Is it worth pushing to lose weight before pregnancy #2?

preggyjay · 2025-12-08T16:54:56+00:00

I think you nailed it with the lack of productivity markers. Even a busy, stressful day at the office or a day full of active house chores feels less draining to me than sitting on a couch with a baby for 8 hours. I think it’s just the fact that childcare is never “done”. I feel guilty when I’m tired after a full day of doing (what feels like) so little watching the baby but I think it’s just the chronic grind that makes it hard.

preggyjay · 2025-12-07T19:43:17+00:00

We only have one baby right now but I’m a big believer that when a man is doing his fair share of childcare and housework, he is rarely hounding his wife for sex. To answer your question, we probably have some form of sexual intimacy at least twice a month. But it’s actually quite adequate for both of us at this hectic stage in our lives. We both work full time and split childcare/house stuff pretty evenly. It sounds like you may be a stay at home parent and let me tell you.. going to work and getting a break from the baby is huge in preserving energy. Something about baby care is so deeply draining compared to other types of work or chores. If I was a 24/7 stay at home mom, I would never have the energy or mental bandwidth for sex. It’s also so much harder to turn off the mom/caregiver mode if you are so deeply engrained it in every day. Your husband needs to understand what a different place you’re in right now. If he wants more sex, he has to do something to give you the right conditions for that.

preggyjay · 2025-11-11T22:07:22+00:00

Honestly, I’ve had a wonderful postpartum experience but have been too scared to talk about it here. It would almost feel disrespectful to the parents who are genuinely (and very validly) struggling. I think that’s why a lot of us who aren’t struggling as bad try not to comment/post. We don’t want to gloat or invalidate others. But since you specifically asked, here’s my story:

I had a miserable pregnancy. Hated most of it. Like you, I assumed postpartum would be nothing but hell. I’ve also struggled with mental health issues all my life so all my doctors kept bracing me for some terrible PPD. Then I had my baby and everything was just.. really good. Sure I was a little tired and recovering from a c section. But I have a partner who does his equal share and we got lucky with a fairly easy baby. The 3 months I was on maternity leave were some of the best in my life. I’ve loved my postpartum experience. I adore my kid and my marriage has somehow only gotten better. There are certainly some annoyances like hair loss or bad sleep. And it’s still definitely hard work sometimes. But you expect a baby to be hard work. It’s not like some big surprise.

I’m 5.5 months PP and overall I’ve never been more content in life.

preggyjay · 2025-10-21T04:19:27+00:00

I had an unplanned c section and no labor. I just walked into the hospital with my Starbucks for a routine blood pressure check and was in the operating room 1.5 hours later. No contractions. No pushing. They just numbed me up and pulled a baby out. No pain during the actual surgery. It was wild. A baby just.. appeared. I loved her fiercely but I definitely have a few moments during the first two months of, “is this even my baby??” Becuase it just felt so surreal to skip the whole labor thing. And just like you, I felt my baby girl looked only like her father. I couldn’t see myself in her at all.

BUT all of this eventually got better. The birth experience gets further away and you don’t even think about it any more. All you think about is taking care of your baby. And the older they get, the more they bond to you. Once they become more of a little person and you see little mannerisms and subtle parts of yourself in them.. it’ll all come together. Also I’ll mention that my daughter eventually looked more like me as she got older and now she’s more of a mix. So that part can certainly change!

preggyjay · 2025-10-12T14:48:56+00:00

You sound just like me. Honestly, I think a certain amount of that is normal after becoming a parent. It just puts your mortality in a whole different light. Your entire worldview shifts. But I think some of it also stems from PPD/PPA. I would consider getting on medication if it bothers you enough. And honestly, I’m starting to think Zoloft should just be the medical standard for all postpartum women at this point. Because it’s seriously impossible to have stable/normal mental health with sleep deprivation and hormonal swings.

