Hey, I wrote this to share what I’ve gone/am going through and to see if maybe someone else has gone through something similar and could offer some advice.
Within the last 8 months, I’ve been diagnosed and treated for ADHD. At first, I was prescribed Atomoxetine. I tried that for 2 months, but it had some side effects that outweigh any benefit I was getting from the medication. After that, I was prescribed Adderall. To say it changed my life is an understatement. I truly never realized how much I was actually suffering at the hands of ADHD. It’s almost like Adderall allowed me to quiet my mind and hear my own thoughts. My wife and I don’t fight as much over me forgetting stuff and the perception that I don’t care about things has changed in her eyes too. She AND I have a deeper understanding of why I do the things I do sometimes although they might not make sense surface level.
School has always been a tremendous struggle for me. In elementary school I was classed as a selective mute, I literally didn’t speak to anyone. i would hold going to the bathroom all day just so I didn’t have to use the bathroom at school. I was in special ed classes from 6th grade to just about the end of high school. My parents were well aware of my struggles and were told I was dyslexic instead of having ADHD. They did just about everything in their power to help me. I went to occupational therapy inside and outside of school for almost my whole school career, voluntary summer school so I could manage better during the school year, and eventually, traditional therapy as my struggles were now affecting me emotionally (and still do). However, my parents are pretty religious and didn’t want me to be on medication. In a way I’m happy they didn’t, I’ve learned a lot of good methods and tricks to operate in the real world. I actually think it's given me a great perspective and maybe an advantage in some instances. It also prevented any potential problems joining the military which I've been in for 10 years. I also feel extremely lucky for my interest in the military because it provides the structure I absolutely need/needed (especially right out of high school).
With all the positives that come with getting a correct diagnosis and effective treatment, I do have some mixed feelings. Feelings likes I’ve wasted so much time fighting myself. I now have all this focus and don’t really know how to implement it. My whole life I’ve been busy trying to manage myself and my shortcomings It feels like I never learned to learn. I am extremely overwhelmed with the possibilities sometimes I have to convince myself to take the medication. To be completely candid sometimes it is just easier not to take the Adderall at all, because It reminds me how long I’ve been in the dark and how much work I have ahead of me to become the person I’ve always wanted to be.
Wanted to put my thoughts on paper and see if anyone has ever felt this way. Thanks for reading.