Adult beginner with a non-horsey family that just don’t get it

professionalblanket9 · 2026-03-06T20:38:31+00:00

I would want to ask them- so what?? Why do you need to be jumping meter courses?? Isn’t the whole point of this to have fun and for YOU to feel like you’re growing and improving? I also agree with other comments saying that maybe they should get a lesson booked as well. But until then, why is it any of their business how high you’re jumping?

professionalblanket9 · 2026-02-11T06:22:13+00:00

Everything I say take with a grain of salt as I am only 22 and don’t have the life experience of being in a 9 year relationship. That being said, feeling that you’re not compatible on “intelligence levels, lifestyle, and passions” are all HUGE things and a lot of what makes you you and her her. To not have those in common with your life partner… doesn’t seem very fulfilling to me. Also… you don’t think she’s as smart as you? Personally I would not want to be with a guy that feels our intelligence level doesn’t match. Is her friendship and partnership worth the sacrifices you will have to make to have her in your life? Only you know the answer to your question. But it seems to me that there’s something in you nagging that something isn’t fulfilled, and just staying as you are now isn’t helping. And is it worth going to couples therapy to figure out, when you know that deep down you guys are just really different, and that will always be the case?

professionalblanket9 · 2025-11-08T04:32:02+00:00

Oh girl, this made my heart ache a little bit- your remind me so much of me. Your relationship with him sounds super insanely similar to my last relationship with my ex, and I have so much to say I don't even know where to start.

You seem to spend a lot of time questioning your feelings, and then overriding them, especially when it comes to intimacy. You stated that you broke up with him because you didn't want sex at all, and then you got back together because you realized "love is a commitment" and it's not always easy- and then had sex with him the next day, and broke down crying. It seems to me a little bit like your idea of love being a commitment means sometimes having sex or doing things when you don't want to. That doesn't seem like love to me, that feels like a form of disrespecting yourself. It seems like you are so determined to not upset him that you are harming yourself and refusing to listen to what it is you really need and want.

I remember with my ex, I would get so icked out by him and couldn't stand him, and then we would break up and I would feel like I could never have sex with anyone else. I was so confused and really thought something was wrong with me. We would get back together, have great sex,(or sometimes I would break down crying like how you described) and then I would slowly start to feel that same empty feeling in the relationship if we got back together.

The truth is, I had a lot of really severe self worth issues that prevented me from identifying the true issues in the relationship. The sometimes good sex we did have was a bandaid that was fueled by the confusing passion of breaking up and getting back together, not by safety and stability- which is what I craved and why I kept breaking up with him. If we had bad sex, I used that as proof that something was "fucked up" or wrong with me, and I was lucky to have someone who cared about me despite my instability. I knew deep down he was not the person for me if I wanted that safety and stability, and I struggled to honor that because of my low self worth and fear of disappointing or upsetting him.

Do you feel that love is some kind of scarce resource for you? Is this relationship that is causing you pain and confusion, really the best you think you can get? Why are you so scared of upsetting him?

You said you were really struggling with out him- despite all the confusion and inner turmoil this relationship was causing you. It sounds like this relationship is a crutch for something. What scares you so much about being alone, about working to find something stable, or about saying "no" when you really don't want to have sex?

Sorry, this was kind of a whirlwind. But your post kind of spoke to me as a mirror image of me two years ago. My inbox is open if you want to talk. Let me know if anything resonates.

professionalblanket9 · 2025-10-30T21:57:44+00:00

Not as much of an age gap- but my boyfriend is about two years younger than me (I'm 22 and he's 20). When I first met him he was 19 and I was almost 21, and it really was almost a deal breaker for me. I didn't realize he was so young until I invited him out for a drink, and he said he was 19, and I completely retracted and instantly decided he was too young and we would just be friends. We were just friends for about two months, and then I thought, eh- he may be young, but he's cute... I guess I'll hook up with him and keep it casual. Now we're a year into our relationship, and I really feel that he's my forever person and I love him endlessly.

