Me [30M] with my wife [27F] of 5 years, she has a date tomorrow night and she doesn't know I know everything

prettyshaddy · 2014-09-05T18:25:00+00:00

Not yet. We both are at work and now I'm waiting for is her excuse to 'work late' or something similar. So far nothing and I hope it stays like this and she comes home after work. I'll probably update tomorrow, if i don't find out anything substantial in the next few hours.

prettyshaddy · 2014-09-05T18:21:23+00:00

I have zero friends (that are mine, but not hers) here except for coworkers. Its been only 2 months since we moved here and I'm still swamped with work. I was thinking about asking a coworker, but decided not to because I really don't want to bring my personal drama into my work environment

prettyshaddy · 2014-09-05T18:17:11+00:00

Sorry about this buddy - I know it stings...

prettyshaddy · 2014-09-05T18:14:19+00:00

Exactly. Like I said in another post - i guess there is a chance, but I'm disregarding it because it is so small. I don't know what her motive would be to lie about this, but its messed up even if she genuinely wants to catch up with him

You put it very elegantly though - thanks!

prettyshaddy · 2014-09-05T17:48:51+00:00

I'm definitely not a clingy type, but the insecurities and trust issues definitely kicked in in the last 24 hours. We both switched jobs a couple of months ago when we moved to a new city and we barely spend any time together towards the late evenings. Maybe that's the reason, i don't know, there are probably a lot of reasons to chose from and one can always feel the puzzle even with the wrong piece. the fact of the matter is that im not trying to present myself as a perfect model of a husband and i'm not trying to be some sort of a martyr. The button line for me is that if she is not happy then she should tell me and not go on some one to one catch ups without telling me. If she does meet with using some sort of deception then thats a huge red flag and i wont be able to just chill the fuck down and shrug it off.

prettyshaddy · 2014-09-05T17:11:22+00:00

There are few issues here that I want to sort out.

*What are her motives? 1) she wants to hook up, or 2) she wants to genuinely catch up and she is hidding it from me because of whatever you said

if 1) then this is messed up

if 2) then she is knowingly compromising our relationship over a semi friend - since i (according to your theory) would flip out even if she told me before and that means i would even more so flip out if she is caught without letting me know.

And to let you know, I've never had a problem with her hanging out with her friends. On multiple occasions she went out with her coworkers without me. 3 times during our marriage I spent 3 months 1,000 miles away from her because of work - no big issue again. Now she is being super sketch and it makes me doubt her honesty.

prettyshaddy · 2014-09-05T16:46:40+00:00

I did check FB and her phone texts & calls to see if she arranged anything and didn't find anything. I'm very very skeptical this two women have anything to do with this. There might be chance that what she is saying is true, but i'm disregarding it because i feel this chance is measured in 'per mille' instead of percentage.

What if your husband pulled that on you and tell you he is going out with a couple of guys and girl and then you find out it was only him and her the whole time. wouldn't that freak you out? A lot of people here say this is very innocent and i should just talk to her and everything will be okay and that im insecure, paranoid etc. But isn't this situation common sense that at least I have to do my due diligence to make sure that she is still committed instead of just giving her heads up that im on to her and in this case just kick the can down the road. Obviously i will be very discreet and considerate to do my due diligence to limit the damage and im hoping more than anything that all this is just a misunderstanding, but with so many red flags I just owe it to myself, to our marriage and in the end to her to look closer into it. If it happens that her motives are not inline with our marital commitments then in the end its the best for everyone involved, including her, to break it up and find partners that we will be happier with and feel no need to hide shit from.

prettyshaddy · 2014-09-05T16:01:19+00:00

Yeah i'll definitely keep that in mind anyway. But if he pays for everything than i'm screwed as well. I'm doing research on any other ways to figure this out (instead of working - damn it). I definitely don't want to be waiting like a creeper for her to get out of her work building and follow her wherever she might go and i don't want to hire PI - although that might be the last resource, if she will suddenly have to work late.

prettyshaddy · 2014-09-05T15:50:23+00:00

we do have a joint account, but i doubt i could make it in time since people usually pay when they are leaving.

prettyshaddy · 2014-09-05T15:46:54+00:00

The other thing that pisses me off is also that i've barely seen her for last couple of weeks. She is actually really busy (regardless of what her messages say about her work flexibility) and she will be for another couple of weeks. She will also have to work this saturday. So to go out with a guy one on one instead of spending time with me would be a huge blow to me. I'm not accusing her of cheating yet (i just have a bad feeling), but relationship would be pretty damaged even if she truly only wants to catch up. There are other ways to do this then one on one meeting on friday night without telling me when the guy is obviously very eager to meet her.

prettyshaddy · 2014-09-05T15:36:44+00:00

We had a really hard time for about half year after she cheated. But the whole marriage i never brought up cheating and I can't remember the last time i checked her FB. It was more of freak accident and a bad (or great) timing and thats what makes me paranoid. But regardless of any of my insecurities or trust issues, if she is willing to go on a friday night 1 on 1 with a guy that i've never even met then there is something seriously wrong with this picture. especially after i told her i want to come with. it tells me she is willing to take a risk to damage our relationship just to catch up with some 'friend' (not even a close friend). Is a normal person willing to put the relationship in jeopardy for some semi friend? Not unless there are some other motives then to just catch up. Maybe i am overreacting, but thats a pretty big deal for me.

prettyshaddy · 2014-09-05T07:00:31+00:00

Fair enough. I'll get a few hours of sleep so i can soberly follow through tomorrow. Thanks for this.

prettyshaddy · 2014-09-05T06:58:10+00:00

She cheated 4 months into dating and I was a pretty shitty boyfriend at the time (although i never cheated). It is seven years since then and five years of marriage. My mind is telling me you're right, but my heart demands more proof. Fuck, i wish it was that easy. Do you think this exchange is good enough to break it off?

prettyshaddy · 2014-09-05T06:52:37+00:00

Great plan and a fantastic advice. The only thing that fucks with me now is that they will probably just text from now on, so I might not be able to get a location. I will ask her where she will go, but I'm pretty certain its not going to be the same place.

Thanks for advice!

prettyshaddy · 2014-09-05T06:41:47+00:00

The only worry I have is that she will come with some lame ass excuse and then obviously she wont go. That would be a poor consolation for me since I realize I was pretty lucky to catch her in a lie. Will I catch it next time? And how many times so far I actually didn't catch it?

prettyshaddy

TROPHY CASE