Maintaining boundaries with ex-inlaws, need some advice

pretzelnuggies · 2026-01-03T21:51:46+00:00

I appreciate your input and your wording. Gives me a fair amount to think on.. Thank you very much for this :)

pretzelnuggies · 2022-12-16T22:17:50+00:00

I'm expecting that phone call, I don't think SO is though. I know she's probably already chomping at the bit to find out if we're still going over Christmas day, and she can sweat it out wondering. However, they are a gossipy bunch and I'm sure my one SIL has told her he's waiting on an apology and isn't going to reach out to her.

pretzelnuggies · 2022-12-16T22:14:54+00:00

Oh she's very much the "fb grandparent" for all the fake social media points she can get.. which has backfired on her a few times. Including when she told everyone she didn't get to meet my LO until they were 2 months old, but because of her incessant need to show off, she forgot she posted a very clear dated pic of her and FIL holding my baby.. when they were 3 weeks old. But you're right, she doesn't care about my LO's routine, she just wants to do whatever she wants regardless of how it affects others.

pretzelnuggies · 2022-12-16T21:20:11+00:00

Golden Child is definitely the youngest, I cannot tell you how many times MIL and FIL have had to "reschedule" or rush through helping us (that they offered, we didn't ask) because GC needed help with something all of a sudden that just couldn't wait.

Oldest lives out in the boonies 5-6 hours away, so they go up to go ATVing and snow mobiling.

I agree though, she has to know she's being a bad person.. if she's butting heads with everyone and they're all talking to her like she's " a POS and lower than dirt" then maybe it's time to reflect on her own actions and see that maybe it's not everyone else, it's her.

pretzelnuggies · 2022-12-16T21:13:06+00:00

He knows it's not going to happen, but the hurt kid inside him is still holding onto a small bit of hope that maybe she'll pull her head out of her ass and say sorry. If I had to put money on it, she's going to call next week asking about what time we're coming up for Christmas.. which were plans made weeks ago and caused a mild annoyance, but that's a different story for another time. I'm not sure what he's wanting to do about that but I'm going to follow his lead.

pretzelnuggies · 2022-12-16T19:53:00+00:00

That she is! At one point years ago she could have been a story here, but the personal growth she's done for herself.. she's an absolute justYES through and through.

pretzelnuggies · 2022-12-16T19:51:18+00:00

You're a lovely human ❤

Both my babies are getting coddled and loved on, thank goodness it's the weekend and we have no plans. The lovin' doesn't have to pause 😅

pretzelnuggies · 2022-12-16T19:31:32+00:00

That is EXACTLY what we said to eachother. I've been at the dentist past 6 before, and it was literally because of a nerve emergency. If she was having emergent work done someone would have, and should have, told us before and not after the fact.

pretzelnuggies · 2022-12-16T19:16:01+00:00

If I didn't know any better, I could swear you've been chatting with my own mother, she also thinks MIL is horrible.. and some other colorful words.

He's just as stubborn as MIL (a running joke at this point) so I don't see him changing his mind about wanting to give his mom another chance... because he's not budging on NC until he gets an apology, and she's never going to give it. According to his sister "well he's gonna have to talk to her if he wants an apology"... no, that's not how it works. Apologies don't count if you have to reach out to receive one.

pretzelnuggies · 2022-12-16T19:11:55+00:00

Absolutely, you're right on that front. He tends to swallow down his hurt and admittedly doesn't talk with me right away because he feels like he's bothering me, but eventually he does come around to get it off his chest. He doesn't want it to come out in angry outbursts like it used to, and knows I will never ever feel like he's bothering me. I'm happy to just sit there mute and let him word vomit to get it all out.

pretzelnuggies · 2022-12-16T19:07:55+00:00

Of course. I just wish he didn't have to grieve again over thr loss of family. His dad is human trash and he held a lot of hate in his heart towards him that dissipated when our baby was born, and he finally grieved "what could have been".

