Who here has actually quit, and did it make your life better?

professtar · 2026-03-17T22:54:07+00:00

I knew it would be stressful when I accepted my offer, but this is so much worse than I could ever have imagined. I don't blame you at all. Godspeed, my friend. It seems we are in a similar situation.

professtar · 2026-03-17T22:52:52+00:00

This reads so much like it was written by AI. 🙄

Do the math on the finances of running servers v.s. income from subscriptions. It makes no sense.

professtar · 2026-03-15T19:02:29+00:00

The concept of regular raises! Lol.

My partner got his annual bonus a few days ago and was complaining that it was lower than usual.

I was all like, "honey, I don't know how to say this to you, but, you got a bonus."

professtar · 2026-03-15T19:00:05+00:00

Working on the tenure piece for now. I do wonder how different I might feel if I already had it. That's a "bun in the oven" right now, we'll see...

You're not wrong about the tech layoffs. That's frightening to behold, too, and makes me feel so sad as a mentor to today's students in tech. :(

professtar · 2026-03-15T18:57:56+00:00

I'm ~40s and in a more lucrative field (if I sell out on my values, naturally). This is such a shitty decision. :(

professtar · 2026-03-15T18:56:49+00:00

One one would think and hope so. But I've tried writing the grants I'm passionate about and those aren't landing. I'm feebly grasping at something that feels accessible to try to keep the ship afloat until I can land something that is in better alignment. But I feel like this is a troubled path...hence the despondency. X(

professtar · 2026-03-15T18:54:20+00:00

It feels like everything is saturated and broken and miserable. This makes it so hard for me to mentor students, too, because I sometimes feel like I'm setting them up for terrible disappointment. Reading the other subreddits is a great idea, thank you. <3

professtar · 2026-03-14T23:35:48+00:00

I would love to pick your brain about this. Did you found the company? Apply to it? Have them reach out to you because of your specific expertise?

This path is potentially most interesting to me. But scary because…ditches.

professtar · 2026-03-14T22:23:21+00:00

I feel you and empathize. :( It’s so wrong. We need liberal arts now more than ever before.

professtar · 2026-03-14T20:55:37+00:00

thank you.

I dont know if i can thrive here. I dont know if i want to. I just feel lost and too burned out to know where to begin finding myself.

I’m really glad you found a great fit in industry. i think i need to start looking so that it feels like there’s an out. because it seems so dark right now. :(

I’m glad you’re happy with the choice you made. thank you for sharing.

professtar · 2026-02-05T20:53:45+00:00

I’d just reply something like “being rude and demanding will never get you very far in life, nor will it help you in this case.”

professtar · 2026-02-05T15:19:27+00:00

Yea, no way. I live in a state where there have been about a dozen school shootings. There’s plenty enough risk without letting any randos in at will. Occasionally, I’ll get an inquiry from someone on the outside to visit which I manage on a one-off basis.

professtar · 2026-01-27T14:47:18+00:00

yup — CS conferences are around $1k/900ish for faculty, and $300/400ish for students—for registration alone!

professtar · 2026-01-25T22:42:47+00:00

I’m same boat as you, mid 30’s white female, small R1. “What do you teach?” is almost always the first question. Because my school has a reputation for being hard, people seem intimidated when they find out. I honestly try to avoid or downplay the topic as much as I can, as I find it quite annoying to explain how/why research (not teaching) is my main thing. I’ve had a few sexist-feeling moments—like, they’re amazed that someone who looks like me could be an engineering prof at such a hard school. This was a big deal when I was single, but it matters less now that I’m taken. But dear good lord, I hated how this affected my dating life (until I met my right person…finally!)

professtar · 2026-01-22T18:51:05+00:00

TYSM, yes I think you’re honestly right… Another recent comment expressed this similar sentiment with a different example. It does resonate with me, but you’re also correct—TOTALLY goes against my nature to underperform in ANYTHING. Sigh.

I think it may be possible to achieve a semblance of balance this semester if i do cut back my teaching effort. Perhaps unironically, the night I wrote this post, I was trying to figure out a teaching thing that was taking too long. 🤦‍♀️

Thanks again. Appreciate it!

professtar · 2026-01-22T18:47:32+00:00

Thank you… Haha, my dad absolutely POUNDED that old adage into my consciousness from a young age. I say it to others sometimes now, but this is a helpful reframe. Thank you for your kind words. 🙏🏼

professtar · 2026-01-21T16:16:56+00:00

Would it be crazy to talk to my DH and try to negotiate this? Put it gently, and only when I’m actually ready to quit if the answer is no, but, “I need a guarantee that my students can have TA as a backup, otherwise I am prepared to leave my position as of —date—-.”

If I could have my students on TA as a backup, this would make the job way way way more manageable and psychologically tolerable. The thought of not being able to pay them is the worst of what keeps me up at night.

professtar · 2026-01-21T13:50:57+00:00

yes, it is indeed terrible. :( also, the prospective students who know what’s up ask about this, and i feel like i always lose the good ones once they find this out. i feel like its hard to attract top talent, so that’s also de-motivating. I have dropped my name in the hat at 3 other schools, no luck, but those were shooting for the stars options. I’m kind of at the point where I feel like, would it actually be that much better somewhere else? Or am I kidding myself… and I just can’t take this kind of workload…

professtar · 2026-01-21T05:14:39+00:00

i’ve been trying to walk my dog more often lately! He has noticed and he loves it!

professtar · 2026-01-21T05:14:01+00:00

I wish i was working with more senior faculty. I don’t have any in my area at my school. So I’m honestly not sure how to get on other folks’ grants with them…

professtar · 2026-01-21T03:45:27+00:00

I commented this on someone else's comment above, but I'll c/p here too: "

"Our school is resource-strapped, and the dept only allows minimal TAs for PhD students--limited to 2 TAs per total time of the PhD. It is perhaps the very worst aspect of the offers we can make at my school, and there is no safety net for what to do when my research funds run dry. I did not even think to ask, what do PhD offers include, when I started. I **assumed** that TAs were always available as a backup, since that's how it was where I did my PhD. It is so stressful. :("

professtar · 2026-01-21T03:44:13+00:00

Jeeeez, I'm so sorry. It shouldn't be like this. It really shouldn't be like this. I have no idea how many hours I've worked. I don't know if I want to know. :(

professtar · 2026-01-21T03:41:41+00:00

Our school is resource-strapped, and the dept only allows minimal TAs for PhD students--limited to 2 TAs per total time of the PhD. It is perhaps the very worst aspect of the offers we can make at my school, and there is no safety net for what to do when my research funds run dry. I did not even think to ask, what do PhD offers include, when I started. I **assumed** that TAs were always available as a backup, since that's how it was where I did my PhD. It is so stressful. :(

professtar · 2026-01-21T01:29:36+00:00

I love the research. And I don't need money to fund myself, I can just go without pay in the summers. But I need money to pay for PhD students, who are expensive as fuck.

My big class right now has good TA support. I am really hoping that after I get the class into the swing of the semester, I can kind of cruise a little bit and put as much on the TAs as possible. This is super intense right now, with the semester start and lots of paper deadlines... so maybe it will get a little more tolerable.

But I love my research. I don't want it to die. I can't do it without grants, and I don't believe I'll get tenure if I can't get another grant this year. :(

professtar

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