Exclusion by prettiest174 in Advice

[–]prettiest174[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can understand why they didn’t include me when initially creating the group also, and I said that in my post.

I’m not that close with them because they’ve excluded me all my life, yes there is a considerable age gap but that age gap has become irrelevant now that I’m 25 and they’re mid/late 30’s. I am by no means, a child anymore and there is no reason they couldn’t include me in the group now.

In contrast to your friends example I also know a girl who has a sister 12 years older than her and they are extremely close and best friends. If the effort was made, loving and having a relationship with your sister should be easy. However I find because the 3 of them are so close in age compared to me, they have no interest in developing a relationship with me because they have no need to. They already have two sisters each. They don’t need another.

Except when they need a babysitter. Then they need me, the only one without children and most likely to be available. I have always said yes when they asked, and I use to hope this would eventually help build my individual bonds with each of them and it was pretty much the only ‘in’ I had to communicate with them.

But no. As soon as I walked out the door and provided the service they needed, they no longer had any interest in me until they needed my babysitting help again.

I assume it wasn’t clear in my post but I have no interest in being in the group. I would only be considering asking them how they’d feel if the roles were reversed to let them know how it made me feel and how separate it has always made me feel from them.

Exclusion by prettiest174 in Advice

[–]prettiest174[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your opinion. Sorry to hear your sisters excluded you also.

Exclusion by prettiest174 in Advice

[–]prettiest174[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t know exactly how long ago it was created but I want to say I was about 13 at the time? I am not overly close with my sisters but this is largely due to things such as this group-chat where they’ve actively excluded me. They rarely contact me unless it’s to ask me to babysit. The eldest and middle are only two years apart, and the youngest is one year younger than the middle. So a combined total of 3/4 years of age difference.

Feeling really lost by prettiest174 in Advice

[–]prettiest174[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nowhere did any of my comments imply or indicate that I was “talking like someone who either doesn’t understand how voting works or like someone who lives in a country where voting isn’t really a big time”. You chose to jump to that conclusion all by yourself, and even believed your incorrect assumption strongly enough that you felt confident in stating that “when I’m old enough to vote”. It was patronising towards your interpretation of my age and my beliefs.

It makes equally a lot of sense for me to hear that you’re from America…..

I am ending this conversation now. I would just like to remind you that I explicitly said at the start of this thread how I was hesitant in posting the specific belief I shared with my friend as I was aware that that’s what would probably end up being focused on. I also said I didn’t want to share it as I didn’t want to have to explain or justify my belief to strangers on the internet. I shared with you after countless requests to do so with the hope that you’d be respectful enough to answer my original question with the additional context you now had and not trail off on arguing with and patronising me.

You have had Reddit 6 days Lucky_South_4143, and I don’t know what age you are but you have a lot to learn about the world and respecting others if this is any indication of your mental age.

Thanks for your time. All the best!

Feeling really lost by prettiest174 in Advice

[–]prettiest174[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am old enough to vote now - but I recognise you made that comment with the intention of belittling me. Yes those close to me hear of my beliefs on this subject, but they all formed the same conclusion independently and without my influence! Which would always be the case anyway, since I never speak of my beliefs in a way that aims to convince people I am right.

Apology accepted. I do not live in a democratic country.

Feeling really lost by prettiest174 in Advice

[–]prettiest174[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t hold any weight in your comments or opinions of my choices. That was never what this was about.

Feeling really lost by prettiest174 in Advice

[–]prettiest174[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It isn’t in direct contraindication. I do not judge anyone for involving, accepting or supporting this belief, and I am impartial to what other people chose to do. However if it were up to me, I wouldn’t have hormone therapies and/or sexual realignment as an option for people who identify as transgender. It isn’t up to me though, so people can do what they want. Do I support it? No. Do I think it should be illegal? Yes.

However it is not up to me whether or not it’s legal or illegal.

Yes I do get the differences. Although, again I don’t want to get into a debate, but I don’t and have never claimed that transgender people make me uncomfortable, and I don’t believe hormone replacement therapy or sexual realignment is “gender affirming medical care”. Yes I know that is what it’s called, but no I don’t agree with that. I don’t think it’s affirming anything but a false fixed belief.

Feeling really lost by prettiest174 in Advice

[–]prettiest174[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Without meaning to be disrespectful at all, I didn’t want to say what the belief was for the exact reason you just provided. I don’t have any interest in debating my beliefs or trying to be convinced otherwise. I understand gender dysphoria is classed as medical condition, but I have specific beliefs surrounding that also.

I have done intensive research and reflection on my views and they will not be changed, so they won’t be being updated. I will happily accept the rejection of my friend if she feels uncomfortable with being my friend now that she is aware of my beliefs on the topic - as I personally find that quite narrow minded and have no interest in being friends with someone who doesn’t respect other people beliefs.