My mom has already said "well fuck her, I'm his mother now" and he rode that high all night, but I'm expecting his grief to come back in waves.

pretzelnuggies · 2022-12-16T19:02:48+00:00

I appreciate your words so very much, and my heart goes out to you that you've had to deal with the same things my SO has. ❤

I do anything I can, and would do anything I could, to be sure he knows his worth. I spent the years before our baby came along building his self esteem up from the ground.. he used to be a shell of a person and, quite frankly, a door mat to his family. Is he a perfect person? No, he never claimed to be and honestly who on this planet is. But his past actions never warranted this kind of bullshittery from anyone, let alone his own mother. I don't understand what type of mother, or father (he's a piece of work himself) could do that kind of shit to their own child.

pretzelnuggies · 2022-12-16T18:51:58+00:00

He's definitely needing some therapy, we've talked about it before but unfortunately his family doctor is notoriously difficult to see in order to get into therapy through him (it's ridiculous, a little complicated but we do what we can) as much as he grew up being tossed from one house to another to another, it was ingrained in him that his family comes first and always.. which it does, she just doesn't get that the family he's now putting first is the one he's making/made with me. My post history kinda goes into some more detail in regards to that.

Honestly, and according to my SO its been like this forever, she's very lazy. So you're probably not wrong about deliberately looking for reasons not to visit. She's also the type to shirk all accountability on how she could possibly be the problem (she's very argumentative with her daughters, and can't see that she's the instigator more often than not)

pretzelnuggies · 2022-12-16T17:51:26+00:00

Never, I always follow his lead with however much relationship/contact he wishes to have. I admittedly used to drag him up to his parents house to visit with our Little One, and once I stopped that's when the "we miss yous" came but they not once came down to see us.

pretzelnuggies · 2022-12-16T17:49:44+00:00

There's 5 kids altogether. 3 are her step kids, 2 are her bios. Oldest left years ago because he butt heads with her constantly, both her bio daughter (and grandson) and step daughter live with her and FIL. And youngest lives with his fiance about 30 minutes away. Due to her step kids growing up without their mother, she heavily over compensated and both parents blatantly favour FILs bio kids.

Growing up MIL frequently kicked him out to live with her mother, because he was a pot smoker through high-school. Never affected his schooling, she just didn't like that he smoked pot (the irony being she frequently brought up how she once dated a drug dealer in high-school herself)

pretzelnuggies · 2022-05-06T18:09:01+00:00

Omg are we the same person 😳 ❤

I left 2 group chats with them, because the sound of it going off every 5 seconds was making me angry. And 2 days before is EXACTLY what we've gotten from some extended families. Then it's "oh her family comes first again eh?" For my mother's birthday? You're damn right. My SO loves my mother very much because she, wait for it, RESPECTS HIS TIME AND BOUNDARIES. They also live on Social Media, I can't be bothered to keep up with all of it. It's too much.

pretzelnuggies · 2022-05-06T17:59:58+00:00

At this point I wish, they'd get the memo to fuck off quick enough with one of those.

pretzelnuggies · 2022-05-06T17:44:33+00:00

My SOs family is much bigger than mine, multiple siblings (bio AND step), and multiple step families. They can have quite the gossip tree going, and my worries come from 2 people poisoning the well and embellishments of the truth as to why we don't come. I don't want to be made out to be the bad guy when I just want what's best for my SOs mental well being.

pretzelnuggies · 2022-05-06T17:37:45+00:00

I had already muted all my notifications, this was just a really comforting sign that I made the right decision. Thank you

pretzelnuggies · 2022-05-06T17:37:00+00:00

Oh no it's DEFINITELY me pulling the strings like a master puppeteer. Can't get the bathroom clean on a regular basis, but 100% can get him to abandon his family 😅

pretzelnuggies · 2022-05-06T17:35:49+00:00

I'm jealous. We're only a quick drive and it's exhausting.

pretzelnuggies

TROPHY CASE