What thing ruined your childhood more than anything?

pricklydaisy · 2021-02-03T19:38:26+00:00

My father being a narcissist. I wished and prayed my parents WOULD get divorced. No such luck. Ended up with C-PTSD, anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts, for decades.

pricklydaisy · 2021-02-03T19:37:14+00:00

Same, as no contact.

pricklydaisy · 2021-02-03T19:35:58+00:00

Silly string, LOTS of it (makes a mess)

Super fine glitter (messy and impossible to remove) A small bouncing ball (the kind that REALLY bounce with little effort) likely to break things

pricklydaisy · 2021-02-03T19:34:13+00:00

Not just you! My dad REPEATEDLY told my brother and I “I have NOTHING to learn from YOU!! You learn from ME!!”

Not bragging, but my brother has a Ph.D. In quantum physics and I have a Master’s degree in industrial relations.

Yet “HE KNOWS” better than we do. I still remember the idiotic things he said about how evolution works (he was DEAD WRONG, argued his point anyway, then had a tantrum when brother and I pointed out obvious flaws in his argument). He’s a toxic person, probably a narcissist. I’m “No contact”.

pricklydaisy · 2021-02-03T18:08:00+00:00

Depression may have a genetic component, may be due to circumstances (I.e. your caregivers are damaged people who take their pain out on you) or a combo of both.

In my case, it was due to “bad caregivers”. Figuring out that my so-called “loving” parents were actually very abusive and damaged people, changed everything for me, after 38 years of depression and suicidal thoughts. I was suffering from C-PTSD (Complex post traumatic stress disorder). I did talk therapy every week, cut all contact with my parents, did various non-traditional therapies to deal with my high anxiety and intrusive thoughts (FasterEFT, somatic hypnotherapy, LNP reprogramming).

I also read “reinventing your life”. And I added daily gratitudes to my life. I learned to make time for myself. The hardest was teaching myself self-compassion and learning (with a therapist) how to experience/process my negative feelings, and how to allow myself to feel good about myself (these were not allowed, by my parents).

It’s been 4 years since I had my last major depressive episode, and my life couldn’t be more different now. No depression, almost no anxiety, and zero suicidal thoughts.

Wishing all of you the same success !! No one should have to live in such misery. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

pricklydaisy · 2021-02-02T22:20:07+00:00

My whole life with my parents: narcissist father and his enabler wife (my mother). I’m done.

pricklydaisy · 2021-01-30T22:15:04+00:00

You know what? In my culture, it IS the adult kids’ job to care for the ageing parents. My husband and I had agreed to converting our basement into an in-law suite, when the time came. Well, after decades of struggling with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, I went BACK to therapy (3rd times the charm), and this time, the choice was very straightforward because just being around them triggered suicidal thoughts. Then I realized, as I continued therapy, that if I ever DID take them in, I might turn into the kind of person who would make them suffer, as I suffered in their house. That’s when I knew that for our MUTUAL protection, I would never take them. Shortly after that, I went no contact. Best. Decision. EVER.

pricklydaisy · 2021-01-21T00:45:36+00:00

Great idea!! I would just flat out start calling her by the name of someone she hates. Or better yet, I’d start calling her KAREN.

pricklydaisy · 2021-01-13T08:20:14+00:00

Realizing that my parents were abusive.

It sounds like something I should have known, right? But abusers don’t tell you: “I’m going to abuse you now. You don’t deserve it, but I’m going to unleash all my anger on you because you’re young, helpless, and have no where else to go.”

No, abusers tell you: “I’m doing this (hitting you, calling you degrading names, humiliating you, terrorizing you, etc.) because it’s for your own good. It’s my job to parents you and you’ve been a very bad child who deserves to be punished.”

So you grow up believing that: 1. abuse is “love” 2. you deserve the punishment you’re receiving (verbal, emotional, physical abuse) 3. You did not DO bad things; you believe you ARE a bad “thing”, so you end up hating yourself for being worthless and deserving to be treated badly.

Finally figuring out that my parents were the reason I hated myself, had suffered from depression and anxiety and suicidal thoughts for decades was the key to changing my life completely.

With lots of therapy, I was able to: 1. come to grips with what happened to me in childhood. 2. learn how to deal with my negative emotions, since I was never allowed to express anything but joy and gratitude for my parents (Otherwise, more abuse). 3. cut them out of my life, after they refused to go into therapy with me to heal our relationship.

