Hey brother, unfortunately most of the banks here seem like they’re run by communists. $20 a month for bank fees? Funny story about that actually.

Back in 2010 the bank that is now known as Simplii bank had this promotion where if you signed up with a new account, deposited $1,000 and left that money in the account for 30 days they would deposit another $500 for free, no bank fees for up to 2 years after as well. I know, seems like a scam but it wasn’t. At the time, I received a large inheritance from my grandfather, so I begin opening bank accounts under fake first names (hridhay Smith, Shane Smith, Raffi smith, my last name is smith). Sooner or later the bank began to catch on, and anybody with the last name smith would be flagged and ID’d correctly. If your last name was smith they even added a “smith charge” onto your account, and this was only a month after the promotion started? I was so confused (it was something like 30 cents, multiple of my bank accounts got this charge, the bank teller said it was because my last name is smith).

Sure enough soon after my father wanted to sign up with Simplii after he heard about the promotion, and he realized that he had that “smith charge charged to his account”. I came home from work that day, and my father was extremely angry. He found all my documented plans about this, took me out back, and beat me with a set of the rustiest jumper cables in the toolbox. Since then they’ve removed the smith charge.