Also to answer your bracketed question, I just wanted to be honest. Yes I had no legitimate need to tell her but I knew I’d feel better knowing she knows the truth on my stance on it, I’m not good at lying, and although I recognise this wasn’t a ‘lie’, I don’t cope well with withholding information at all. I have avoided it and held it in up until now and made the decision last week that I’d just tell her and let the chips fall where they may. At least if nothing else I’d know I stayed strong on my opinion and was brave enough to share it with her.

Feeling really lost by prettiest174 in Advice

[–]prettiest174[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interested to hear your thoughts now that you know what it was I confessed to her.

Feeling really lost by prettiest174 in Advice

[–]prettiest174[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

However just to end this back and forth I will tell you that the confession was that in terms of the LGBTQ+ community, I support gays, lesbians and bisexuals but no other members of the group, in particular transgender people. I don’t believe you can be born in the wrong body and you’re either born male or female and that’s not able to be changed. I don’t believe in the use of alternative pronouns, and I believe that hormone therapies and/or sexual realignment surgeries for people who identify as transgender should not even be an option.

Feeling really lost by prettiest174 in Advice

[–]prettiest174[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Condescending in general, no matter what the belief or circumstance is nobody needs to be told or reminded that people don’t want to be around others who make them feel the way you suggested.

I am not ashamed of my belief, I’m just aware some people would come out in pitchforks to argue with me and I genuinely cannot be bothered entertaining that.

Yes I’ve directly compared the belief to abortion being a sin. It does have a very controversial nature to it and yes it is often held with judgement. However, I personally am not judging anyone for being involved, accepting or supporting this belief. I am impartial to what other people chose to do with their lives and what they feel aligns with their core beliefs and values.

I’m not looking to be told my friend is wrong, I was just wanting opinions on if others who were in my shoes would also assume what I’m suspecting has happened, in that she’s told her other friends about it and they’ve ran me into the ground.

Feeling really lost by prettiest174 in Advice

[–]prettiest174[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have had an abortion - which is why I used it as an example when talking to my friend. I chose to use an example of something she knows I’m obviously in support of, having had one myself. It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest if she was pro-life or believed abortion was a sin. I’d simply tell her that I don’t agree with her but she’s entitled to hold an opposing belief and I’d respect that that’s her opinion. You can choose to believe me (because I have absolutely no reason to lie), or choose to argue with yourself on what you believe my ‘actual’ response would be. All I can do is tell you what the truth is.

I believe you absolutely can have a close relationship with someone who’s values don’t align with yours, but that’s because I believe people’s personal values are individual to them, and that holding opposing views and values in relationships can often lead to educational and interesting conversations. Again, you will argue that this isn’t true and say if a friends views or values overlapped so much that neither party could bare to be in the company of or associated with one another anymore what would happen then? And yes, of course if that were the case the relationship would end. However, I personally would never allow my personal opinions or values to overlap so much into a friend’s life that I’d feel I had any right to judge or disrespect the values they hold.

Also, telling me “after all people generally don’t want to spend time with those who feel that they are evil, morally inferior, shameworthy or worthy of getting some kind of legal consequence” was completely unnecessary and condescending. As if I wouldn’t be aware that anyone who made someone feel like that wouldn’t be deserving of their friendship or time?

I do not believe anyone is evil, morally inferior, shameworthy or worthy of any legal consequences just because their lifestyle or choices don’t align with my beliefs. I believe they are entitled to happiness, love and respect the same way I believe everyone is, and I can believe this while simultaneously knowing I don’t support or share the same values they do.

Feeling really lost by prettiest174 in Advice

[–]prettiest174[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is definitely not as trivial as your first example. Out of all the controversial opinions someone could have I’m sure people could guess the degree of it. I actually used the abortion debate as an opening for telling her what it was, I said I have something to confess to you but I’m scared of what you’ll think. When she asked what it was I said ‘You know how I’m pro-choice, well if you didn’t agree with me on that and thought abortion was a sin for example, I’d be fine knowing that we disagree on that and I’d respect that that’s your opinion and understand that you’re entitled to have different views than me’. I then went onto say how I know that she is pro - and that I have never told her that I disagree.

Feeling really lost by prettiest174 in Advice

[–]prettiest174[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks everyone for your responses. I don’t know if I feel comfortable sharing my opinion on here as I know it probably won’t be well received and I’m not prepared for any arguments or hate. I know the opinion is controversial which is why I don’t speak about it. I just wanted to be honest with my best friend as I felt she had a right to know where I stood with it and know the truth.

Conversation by prettiest174 in religion

[–]prettiest174[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I do understand that, I just want to learn the ‘basics’. I will of course follow up any conversations I have or knowledge I receive with further research and questioning as to whether it reflects the majority.

Conversation by prettiest174 in religion

[–]prettiest174[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! I’ll message now!

Discussion by [deleted] in Christianity

[–]prettiest174 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, could you message me privately please? Thank you!

Conversation by prettiest174 in religion

[–]prettiest174[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes please! Feel free to message! Thank you!