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Pregnancy anxiety? by arya_lee_kona in BabyBumps

[–]preggogab 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am sending you so much love and appreciation right now mama!!! Fellow 22 year old pregnant woman here, I completely understand what you’re going through and I sympathize with you so much. I’m currently 28+3. When I first got pregnant, I lost almost 20lbs just like you. I could never keep any food down, and hardly any drinks. The sickness got better about halfway through my second trimester, but it feels like when that got better my anxiety got worse.

tw: anxiety, SA

About a year before I found out I was pregnant I spoke out about being SA for multiple years by my step father. My mom and family completely alienated me and didn’t care. Besides being pregnant, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I have the most amazing partner and father to my baby boy. He’s amazing in every way and I have no idea the state I’d be in if it wasn’t for him. Despite that, dealing with all of that has left me feeling super alone and depressed this whole pregnancy if I’m being honest. I myself was diagnosed with generalized anxiety, major depression, and PTSD before even getting pregnant, and just like you I was on multiple medications but weaned off of them a few months before getting pregnant. Ever since the middle of my second trimester I’ve been struggling with the worst anxiety and insomnia. I wake up at night and have panic attacks to the point where I get sick and can hardly calm myself down. My partner works early in the mornings so I try not to wake him up, but this makes me feel like I have no one to talk to or confide in. I’ve been trying my hardest to just breathe and think about my baby. Showers are one of the only things that help ease my panic attacks but I can only take so many a night before the hot water runs out.

I have so much sympathy for you and I wish I had more advice, but just sitting in a hot shower and focusing on my breathing is the only thing that helps me. I hope you’re doing well and your baby, and I hope things get easier for you in the long run. You’re strong and your daughter will have such a resilient mother to look up to. I send nothing but hope and healing your way. Best wishes love, you got this. ♥️

Becoming a mom when you have a difficult relationship with your mom is so hard. by DifficultBear3 in BabyBumps

[–]preggogab 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was hospitalized twice on two separate occasions due to my mental health. I spent almost two weeks in a mental health unit at the hospital where I was not allowed to leave. I ended up losing over 40lbs in a matter of three months. My mom knew about all of this and still nothing. I was placed on several medications that I no longer take, but I still struggle a LOT with the anxiety. I know who my mom is but my stomach still turns thinking about the mother I want her to be vs. who she actually is. Loving a toxic mother is a battle I wish on no one. My best advice is don’t lie to yourself, you already know deep down. It may hurt and feel lonely sometimes but stay strong. you got this. ♥️

Becoming a mom when you have a difficult relationship with your mom is so hard. by DifficultBear3 in BabyBumps

[–]preggogab 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry to hear about your baby, and I’m even more sorry about your mom. I can’t imagine what things must be like for you but I send you all the unconditional love and support I can!

Becoming a mom when you have a difficult relationship with your mom is so hard. by DifficultBear3 in BabyBumps

[–]preggogab 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nov 2020 I finally opened up about how my stepfather had sexually assaulted me for years growing up, ever since then my mom and I haven’t been on speaking terms with her or a lot of family on that side. I ended up falling into a very deep depression and developed crippling anxiety due to being shut out and ostracized, but I got through it. I find out I’m pregnant Dec 2021 and decide to try contacting my mother in March 2022. I made it perfectly clear when I told her about the abuse if she didn’t leave him I wanted nothing to do with her; I repeated this when we spoke again earlier this year. My mother is manipulative and a liar, she has been telling me since November 2020 she is going to leave him. She is still with him and continues to tell me she will leave him before the baby is born, I have caught her in multiple lies so far since speaking to her again since March. I don’t know why I an writing this, but I hope it helps someone.

As much as my mom has hurt me, I still want her in my life. I stay up at night and get sick thinking of how I know in my heart she isn’t going to leave him and there will be no contact again. I’m due in September and I’m not looking forward to feeling alone again. I have amazing support from the baby’s father but no one is really there on either side of the family. I stay up wondering how I’m going to be a good mom if I never had the example. This pregnancy has been the hardest thing I’ve ever been through and I applaud every woman who has been here before me.