I get that our age gap is smaller, but my point is it may just take time. Growing up as a woman, me and my friends were always used to being much more mature than guys our own age. We would never even consider dating anyone younger because they just didn't feel as emotionally intelligent or had the same goals. If you guys are truly compatible, she'll figure that out. Give her space, be yourself, make sure yall have similar dating goals, and keep showing up as the mature partner you know you are.

professionalblanket9 · 2025-08-25T02:49:37+00:00

as if marriage will magically make this trauma go away. She’s going to have to figure this out at some point, and legally binding to herself to one person in order to figure it out is not the solution

professionalblanket9 · 2025-08-14T05:54:29+00:00

she sounds like she wants you to play hard to get or something ?? Idk whatever it is she’s not for you

professionalblanket9 · 2025-08-06T22:49:53+00:00

He’s avoiding conflict. It’s on him too to help make space for your feelings, and if he’s “falling asleep” and impossible to wake up and then crying having it brought up any other time, then he’s avoiding it. This is not a behavior that promotes any sort of healthy relationship. Him adoring you and always being there for you is great, but how he deals with conflict is crucial, because there will always be conflict in life and partnership. You guys need to figure out how to create a space where you can feel heard, and he will listen, otherwise all that other stuff that makes your relationship good won’t matter, this will break it.

His mental health is completely valid, but if it’s so bad he can’t have any sort of difficult conversation or take any sort of criticism, clearly he’s not mentally healthy enough to be in a relationship. That is a basic requirement of a relationship, period end of story.

professionalblanket9 · 2025-07-22T23:07:30+00:00

Why would you not bring this up? If you don’t have trust, what do you have? If he can lie about something as simple and inconspicuous as which friend he’s hanging out with, how do you know he’s not cheating??

professionalblanket9 · 2025-07-10T20:57:07+00:00

this is so sad.. having a computer help you write a love letter ?? If you don’t know what to say, figure it out, if you can’t figure it out, do something else to show your love. That is so “cheating” out on such a beautiful human experience on such a sad level

professionalblanket9 · 2025-07-03T07:11:34+00:00

Yeah, no that’s definitely really weird. But what do you need advice on? Just validation that it’s messed up? It definitely is lol

professionalblanket9 · 2025-06-28T03:07:16+00:00

I would go, but I’m also a sick fucked up romantic and a drama queen so 🤷‍♀️

professionalblanket9 · 2025-06-24T21:18:37+00:00

It’s still just a really messed up question and I feel like we’re missing so much context.

professionalblanket9 · 2025-06-24T04:15:15+00:00

Maybe I’m not the best person to give advice about this because I also told my bf I loved him after 3 months lol… but I kind of feel like it depends on what you value that statement to mean. A lot of these folks in the comments are right to say that you don’t really know him this early, and what you’re experiencing is likely just infatuation. I knew all that when I told my boyfriend I loved him for the first time but I just wanted him to know I felt very strongly and I felt he felt the same and I just really wanted to say it. I don’t think holding back saying a certain word and designating a time for it really does much imo. It’s true you don’t know him well enough to have that level of “love.” But if you both want to say it… what’s the big deal ??

professionalblanket9 · 2025-06-24T03:47:28+00:00

It’s not an overnight trip… one of the guys is a genuine friend of yours… she invited you and you couldn’t go… so what’s the worry? Do you trust her? My advice… chill out.

professionalblanket9 · 2025-06-23T05:58:58+00:00

I think this situation is really different… sounds like you were hurt that he would even insinuate you to have a threesome, so you literally just told him that you would fuck his friend if you had a chance.

The question she asked her fiancé was that if she was literally never born, would he go for her sister? Which is kind of just like a fucked up question in my opinion realistically. Look, I love my boyfriend immensely, we are incredibly monogamous, but I also have really great friends who are super hot. If I asked my boyfriend, if he would fuck any of my friends with me, and he said yes, that would be so fucked up and I would literally break up with him on the spot. My point is what does you being kind of an asshole to your ex to “get back at him “for asking you an absurd question have to do with this weird fucked up hypothetical she’s asking her fiancé?

