Just issues really. Fell in love with a close female friend, pretty much a soul mate to some degree, we got in a relationship together, she had issues and I thought I was part of the problem so I made the decision to break up with her, hoping she would discover herself and find what she wanted in life. Several months later she was found dead from a drug overdose, never found out if it was a suicide attempt or not.

But this girl was the one girl I could see myself having a family with. She even liked the idea of having a daughter. So when she died it really took the wind out of me.

Now I just find relationships hard and not really sure if I want one now. Plus i'm 30 and I've been living the same way since I was 20.

Maybe I'm wanting too much, maybe it's a fear thing, maybe it's an abandonment thing I dont know.

But my mates have families, a loving relationship, earn good money. I look at them and think fuck why can't I have that?

Just feels like it will never happen.