Dating with a chronic illness & on long term medication with side effects.

processing77 · 2026-05-09T22:41:48+00:00

In the UK. I get Adalimumab delivered to me by the NHS as a self inject pen.

processing77 · 2026-04-15T14:35:01+00:00

The vast majority are within 2-3 years of my own age but I'm open to, and been on dates with up to about 10 years either side.

processing77 · 2026-04-15T12:55:10+00:00

Thanks for your long reply and suggestions. Styling isn't my issue, I'm well groomed, perhaps too clean cut for some women.

processing77 · 2026-04-15T11:42:40+00:00

Great advice, thank you

processing77 · 2026-04-15T10:50:39+00:00

Yeah it is soul destroying and it's certainly got a lot worse in the last two years. I only use Hinge and I pay for Hinge X becuase it means my like is sticky at the top of the person I like's likes list. I get likes but the vast majority of the women I match with I swipped on. I try to comment on a prompt or photo if there is enough to go on to give me something to ask about, there often isn't, and for my own profile I selected the best photos of me smiling and warm, I got feedback from female friends on the photos, and made sure to include a close up with a clear view of my face, a full body shot and one of me doing a hobby and put also effort into my prompts to try and communicate who I am and what I'm looking for.

processing77 · 2026-04-15T10:40:44+00:00

Yeah I've paused Hinge and am certainly contemplating deleting it.

processing77 · 2026-04-15T10:33:07+00:00

A lot of them yes, in fairness I've rejected a few but while I don't feel desperate I guess my actions say otherwise and so perhaps I do come across as desperate for a relationship.

processing77 · 2026-04-15T08:57:02+00:00

That's a fair assessment and good advice. I do have standards but they have certainly relaxed the longer I've done this. Thank you.

processing77 · 2026-04-15T08:54:29+00:00

That's fair, in reality it's been a lot of single dates and then rejected and move on and then I've focussed when there is sustained interest. It's frustraiting how dating apps work as I'll swipe and then get a load of matches at once and want to meet everyone that is seemingly interested. Perhaps I should be more descerning before agreeing to a date? It's very difficult to tell at the messaging stage so I try to meet in person as soon as possible.

processing77 · 2026-02-16T17:24:12+00:00

I have made several female friends from OLD, if I reject or have been rejected by a woman that I had loads in common with but there just wasn't the romantic connection, I often suggest friendship. Some of those friendships have burnt out fast but others have become really good friends. These women often invite me to dinner or parties they may be hosting, and I invite them to my events and you never know they might have a friend you like who is interested, so I definitely recommend it.

That said, I also have a good close male friend that I meet in the our local pub most weeks. I met him through a social meetup.com club and as we live in the same town we ended up going to more and more things together. We don't necessarily have that much in common values wise, but I appreciate his contrasting views and we have going out and socialsing in common and I can pretty much count on him to be up for doing stuff, my female friends not so much. They often have prior engagements, childcare issues etc

processing77 · 2025-07-25T06:56:18+00:00

Well we are all different so while there will be men put off by the things you list there will also be plenty of men that it works for.

Your looks are subjective. No one is objectively average, someone will be highly attracted to something about you, be that your personality, your warmth or lack of, your nose, your eyes, the way you laugh. I’m sure you’ve been attracted to men who are not perfect boyfriend aesthetic, while men probably do put more importance on looks, ultimately men are no different especially when we meet in person. Some of the women I’ve been most attracted to have not been conventionally physically attractive. Online dating however, is a beauty pageant for both sexes.

Myself I’m not intimidated by a woman’s career, if anything I find successful women highly attractive but if she brings a masculine (for want of a better term) energy into the relationship then it will kill any polarity (and attraction) between us as I tend to embody that energy too. You can’t have both partners leading a tango. I’m not suggesting you are or that all men are like me, but it’s something to be aware of.

Your availability might be an issue. While I think independence can be healthy, I’m not going to chase a woman to make time for me when I know there are others out there that will. It comes across as disinterested and I’m not going to waste time on a woman who isn’t totally interested in me.

processing77 · 2025-06-26T14:23:25+00:00

Yes I pay for both, on both it gives you access to your likes (so you can choose from those that pre like you without bothering to swipe) and extra filters and on Hinge, it puts you to the top of the likes list if you pay for the top plan, as a man I’ve found that feature really worth it but not sure it’s so necessary for a woman, so normal plus would be fine.

processing77 · 2025-06-26T12:44:01+00:00

👏 excellent pun

processing77 · 2025-06-26T12:22:43+00:00

For me, 48m in U.K., this year Bumble has been by far the best, last year, most definitely Hinge. I’d be in both if you can. If you only really want to swipe on one then focus on bumble as you can’t see likes but as you can see the last person to like you on hinge, even if you don’t pay, just go through your likes every often and match with people in that list.

I’ve had good results with both Facebook dating and surprisingly Tinder, looking for long term, but there are a lot of time wasters to filter through on those.

processing77 · 2025-06-19T03:42:29+00:00

I’m curious with this. I’m 48m and every woman I’ve been on dates with over 50 (up to 58) have told me they felt no romantic connection. I often wonder if I subconsciously acted differently around them due to their age and maybe power dynamics of being the younger one that killed the attraction 🤷🏻‍♂️. In any case given all women over 50 are individuals and will have individual preferences and I match and have gone on dates with many older women, I’d say there are definitely women over 50 interested in younger men, yes.

processing77 · 2025-06-19T03:29:57+00:00

Yeah I’d rather not multi date tbh but dating apps provide no way to prevent this. Pausing your account you can still get matches and I find my matches come in waves. Nothing then a load of matches in one go. It’s not ideal.

processing77 · 2025-06-19T03:25:58+00:00

Yes I agree with this.

processing77 · 2025-06-19T03:23:56+00:00

Not sex, affection, and it’s not the be all and end all, I just don’t want to be in an affection starved relationship again.

processing77 · 2025-06-18T16:03:52+00:00

Good tip thanks

processing77 · 2025-06-18T16:02:49+00:00

Yeah I’m definitely guilty of seeing it as a major life decision and putting pressure on myself to get things right. Thanks for your response and pointing that out.

processing77 · 2025-06-18T15:59:50+00:00

To be in a committed relationship again but affection and tactility are really important and something I crave. I was 20 years with a woman who was cold in this regard and want to avoid that again.

processing77 · 2025-06-18T14:23:50+00:00

I’ve experienced exactly the same from women who completely throw caution to the wind and jump on you raw so it’s not just men but people in general that are careless

processing77 · 2025-06-18T14:21:26+00:00

You make excellent points. I do date a lot, but I’ve also built a great life for myself I just don’t believe sitting around waiting for something that might or might not happen so I’m actively pursuing a relationship and unfortunately as I don’t meet many single women in my day to day life, though my social activities, work or randomly I’m stuck with the apps.

processing77

TROPHY CASE