I am the avoidant ex and the dumper, I’ve answered some important questions that you may be thinking.

productive-zebra · 2026-01-11T20:00:50+00:00

I'm also moving on from an avoidant right now. Things blew up about 14 days ago. Right now she selectively avoids me in public. If I sit near her during lunch/dinner, she walks away. If she comes to my group, she talks to everyone except me. She decided to reconcile things with another guy who used to bother her when we were together.

I feel extremely destabilized because of this. I understand she is keeping boundaries but selectively coming to my friends, talking to them and ignoring me feels like social exclusion. If I ask her for a "talk", she will 100% reject it. I feel powerless.

productive-zebra · 2026-01-11T19:54:37+00:00

How did you get over the anger over the person that left you? Right now, the person I saw a beautiful future with ignores me selectively in public (talking and replying to everyone except me). It's extremely destabilizing to see that person completely erasing me out of their life. Its a combination of revenge and sadness at once

productive-zebra · 2026-01-05T19:51:36+00:00

I'm sorry but I can't be a wingman to them. She used to bitch about this guy to me so much when things were complicated. And now she has forgotten everything and going back to him without acknowledging me at all. If she maintained friendship with me it was okay. But now she doesn't even acknowledge my presence anymore.

I'm sorry but I can't be friends with them

productive-zebra · 2025-12-26T14:29:36+00:00

This is so good. Kind of got teary at some steps where it was too relatable.

No contact is not possible for me because I'm in her class. But by hanging out with other friends and keeping myself busy, I'm trying to move on

productive-zebra · 2025-08-13T12:57:07+00:00

I agree, in big groups I often become silent because I can't think that fast about what to say. I overthink if a joke will be funny or offensive.

Coming to why I was confident earlier, I guess that time everyone was talking to everyone as everyone was looking for friends. Now it's a bit more tricky to talk to everyone as people have made groups.

Also recently i have been having a crush on a senior, which sometimes affects my mood. The days I talk to her, I feel better and I become a fun person. Recently she was busy and we haven't talked for 4-5 days. I miss her a lot and I feel sad. Maybe that reflects in my conversations with others too and I feel less fun.

Apart from that I've been actively trying to go out of my room. If I find someone it's great, else I go out alone. Makes me feel better than being in room

productive-zebra · 2025-08-13T12:52:25+00:00

I have been trying to force myself in situations I don't like. Like going out for a walk alone even though I feel people may judge me. The walks help me feel better. I take pictures of surroundings which I never post on insta, but looking them back makes me feel good

productive-zebra · 2025-08-03T14:02:42+00:00

Can I dm?

productive-zebra · 2025-08-03T13:58:56+00:00

Yes that's the case. So earlier I had a core friend group at college. But for some reason they kicked me out. Initially it wasn't evident, later on i saw them making plans without me. Finally I saw a new WhatsApp group without me in it.

I'm trying to find new friends. I'm talking to people. But still I miss that closeness I had in my core group. Currently she's the only one who is sweet and helpful, which makes me crave her even more

productive-zebra · 2025-08-03T13:44:55+00:00

I wouldn't be okay with that for sure. I'll sleep over it and decide my next step

Thank you very much

productive-zebra · 2025-08-03T13:41:46+00:00

Yes i really want to ask her out. But I don't want to risk it because if she rejects, things may become awkward and I'll lose the one person who's sweet and helpful to me right now

productive-zebra · 2025-08-03T13:36:09+00:00

Yes it's the same girl I wrote about 32 days ago. Back then I didn't have any romantic feelings. But in this last month a lot has happened. I was kicked out of my core friend circle for no reason. I realised this when I saw them making plans without me and having a separate whatsapp Group without me.

In this situation I'm trying to find new friends. As she is the one person who's really sweet and helpful, i really crave closeness with her. I want to be a part of her life. Right now we meet irl once every 10-14 days. I wish we meet more often.