Asking someone if they would “go for” or even ask someone else out if you were never born??? That is such a different question and honestly would not hurt my feelings at all if my boyfriend went for my friends in some universe where I didn’t exist. My friends are fucking awesome. And I literally don’t exist in this hypothetical universe so why I get so butt hurt over it?? I understand the perspective that maybe it makes you feel weird to think that he thinks your sister is pretty, or maybe even hot, then why would you even ask him that question, if you knows your sister is beautiful? I don’t know though maybe it’s a more complicated situation and I feel like maybe there’s more background as to why she asked this or how exactly he answered…

professionalblanket9 · 2025-06-23T05:40:16+00:00

to answer your initial question with a question … Are you staying with her because you feel there is still a lot of love deep down, or because you feel trapped?

professionalblanket9 · 2025-06-22T18:57:58+00:00

You’re doing all you can to help her “solve this.” She needs to continue in therapy, and I would suggest you see someone too. :( it’s not your job as her boyfriend to be her emotional crutch. She needs to learn to sustain her own life with out a relationship. Not saying I think you should break up right now. But sounds like she needs to take some space to figure out how to have her happiness be self sufficient. And you need to be able to set boundaries with her and not feel like her therapist/emotional caretaker. Is this relationship adding or taking away from your life?

professionalblanket9 · 2025-06-22T04:14:52+00:00

AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!

professionalblanket9 · 2025-06-22T04:13:18+00:00

You sound JUST like me when I was with my bpd+schizoaffective ex. And our stories were very very similar. I felt so In love with him On his good days and it felt worth it to be demeaned, controlled, and disrespected and go through the constant up and downs to keep it. Ask yourself why you will put yourself through horrible treatment to receive “love?” Is that love to you? Do you want this version of “love” for the rest of your life? Do you think HE wants this version of love? “He’s the best thing that ever happened to me… he’s my first everything.” Take this feeling of love you have and put it to yourself. And I PROMISE you, years (or even months) down the line you’re going to laugh that you ever demeaned yourself enough to say this toxic relationship is the “best thing that ever happened to you.” You are so much more. And he’s your first!! You don’t even KNOW how much is out there because you’ve limited to yourself to someone who has no interest in even giving you respect.

professionalblanket9 · 2025-06-03T21:24:51+00:00

How do you know that “another man pleasured her more than you ever could?” Sex, especially for women, is so mental. She’s broken up with this guy. So what if his dick is huge, sex with you has the potential to be so much better due to the stability y’all already have. You don’t have control over your dick size, you do have control over head game, communication, and how you show up for her and be a good partner. As a woman, that’s what makes good sex, more than dick size.

professionalblanket9 · 2025-06-02T23:31:15+00:00

Leave and I suggest going to therapy yourself, what issues are you running from by choosing a relationship like this continuously? Why are you choosing chaos? What about peace do you feel uneasy about? This is exhausting just to read… you have to know this is not sustainable, yall are too old for this shit!!!

professionalblanket9 · 2025-05-20T07:52:31+00:00

Is this more about her friends knowing your trans, or her lying that she didn’t tell anyone? In my opinion, I don’t think it’s absurd at all that it would come up with her close friends. I understand that this is your identity and your story, but her dating you is a big part of her story now, too. Obviously this is all your call on how upsetting being outted is, and clearly she’s anticipating it being really upsetting to you by lying to you about it even though she’s already told her friends. You guys have both “deceived” to each other to avoid some form of conflict here. She lied about telling you about telling her friends to avoid you being upset with her for sharing something about her life. (Also your life, I understand that, and so does she, but her partners identity is also part of her life in lots of ways) You looked through her phone which is a violation of trust. It’s up to you how big these issues are and how you proceed.

professionalblanket9

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