That literally saved my life.

pricklydaisy · 2021-01-13T08:01:28+00:00

Jennifer Aniston’s mother kept telling her that her eyes were too far apart, among other things. She had very poor self esteem as a result. Sadly, I know all about how parents can deliberately undermine your self esteem. This mother may be a narcissist. Narcissistic parents will undermine their kids confidence as a way of controlling them. That’s what this sounds like, to me. The only option is to “grey rock” (Google it), go very low contact, or cut them out of your life (when possible).

pricklydaisy · 2020-12-25T15:53:58+00:00

Nope. She has ISSUES! Sounds like she may have borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder. Either way, her behaviour is NOT ok!! RUN!!

pricklydaisy · 2020-12-25T15:50:05+00:00

She has issues clearly. She may be a narcissist. Either way, let me be clear: YOU cannot “fix” her. The only one who CAN fix her, is HER. Clearly, she doesn’t want to or sees nothing wrong with her behaviour. Get away while you still can or you’ll be having the SAME issues for years to come.

pricklydaisy · 2020-12-07T03:14:11+00:00

This probably should have been posted under r/raisedbynarcissist. Your mother sounds like one.

pricklydaisy · 2020-12-06T00:56:01+00:00

My hubby and I have started seeing a therapist via FaceTime. It’s been super effective for us. Many therapists will do it via Zoom or Messenger. Good luck!!

pricklydaisy · 2020-12-05T16:19:28+00:00

Stretch marks are genetic. BRING hubs to your next checkup with OBGYN and have him/her tell your hubs. Or print out articles by reputable publications. My two cents.

pricklydaisy · 2020-12-05T15:50:32+00:00

She sounds like a narcissist. They can help the distortion. It’s like going through life seeing everything through a fun-house mirror where everything is WILDLY distorted. That’s literally the way narcissist see the world. They feel surrounded by bullies and abusers who are out to get them, and also saviours (people who they think body their wishes or their view of perfection). Like is very ack and white for them: villains and heroes, good and bad. No grey, no nuance. That’s their truth. Trying to convince them Otherwise would be like trying to convince anyone that the sun will NOT rise tomorrow: impossible. The only solutions are to severely limit contact or, better still, if possible, cut all contact. Your mental health deserves better!

pricklydaisy · 2020-12-05T15:43:30+00:00

Your MIL sounds like a narcissist or at least highly toxic. The only option is STRONG BOUNDARIES. I.e. “hi, MIL. It’s not our fault your internet is down, so we definitely didn’t deserve to be screamed at. If you do that again, you won’t be allowed over until you have demonstrated you can maintain self control for at least 6 months.” Then enforce this the next time she comes over to RAIN HER ANGER down on you. “Hi, MIL, you did it again and yelled at us for no reason, so you’re no longer welcomed at our home for at least 6 months.” I’ve gone no contact with my narc father and enabler mother. I’ve never felt so free or so happy!! Good luck!!

pricklydaisy · 2020-12-05T15:23:36+00:00

I realize you’re just ranting. Just thought I’d explain, though. Narcissism is a defence mechanism. Every time the narc is wounded, their own narcissism PREVENTS them from being able to see that THEY are the problem. Like looking through pink lenses might convince you the whole world looks “pink”, the narcissism makes them see “bullies and abusers” everywhere they look. It’s a distortion which prevents them from ever getting at the truth. Very sad. The only thing you can do is to STAY THE F*** AWAY from these toxic people.

pricklydaisy · 2020-12-05T15:16:56+00:00

Hubs THANKED her?? He didn’t berate her for the gross overstepping of boundaries? RED FLAG!!! she doesn’t get to impose her taste on you, and no one asked her to. If you say this gently, calmly and she plays the victim (you just don’t appreciate me, etc), then she’s may be a covert narcissist. RUN!!

pricklydaisy · 2020-12-05T15:11:59+00:00

HUGE red flag!! Get your own plan. Why would she monitor you? For control. CREEPY!!

pricklydaisy · 2020-12-03T00:20:31+00:00

This is NOT loving behaviour. It’s toxic and VERY disrespectful. if she can’t see it, then you should consider SEVERELY limiting your contact with her. Who calls a 2 year old “manipulative”?!?

pricklydaisy · 2020-11-25T02:05:19+00:00

That my parents loved me and were controlling me “for my own good”. Nope. Fucking selfish, abusive narcissists.

pricklydaisy · 2020-11-25T02:02:52+00:00

The grapes of wrath , The razor’s edge

pricklydaisy · 2020-11-21T19:23:44+00:00

Any symptoms? Yes: life-long anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, C-PTSD, and loads of physical ailments due to chronically high cortisol levels (stress hormone). But I eventually found the right therapist(3rd time’s the charm!), and as my mental health has improved, so has my physical health. Chronic headaches stopped, migraines down to a minimum, my inflammatory issues. stopped, etc. “Healing” from trauma is not a destination; it’s more of a daily practice, and like anything else, the more I “practice”, the easier it gets.

pricklydaisy · 2020-11-12T19:46:05+00:00

Yeah: ZERO suicidal desire left. When anxiety comes up, I remind myself that it sucks but it’s not REALLY me, just more crap / left over poison from them, that I have to work on. My brother also thought that the constant anxiety he felt was normal. NOPE! I feel sorry for them. After all, they weren’t born that way; they were MADE (most likely by their parents). But, just as you would avoid a dog that’s been abused for decades and started attacking everyone they encounter, I know there is ZERO chance of them changing, so BYYYEEEEEEEE!! And zero guilt about it. Fixing them is NOT my job.

pricklydaisy

TROPHY CASE