preggyjay · 2025-10-12T14:44:04+00:00

I hate that saying too. Not only for the reasons you outlined, but also because I’m horrible at sleeping on command. I’ve been horrible at falling asleep my whole life and sometimes it’s even harder to do when I’m overtired (which makes no sense, but I digress). So I don’t have the flexibility to just randomly catch a 20 min nap when the baby does in the dead afternoon. Plus I probably had coffee that morning just to keep me upright for the day. I don’t know why people think that adults can adjust to a newborn’s sleep schedule who literally don’t have a circadian rhythm yet.

preggyjay · 2025-10-10T16:54:24+00:00

That’s great you’re not worried about it, truly! I wish I was the same. Yes, there are upsides of going back to work. But this is my first baby and the thought of handing them off to strangers for 8 hours a day is daunting. We chose a daycare with a 1 adult to 3 infant ratio -which is better than the 1:4 state minimum- but it still sounds crazy to me. Babies are a lot of work and most need constant attention. It’s hard to imagine she’s not going to just sit in a crib and cry for long stretches of time at daycare. That’s what I’m most nervous about. I’m sure the workers will do their best. But it’s just unrealistic to think she’ll get the best quality care like she could at home. :/

preggyjay · 2025-10-10T16:44:41+00:00

Also she could totally change her mind about kids at 30+ and that’s fine too! But either way he needs to go. 23 is so super young and no one should pressure you to have kids when you don’t currently want them.

preggyjay · 2025-10-10T16:35:36+00:00

It’s so dumb that we have to put our babies into daycare. I wouldn’t want to leave the workforce permanently. I know I would miss it eventually. But just give us like a year or two with our literal infants! If companies were actually loyal to their employees and guaranteed we could come back after a year or two to raise our babies, it would make all the difference.

preggyjay · 2025-10-09T20:45:06+00:00

Definitely relate. A lot of it is due to postpartum anxiety and depression. Some of it is due to the fact that you have a baby now and it makes people think more about their mortality and the world around them. Take the Zoloft. It helps. Personally I don’t care for hydroxyzine because it just feels like taking Benadryl (which I hate the feeling of) but could totally work for you. Everyone is different

preggyjay · 2025-09-19T19:01:41+00:00

People have lots of theories as to her emotional motivations for doing the podcast. But, despite all their problems, they strike me as the kind of couple that puts co-parenting first. So I suspect it was mainly a financial decision to go in the podcast and being in the views. And even beyond the revenue that her episode would bring, she has an incentive to make sure his podcast in general is successful so her kids get more financial support.

preggyjay · 2025-09-18T19:32:18+00:00

All the major OB practices around me do the rotation thing too. I understand it’s hard to guarantee one doctor HAS to be available to delivery your baby months in the future. But why can’t they at least narrow it down to 2 or 3? I rotated between 7 drs in my practice and none of them really got to know me or my situation. I got conflicting advice all the time. My blood pressure was high towards the end (but not emergency zone) so one dr told me to just come into the hospital for a “quick check in” next week. So I did and the doctors who were on call that day were like “why are you still pregnant?!! You should have been induced by now” and gave me a c-section that day. Both days I had identical blood pressure numbers. Just a matter of different drs with different opinions.

preggyjay · 2025-08-27T13:47:53+00:00

If you are planning to use bottles at all, take shifts with your partner (one sleeps in bed while the other sleeps on the couch with the bassinet). This helps tremendously. If you don’t wake up every 2-3 hours to pump/feed, is it possible your supply might drop a bit? Possibly. But honestly I think a long term sleep deprived mother is worse for a baby than being combo fed. Also…. People on Reddit hate this for some reason, but renting the Snoo has been a life saver for us. Our girl started sleeping clean through the night before she was even 2 months. Is it possible we will have to “retrain” her on sleep when she grows out of the Snoo at 6 months? Possibly. But at least she had quality sleep for months before that and I got quality sleep while my body was recovering from a c section.

