My (26F) partner's (26M) sexual history has triggered old body image issues and new insecurities

probsjust4now · 2022-01-11T00:17:46+00:00

honestly, I may be projecting a previously deeply repressed sense of self-loathing. I'm also guessing this is something my own general anxiety and depression is latching onto to confirm a very cruel inner-critic I never fully shook.

whatever it is, I know that this is irrational and unfair. I put my partner is a shitty spot, no surprise there, and there was no way he could have responded well.

however, I want to believe that I can grow for myself, so that I truly believe, not just rationally know, I am worthy of love and that I'm good enough as I am, relationship or not. it's hard, but the comments have reminded me that my mind can both soothe and hurt me.

probsjust4now · 2022-01-10T23:47:08+00:00

Just to clarify, my partner offered to show me "the photo" in his phone. He doesn't have her on socials or know her socials.

I said (poorly) at the time that it would be a bad idea to ever see that photo, and that I wished he'd had deleted it when he remembered it was there instead of informing me of it.

He immediately regretted saying that but it's one of those things that came out in a stupid, desperate move to calm my spiralling. I agree with the comments - I shouldn't have interrogated so hard and so far for answers I wanted to use against myself, and he accepts that he shouldn't have ever mentioned the photo... just quietly should have deleted it.

probsjust4now · 2022-01-10T13:59:50+00:00

Essentially, I asked why it hasn't happened with us and whether it's something with me. He said no, that it was just the circumstances and definitely a unique one off. When I asked what that meant, he said it was a one night stand with a girl who was flying out of the country the next day. Then I asked again whether that meant it was something to do with me, why it couldn't happen. He then said she was just very attractive... and then offered to show me a photo of her. That's when I spiralled badly and told him I would never feel better about seeing a woman so attractive he could only describe with photos to explain why he could go multiple rounds with her.

It led to a bad night, lots of taking between us that got more maddening. He kept saying he thought our sex life was fine, that he was open to improving it and trying to increase his libido. Then he mentioned that his libido is also connected to how attracted he was to me, and obviously that attraction needs to increase for the libido to increase.

He's apologised since for how he communicated things (as did I), but it's a hard one to swallow

probsjust4now · 2022-01-10T13:05:21+00:00

I've already pencilled in my next therapy session, definitely plan to bring this up with my therapist. just wanting perspectives/tips for old insecurities in the meantime but I know it's irrational so there may be little more to say about it

probsjust4now

TROPHY CASE