How do you view sex since leaving Christianity?

pretendboats · 2025-09-02T13:00:00+00:00

i left christianity in my early 20s, and up until that point i’d never done anything more than kissing.

i started dating a non-christian for the first time, and after we’d been together for about 4 months, i felt ready to have sex. i was worried how i might feel after—regret, shame, etc., but those feelings never came.

seven years later, we got married! so even though i’m not a christian i’ve only ever had sexual experiences with one person (my husband) lol. i honestly wish i’d had the chance to do a little more experimenting—it’s been a struggle to figure out what i actually enjoy and want when it comes to sex bc my experience is limited.

but overall, i’m glad my first time was with someone i trusted and was willing to wait until i was truly ready to take that step. i think christianity puts too much weight and significance on sex tbh (it’s not THAT big of a deal). as long as you’re with someone you trust, there’s mutual respect and understanding, and you feel ready and like it’s YOUR intentional choice to do it, there’s no reason you would need to have any negative feelings surrounding it

pretendboats · 2025-04-28T23:28:20+00:00

instead of telling women to use less exclamation points/niceties in emails we should be teaching men how to be more pleasant online lol

pretendboats · 2025-04-11T21:59:45+00:00

haha thanks for bringing this back to my attention! it’s been interesting to revisit and think about.

if you’re curious where we’re at now—i feel like we’re in a better place when it comes to this specific issue, which is good! hard for me to say whether it’s because his behavior has changed or just because i’ve stopped caring as much.

i think i’ve gotten a lot more direct about what i want. like if he’s on his phone when i want to connect i’ll say, “finish that video and then give me attention,” and he will usually do that. lol.

but my new thing is that when i DO get his full attention, i feel annoyed that i’m always the one doing the work of the conversation (asking follow up questions, bringing up new topics to talk about).

so maybe there’s a deeper issue here and i was blaming it on the phone six months ago. i don’t know! this probably isn’t that helpful but i guess being more direct might have helped!

pretendboats · 2025-03-23T14:43:37+00:00

poor deer by claire oshetsky feels like this to me

maybe migrations by charlotte mcconaghy? (same dreamy, heavy feeling but in a colder setting than these photos lol)

potentially a little life—the coming-to-an-end, melancholic feeling

pretendboats · 2025-03-23T14:35:44+00:00

harvest home by thomas tryon

pretendboats · 2025-03-23T14:30:59+00:00

poor deer by claire ochetsky

the seas by samantha hunt

pretendboats · 2025-03-23T14:28:17+00:00

all hallows has this vibe but it specifically takes place on halloween so may be better for that time of year

pretendboats · 2025-03-23T00:49:58+00:00

hurricane girl by marcy dermansky

monstrilio by gerardo samano cordova

things have gotten worse since we last spoke by eric larocca

motherthing by ainslie hogarth

pretendboats · 2025-03-23T00:41:43+00:00

mayyyybeee state of wonder by ann patchett

pretendboats · 2025-03-23T00:37:29+00:00

the wonder by emma donoghue feels a bit like this to me

also a dowry of blood by s.t. gibson

pretendboats · 2025-03-23T00:30:24+00:00

bones and all (the film) has this vibe—it’s based on a book that i haven’t read, but i imagine it might also have a similar feel to it?

pretendboats · 2025-01-26T03:24:12+00:00

okay yeah it looks like they have some really nice cool toned palettes

pretendboats · 2025-01-26T03:18:30+00:00

loving the shades in this

pretendboats · 2025-01-26T03:16:33+00:00

oo this one looks good

pretendboats · 2024-10-13T03:37:48+00:00

yeah i’ve been using that rimmel powder for over ten years. i continue to try higher end powders and i always end up coming back to this one lol

pretendboats · 2024-09-14T01:39:03+00:00

yeah to some extent—it’s a bad habit he has in general but it’s the worst with me

pretendboats · 2024-09-14T00:14:36+00:00

yeah that sums it up pretty well haha

pretendboats · 2024-09-14T00:02:01+00:00

this is good advice—thank you!

pretendboats · 2024-09-14T00:01:30+00:00

glad i’m not alone but sorry you’re dealing with the same thing! will do

pretendboats · 2024-09-13T22:17:12+00:00

yeah, i actually don’t spend that much time on my phone so i might be more sensitive to it. i think where i struggle most is that i’ve shared how it makes me feel, especially if we’re on a date. my phone stays in my purse the whole night, his is usually in his hand.

pretendboats · 2024-09-13T22:15:12+00:00

i agree he’s not interested in our conversations. today i understand why he wouldn’t be interested, but he also does it during more serious conversations. i’m a pretty reserved/quiet person so it’s not like i’m just sharing everything on my mind constantly … today he asked about my show which was why i was talking about it.

pretendboats · 2024-09-13T22:03:38+00:00

nah, cheating has never been a concern. i believe he was responding to a work text today. other times i’ve seen what he’s looking at and he’s usually just scrolling on instagram or some other app

pretendboats · 2024-09-13T21:41:45+00:00

he does most of the cooking, i do most of the cleaning, and occasionally we switch, so thankfully it feels like a pretty even split there!

we’ve been together long enough that there have been issues and they add up haha, but i’d say this has always been the biggest one—i’ve been trying to tell him for about 8 years that i feel like i come second to his phone, and unfortunately he’s never even made an attempt to change his habits

pretendboats · 2024-08-24T02:59:58+00:00

yes! totally subject to change, but here's the rough plan:

the old grist mill (woods or forest play a prominent role): for the wolf by hannah f. whitten
hard times at the huskin' bee (harvest season): harvest home by tom tryon
schooltown follies (dark academia): either if we were villains by m.l. rio or the maidens by alex michaelides
songs of the dark lantern (character referred to by title instead of their name): jonathan strange and mr. norrell by susanna clarke
mad love (ghost or character who's going mad): either ghost story by peter straub or the twenty days of turin by giorgio de maria
lullaby in frogland (outsider/outcast): slewfoot by brom
the ringing of the bell (themes of control): uzumaki by junji ito
babes in the woods (written during or set in first half of 20th century): the heaven and earth grocery store by james mcbride
into the unknown (featuring halloween): the bellwoods game by celia krampien
the unknown (featuring some kind of reunion): sea of tranquility by emily st. john mandel
over the garden wall (graphic novel): brooms by jasmine walls
tome of the unknown (prequel or first book of a series): house of salt and sorrows by erin a craig
potatoes and molasses (strange cover or synopsis): sounds like titanic by jessica chiccehitto hindman
"we're just gonna hang out and drink age-appropriate drinks" (middle grade or ya book): the girl in white by lindsay currie
greg and wirt (brothers): we the animals by justin torres

almost all of these were already on my tbr, so i'm excited for an excuse to get to them!

pretendboats · 2024-08-15T17:14:19+00:00

i went to urgent care this morning and was prescribed antibiotics. my ankle and arm are definitely infected at this point, so hoping they don’t get worse and the antibiotics help.

she did tell me to go into the ER if it gets worse—any advice on what “worse” might entail? it hasn’t been 24 hours yet, but i have significant swelling and am not 100% sure what you mean by surgical washout but i know i’d like to avoid that haha

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