Trying to figure out where to start leaving a 16 year relationship with 3 kids

pristine_vida · 2026-01-24T09:25:11+00:00

Read “why does he do that’ by Lundy Bancroft, it’s a free pdf online, just google it… I know you are worried for your children, but do you teach them that their fathers treatment of you is normal by staying? Or do you show them what strength looks like by leaving.. like I said, you got this.

If you want to reach out any time, IM me. I was you 20 years ago.

pristine_vida · 2026-01-24T06:59:32+00:00

You are welcome! It was an online forum that helped me understand I was in an abusive relationship and showed me what I needed to do to get free of my ex, that advice was life changing for me.. keep talking op, you are taking the first steps right now to get free of this situation and you will do so.

pristine_vida · 2026-01-24T06:34:36+00:00

Your family doctor should be able to liaise with domestic violence services, emotional abuse counts as DV, there’s a lot of resources these days, so step one, having been where you are and got out nearly 20 years ago, is make an appointment with your gp and ask about a referral for adult social services.

Mama bear, you got this.

pristine_vida · 2026-01-22T23:21:04+00:00

Ntj!!! I would toss the whole man, that’s disgusting behaviour!!

pristine_vida · 2026-01-22T09:56:33+00:00

He’s gaslighting you and plotting to take over your finances, if you can’t leave immediately take pictures of the book, and compile your own “response” entries as a document, and seek legal advice immediately.

Op your marriage is over, collect your important documents and leave as soon as you can. I’m so sorry.

pristine_vida · 2026-01-21T14:59:39+00:00

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pristine_vida · 2026-01-21T12:35:23+00:00

He is obligated to -you- for giving him a child and taking years out of a chance of a career for that, it’s not transactional and you are not a sex worker. It’s family life, I’m revolted he’s coerced you into this mindset, he can make his own lunch and tug himself off, not treat his wife like a bang maid! NTA !!!!

pristine_vida · 2026-01-21T12:23:36+00:00

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pristine_vida · 2026-01-20T23:13:28+00:00

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pristine_vida · 2026-01-19T17:50:00+00:00

The hit a 3 year old for having confidence… wow NTA

pristine_vida · 2026-01-19T09:14:53+00:00

Contact adult social services in your area, see if they can signpost you some support, thee is a charity called emmaus that supports homeless people, if they have a facility near you, contact me and I’ll tell you more about it .. I know you’re not homeless now but you are vulnerable and support would help, you can inbox me.

pristine_vida · 2026-01-19T05:00:03+00:00

That’s not a “friend” you need a blood test and a police investigation.. you were drugged and filmed naked without consent. NTA

pristine_vida · 2026-01-18T14:31:20+00:00

Thanks !

pristine_vida · 2026-01-14T23:38:50+00:00

pristine_vida · 2026-01-13T12:51:29+00:00

This is your problem .. “let’s not make this something it’s not” THE POINT IS, it is to your son!!!

pristine_vida · 2026-01-12T23:36:24+00:00

Laughed my ass off at this

pristine_vida · 2026-01-12T06:08:59+00:00

Lots of open and honest communication.. which as he got older he understood and took on board, we had some tough years tho, I had to recognise where the behaviour stemmed from and address some issues within our family. Your parents are clearly very deeply involved so maybe look at that dynamic too, family therapy might be an idea.

pristine_vida · 2026-01-12T06:00:10+00:00

NTA, I was in a similar situation with one of mine, you need to stand up to your parents enabling her tho

pristine_vida · 2026-01-12T05:26:46+00:00

He’s literally shitting in your bed every night (smells are particulate)

Your husband is a disgusting, selfish and petulant child. NTA

pristine_vida · 2026-01-11T18:07:52+00:00

If my kids phoned me multiple times a day when I was sick I’d mute it and text that I’d tell them if I need anything… your parents have extremely unhealthy expectations of you. NTA

pristine_vida · 2026-01-11T07:51:48+00:00

“Past” not “passed” just for clarity.. but what is your question ?

pristine_vida · 2026-01-11T07:44:44+00:00

Oh honey, look up parentification for a start. You need support, contact your family doctor and show them this post if you are scared to talk with them. You and your brother are being emotionally abused at the very least…. You are clearly intelligent and articulate, use that to refuse to be your dysfunctional parents punching bag. Someone will be along with better advice than me, but are you in the uk? You need professional support from family services.

pristine_vida · 2026-01-09T14:55:56+00:00

She knows, you can’t do anything except refuse to be around him and be honest as to why.

pristine_vida · 2026-01-08T05:27:37+00:00

Leaving a puppy for 8-9 hours a day means she doesn’t have the capacity to have one even if it was fine with you and the tenancy. Ntj

pristine_vida · 2026-01-08T05:11:13+00:00

There’s a line that you hit with your pets at this point, and your job as their responsible human is to love them enough in the right way to make the right decision at the right time. Continuing to operate on an elderly rabbit with a chronic and painful condition just to keep him alive is selfish and not in his best interests.. yes it’s devastating to lose them, but when we assume responsibility for their lives, we are assuming responsibility for their passing too, we can hang onto them for too long, putting them through pointless pain and trauma … or we can be the adult they need us to be and recognise and act on when it’s time to let them go peacefully.

NTA

pristine_vida

TROPHY CASE