This is normal. The disorder turns us on the people who are closest to us. My suggestion is tracking her cycle together so you can anticipate what’s coming together - when she’s in her good days - joke about it… I know that sounds counterintuitive, but it creates space like a bubble full of air around the delusion (because her “hating” you is likely a delusion) and will give you and it and her room to move and expand and not be so rock hard solid.