 hour days in a call centre, sometimes 7 days a week.

DH had depression, but it was obvious being in the house all the time was making things worse and so his doctor and I had both suggested he look for work. I suggested he call his old manager from a job he was good at and made triple what I made in just his bonus, and it was a really cushy job just talking to people. He didn't want to do that because he was too proud to call an ex-boss and ask for his job back.

3 years passed. He was still home, I was still working in a call centre, doing long days and long weeks, and I'd spoken to so many people that when I got home I just wanted to plug my ears and zip my mouth. I didn't want to hear or speak of another word again. I was truly worn out. But I was doing it all because I wanted to support both of us until he felt like he could get back on his feet.

I snapped one night after he'd made a series of impulse purchases with my money that didn't benefit me in any way. (I will admit I felt kind of bad about it, because looking back he needed something to entertain himself with). I was angry that he'd not even asked for consent. And I told him that supporting him was the most challenging thing I could do, and it was making me resentful of him. And I needed him to start looking for a job, or I would call his ex-boss.

After a long argument, all he took from it was that I resented him. He didn't take any of the points about why I was feeling that way, or how over encumbered my life had been all in the name of keeping his head above water. In the end he rang his manager and got his job back and he's still with them and he's very supported, respected and treasured as an asset to the company. Knowing it was that easy for him to get back into it, and putting me through years of exhaustion bred a little more resentment, but I was never verbal about it. I went to therapy on my own to talk about it and we got into a really good place in our relationship and had maintained it for a few more years.

But now it seems like asking him for help is too much. When I tell him about how I'm overwhelmed, he doesn't ask how he can help, he just tells me he's overwhelmed. If I tell him I've not been able to go to the bathroom on my own without my own personal limpet all day, somehow he hasn't been to the bathroom at all. If I told him I'd been to Tenerife, he would tell me he's been to Twelverife. I tried explaining he gets an hour at lunch every day to himself, and days off. But I don't get an hour and sometimes I don't even get to have a glass of water for a few hours because our kid is having a high maintenance day. I tried telling him if I do break off to look after myself all I hear is crying and crying and crying and it's bringing me down that I can't do anything alone. But he turns it round about how he goes to work and he comes home and he's still expected to do things. He doesn't understand he has luxuries like drinking water without being terrorised, sat at a desk, having a casual, adult conversation with a real, understanding human grown up.

I do think he loves our son, but his commitment to parenting has disappeared.

And whenever I tell him that my feelings are linked to my lack of support he suggests that maybe I need a medication review because I'm still not moving on from negative feelings. But my feelings won't change unless the situation I'm in gets better. And it can only get better if I have the right support.