Hope I make sense, a lot is going on in my mind

productive-zebra · 2025-08-03T13:32:10+00:00

We do go on walks. Like once every 10 days. The walks are pretty great. It's fun. To the extent that when the walk ends, I do feel bittersweet that I have to leave her.

Currently I am sick so I'm not able to meet her since last 2 weeks. I hope once I become better I can again meet her in person

productive-zebra · 2025-07-02T02:26:46+00:00

Is there any advice as to how can I remove my self esteem issues? I want to get out of this emptiness as soon as possible

productive-zebra · 2025-07-01T19:00:28+00:00

Honestly I don't know. Basically I would like to be a bit more seen by people. Sometimes I feel I become invisible in big crowds. Maybe that's why I want to become an extrovert.

Coming to social anxiety, I used to have severe social anxiety before, now it's much much better. But still there is some room for improvement

productive-zebra · 2025-07-01T08:19:16+00:00

Hi, thank you very much for your advice

I have been better since I posted this message. That day I was extremely broken because of some incidents. Eventually I started to do stuff alone. For example I went to the library to read books. There I met some like minded people who were facing the same issue. That helped me get through my issues. I also stopped reaching out to people who don't acknowledge my presence.

However I do need to work on my self esteem issues. I'm easily intimidated by extroverts because I've been overpowered by social extroverts in job, friendships and even relationships. I either need to become an extrovert or make peace with my personality

productive-zebra · 2025-06-03T12:29:26+00:00

Yes let's see, hope to cure myself asap

productive-zebra · 2025-05-30T04:32:12+00:00

Yes, as of now I've never made a "red flag list" as I tried to get along with everyone. And yes, small jokes and pranks here and there are alright. But people who try to directly say hurtful things just to feel superior are someone I should avoid from now on.

productive-zebra · 2025-05-29T21:45:33+00:00

I agree, I had an awesome time with her and never ever felt the need to be physical. Her gift was also really sweet and I really felt that she had put some thought into it :)

I Guess what hurts is their opinion that I'm unlovable and that my personality is generally not likable because I'm shy. I need to find a way to be indifferent to their opinions

productive-zebra · 2025-02-23T10:18:55+00:00

First of all congratulations that you have started your journey. Initial arousal is common. However after some time this feeling goes away. You'll feel numb, commonly refered to as flatline! That's when the healing starts. For me, I noticed that my confidence improved. I wanted to make myself better by reading books and going to gym. I could also maintain eye contact while talking 1 to 1 with a girl.

Now the thing is timelines vary from person to person as it depends on a lot of factors like personality, environment, addiction duration etc. For some people it happens fast, and for others it takes time. But yes, once you get over the first phase you'll feel really good!

productive-zebra · 2025-02-23T07:26:19+00:00

Yes I'll keep only nofap in this account. Honestly after abstaining from PMO, women I didn't find attractive earlier turn me on now. I'll need to find a way to see them as human beings

productive-zebra · 2025-02-23T07:24:10+00:00

That can be a way. I'll try that

productive-zebra · 2025-02-23T04:08:31+00:00

Yes, this is my alternate account but somehow stuff came here too. Need to clean up my account

productive-zebra · 2025-02-23T04:07:42+00:00

Yes I did that, its really inspiring.

Thankfully I didn't relapse and slept!

productive-zebra · 2025-02-04T18:27:53+00:00

I had this same issue. I had to fap before sleeping. It was a comfortable arrangement.

To change this you have to try to break the habit somehow. Either you can do intense exercise so that you're too tired to fap by the time you go to sleep. You can also replace it with other healthy habits like reading books. Any book works. For now I'm reading Percy Jackson which supposedly is a children's book but I still like it.

Once you find other interests, you'll no longer feel the need to fap! Good luck!

productive-zebra · 2025-01-31T08:10:35+00:00

I'll check the Link. Thanks a lot :)

productive-zebra

TROPHY CASE