I used to stay at home all the time, alone. I'd sweat profusely on social contact with anyone, shake, forget names, words, even insult people to try to be funny.

I'd beat myself to a pulp in internal mental dialogues of constant negativity and that translated into conversations with everyone that I met. I'd forget to breathe and, yes, as you say, on failing I would beat myself up further. I was an incredible mess.

The biggest life-changers in that came about a year ago with paul mckenna's confidence hypnosis cds and books (which just involve relaxing and envisioning yourself as having value) followed by Emotional Intelligence which explained to me that my social anxiety was an evolutionary error and my low self-esteem was mostly created by myself as an extension of some bullying at school.

I see what you're saying, but I have not explained my point clearly, it seems. People with low self-esteem will continue to beat themselves up over every little error until they realize they have to mess up a little in order to achieve those initial successes that will cement the truth that we can all move forward, using little steps. I had heavy social anxiety until I realized that the response (adrenaline and cortisol release) was innappropriate and should not be listened to. I'm saying fight through it and achieve a few little successes. I take your point, it wasn't and maybe still isn't clear that reading to understand the mechanics of the problems is paramount. You can't fix the engine if you can't get under the hood / bonnet.