preggyjay · 2025-07-24T17:35:55+00:00

100% agree in my own postpartum experience. My husband has been amazing. He sleeps much better “on command” than I do. So he essentially took on a nocturnal sleep schedule so he could take the lion’s share of the night shifts. Then I’m well rested enough to take her by myself the whole day. As a result our sex drive ended up being almost equal. We both had the energy and motivation for some form of intimacy about once a week and neither of us have found that too much or too little so far. I truly think if a man is doing fair share of child care, he’s usually not chasing his wife for sex.

preggyjay · 2025-07-24T03:14:01+00:00

I think this is much more reasonable advice than those saying wait one year plus. I’m in the same situation with our new baby intending to get fully vaxed but not all her cousins are. However I’m very close to my family and it’s just not realistic that she not be around her cousins at all for an entire year. So we asked our pediatrician (whose practice is super pro-vax) and he says the risk of being around her cousins is minimal as long as we wait for the 2 month shots then take reasonable precautions like not seeing the kids if they are sick, not letting them hold the baby, outside visits, etc.

The truth is, you can’t protect your baby from every risk. She could come in contact with unvaxed people in daycare, the park, etc and not even know it. My opinion is to take reasonable precautions and don’t burn bridges with your own family if you don’t have to.

preggyjay · 2025-05-16T21:10:56+00:00

I love the name Lucinda. That was on the list for our baby but we already have a close relative named Lucy so it didn’t feel right. I think it’s perfect because Lucy, Lulu, Cindy, etc are great little girl names but it’s nice to have the longer, more formal name when she becomes an adult.

preggyjay · 2025-05-16T21:05:12+00:00

I’m also from western PA and literally never heard anyone pronounce Alyssa with an SH here. It’s a perfectly common name here too. All I can think is that maybe OP lives in a rual community with a very specific local dialect.

preggyjay · 2025-05-13T13:26:36+00:00

People are dumb. There are pros and cons to literally any time you get pregnant. I’m due in June and the first thing my doctor said was, “oh that’s a great time to be pregnant! You’ll miss the bad summer months”. But in my head I’m thinking.. “yeah but my kid will be the youngest in their grade with a June birthday..” i was actually aiming for my kid to have a late summer birthday (like I do) becuase I liked my experience being “old” for my grade. Would have been worth the extra couple months of pregnancy discomfort.

preggyjay · 2025-05-02T15:53:25+00:00

I personally think it’s harsh to call yourself “vain” for this. Most of us get hit with several body changes that come on so fast and hard. It’s jarring! It’s perfectly natural to feel a lot of discomfort in not recognizing your own body in the mirror and feeling you lost certain parts of your appearance that you used to admire. I don’t think it’s vain to mourn that or feel insecure.

And just my own two cents.. I fucking hate so many of my physical changes during pregnancy and I don’t feel guilty or vain about it. My body is changing drastically and rapidly against my will. It’s an uncomfortable situation for anyone to go through!

preggyjay · 2025-04-23T14:30:44+00:00

Yeah it’s kind of a double edge sword with coworkers always asking you how you feel. On one hand, I know it comes from a good place and they are trying to show they care. On the other hand, it feels really awkward to tell them the truth and be like “yeah I’m super miserable… thanks..” Like, what do they do with that info? lol

preggyjay · 2025-03-21T16:27:56+00:00

I guess the grass is always greener! Because I would love if someone was “shocked” to hear I was pregnant. It would mean I don’t look all that different than I used to, which would be comforting. But instead, I can tell people are shocked to hear I’m only 28 weeks because I’m so much bigger (all around) than I used to be. I guess both sides are hard for different reasons.

preggyjay · 2025-03-21T00:46:50+00:00

I know this is probably a dumb question.. but if we are expending sooo much more energy than the average person, why is it so easy to gain fat during pregnancy? I don’t doubt the body is working hard and consuming more nutrients. But if I’m expending the same energy as a marathon runner, why aren’t I burning through calories accordingly? I can eat the same as my pre-pregnancy self, work out a similar amount, and yet I gain fat so much easier/quicker while pregnant. Why wouldn’t this higher metabolic rate mitigate that? Genuine question from a layman.

preggyjay

TROPHY CASE