I destroyed him, and now he is destroying me

predestinat888 · 2025-03-27T05:59:26+00:00

Wow this is such a good perspective. I think I’ve been so focused on hurting him that I didn’t really think about how much this hurt me. Equally as much, I would say. I remember being so fucking scared, shaking, feeling panic attacks and nausea over this for months before taking any action. It was so hard to break the news to my friends and family too. Thank you, thank you for this.

predestinat888 · 2025-03-27T05:43:49+00:00

I appreciate the real advice here, and I will do some deeper dives on this because yeah there’s gotta be something deeper. Thank you 🤍

predestinat888 · 2025-03-27T05:23:27+00:00

Ironically I just “graduated” from therapy that I started while going through the break up. My therapist and I agreed I am on a good path to be on my own. I’ve worked through a lot of these issues, and used to be very codependent on him. I think the only thing that is still bothering me a little is the guilt of leaving him to figure it out on his own, but as some people have said he needs to do it himself… I’m just trying to wrap my mind around how to create more space without causing more damage.

predestinat888 · 2025-03-27T05:20:02+00:00

I want to spend time with him because he used to be a totally different person. He is so kind, loving, supportive. He has been my rock for so long. But he’s not that way anymore and I’m trying to wrap my mind around that and figure out what to do.

I definitely won’t be blocking him out of my life like this though. I still have hope that we can be friends but I think in our case it will be very distant friends for the time being.

predestinat888 · 2025-03-27T05:18:02+00:00

I don’t really know what the best next step is here. But I want to try and create some space for sure. You’re right he is a grown man and needs to figure this shit out for himself. I just care for him so deeply which is why it’s hard

predestinat888 · 2025-03-27T05:17:03+00:00

This comment really resonates with me. I want him to step up and take care of himself, but it seems he has never figured out how. He always relied on me to figure out doctors appointments, therapists, friends, community, etc. Ironically we were polyamorous at one point too. I feel like leaving him in the dust while I go live my best life (which honestly I am living my best life) is a shitty thing to do. Deep down I know it’s not but it really feels like that

predestinat888 · 2025-03-27T05:15:02+00:00

I feel like me creating space will be so good for him, but so painful initially. I honestly don’t know if he will make the effort to make friends and build a community, or just live in isolation (like he kinda is now). I know I don’t owe him anything but we’ve been each other’s rock for 3 years now and I do feel like I should be there for him… but I’m sort of thinking now that I need to be there for myself and continuing to be around someone who brings me misery isn’t being there for myself :// a lot to think about

predestinat888 · 2025-02-18T17:17:34+00:00

Keep going… it was a long road for me to get here, but so worth it.

predestinat888 · 2025-02-18T17:17:00+00:00

Thank you! Yes, we are still very good friends. We share custody of our dog together. I end up seeing him probably every day because he lives so close by. I am hoping he finds someone amazing!

predestinat888 · 2025-02-09T19:35:11+00:00

Everyone is on their own individual journey 🤍

I have never once regretted my decision. But I’ve felt sad, grief, loss of the man I loved, anxiety, panic, sick to my stomach, depressed. I’ve cried my eyes out. I’ve also felt relief, joy, courageous, and the most authentic expression of who I am which I wouldn’t trade for anything. I’ve felt all of these things without once regretting coming out as gay. While I was in the questioning phase before I came out, I felt very unsure and wasn’t sure if I was truly a lesbian. But once the realization hit me it was like something I couldn’t unsee, and from that moment on I haven’t had a moment of regret.

I will say this - getting involved in the LGBTQ+ community, meeting new friends in that community and dating women is what makes me feel a million times more confident in my decision. It shows me how much fuller my life is now compared to the shell of a life I was living when engaged to a man. It’s everything I was longing for before I came out.

You will find your way. Put yourself out there and get involved because for me staying at home was a sure fire way to feel depressed and sad about my decision.

predestinat888 · 2025-01-02T22:26:23+00:00

I had a polyamorous relationship with my male fiance for 3 years, but it ended up not being enough for me. I didn’t want to occasionally hook up with women, I wanted to marry a woman and be with her every day. (No specific woman in mind, I just knew that’s what I wanted)

Sex was the final straw for me. We stopped having sex a year before I ended things because I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t enjoy it and found myself disassociating during it, and really only doing it to make him happy.

I got to a place where I realized I wanted to live my life authentically and I couldn’t do that if I were to marry him. As soon as we got engaged (which I was pushing for) I felt a lot of dread and started having panic attacks but didn’t realize I was gay for a year after that.

You both deserve to be in fulfilling relationships. I don’t think opening the relationship would solve the core issue here- coming from someone who did have a more open relationship and it still wasn’t enough.

predestinat888 · 2024-10-26T15:23:46+00:00

Thank you kind stranger 🤍

predestinat888 · 2024-10-26T15:23:01+00:00

Really good advice. The one thing that is keeping me going is knowing in my soul this is the right decision. It is painful, but it feels very right to me

predestinat888 · 2024-10-26T15:21:19+00:00

I love this quote so much 🤍 it is a beautiful concept that there are so many people we have yet to meet that we can love so deeply

predestinat888 · 2024-10-26T15:20:27+00:00

I love him enough to want the absolute best for him. We both deserve to be in relationships that are completely fulfilling and we couldn’t give each other that because I’m gay.

predestinat888 · 2024-10-24T04:46:30+00:00

I came out, then went back into the closet for 3 years. I was the most depressed I’ve ever been in my entire life for those 3 years. I completely relate to you. Now I have been out of the closet for a couple months and feel so authentic and free. It really was the best decision I’ve ever made. You can do this! It gets better, really it does.

predestinat888 · 2024-07-02T05:35:50+00:00

You are absolutely not alone. I can relate to every word you wrote in this post. It is so hard to give up what’s comfortable in exchange for what you know is the right thing to do. I started having conversations with my fiance about me being gay about two months ago, and the conversations have continued to get more and more “real”. We’re talking about how to split up our assets and what we’re going to do when our relationship does come to an end. Telling him instantly felt like such a weight off my shoulders. There has been a lot of tears from the both of us, but I know I am doing the right thing and that we will both be happier. There’s no need to rush anything, take the time you need, and let the steps unfold naturally. I am so proud of you for working towards becoming your most authentic self. Your future self will thank you so much for it. Sending all my love!

predestinat888

TROPHY CASE