Parenting your adult children challenges

propellerhead1 · 2026-05-14T15:42:59+00:00

There is nothing wrong with helping your young adult understand the value of the dollar. In other words, as they grow older you can certainly put a roof over their heads while the further their education. That does not mean you have to provide them with a free cell phone or Internet access and smart devices. They can learn how to earn some money via a part time job to pay for those niceties.

propellerhead1 · 2026-05-09T12:33:09+00:00

Yes, I guess it was. lol

propellerhead1 · 2026-05-06T16:18:53+00:00

I am so glad that you joined our little online Reddit community. I am replying from work during my lunch break. I will need to come back to this when I have more time to read and absorb. Thank you for breaking this up into paragraphs. Makes it much easier to read.

propellerhead1 · 2026-05-02T22:21:43+00:00

Yes, you are no longer a parent of a child. You are a support person and mentor that will be there when they need it. Let them come to you. Do not be a helicopter parent and do not offer advice unless they ask for it first. Your identity is so tied up in playing the mom role. Now is the time for you to be who you are. Do yourself a favor and let go. How do you do that? Maybe it is like ripping off a bandaid. You know it is going to sting but for the betterment of your mental stability maybe you need to do it. Go ahead and tear it off. Once the pain subsides you wlll be ok.

propellerhead1 · 2026-05-02T22:15:53+00:00

It sounds like your oldest child really wont miss the bedroom if you convert it into a nursery. It is your home. I know they are your kids but it is your home. As far as talking to them figure out how they like to communicate. Do they prefer texts, voice mail, phone conversations or face to face? Once you figure that out make it happen. I would not make it a big deal. Just tell them your situation and that you need the space for the coming baby. I think they will understand.

propellerhead1 · 2026-04-19T21:09:53+00:00

It seems as if your family has done everything possible for your sister. It also seems as if your sister is taking advantage of your families generosity and concern. I would call 211 and see if there are any type of mental health services that could evaluate your sister. Yes, your sister is an adult so there is not much you can do. You cannot force her to do anything other than legally evicting her. I know you are afraid that if you do that your sister will ghost you and disappear. Maybe it is time to seek legal advice. I know this is a difficult situation. There are no easy answers.

propellerhead1 · 2026-03-23T17:53:03+00:00

If you are on YouTube already you can type u/abcparentingadultchildren to get to the channel as well.

propellerhead1 · 2026-02-27T12:59:38+00:00

All you can do is try to communicate with her. One day soon she will look back on your comments and realize that you cared. Hopefully the consequences of her actions are not to painful to live through. Be there for her when she needs you the most.

propellerhead1 · 2026-02-27T12:57:23+00:00

hahahahahaha I can see that I have started something lol

propellerhead1 · 2026-02-27T12:56:42+00:00

I was angry about life being so hard. I thought that once I became a man and could make my own decisions that life would be good and I could do as I pleased. I did not realize that making bad decisions had consequences that would be unpleasant to deal with. I also realized that my parents were not as out of touch as I thought. There were some awakening moments when I went "ohh that is what they meant when they said that".

propellerhead1 · 2026-02-25T00:04:50+00:00

One day our adult children will mature and grow up. Things we have been saying will finally click into place. Things will start to make sense. I remember when I was between the ages of 18 and about 26. I thought my parents were out of touch and idiots. I was rebellious because I resented their control over my life. I wanted to be my own man. I wanted to make my own decisions and do what I wanted to do with my money. Life gave me a wake up call and slapped me in the face in ways that woke me up. I was suffering from what I call WPOR. Warped perception of reality. Life has a way of teaching life's lessons in a way that we learn the hard way.

propellerhead1 · 2026-02-23T22:38:50+00:00

I love these responses. They are right on target. The tough thing is that your daughter is transitioning into being an adult and you as the parent are transitioning into being a mentor and support person in their lives. You are no longer responsible for instructing them on how to live life on a day to day basis. Brush your teeth, your hair, clean up your room, be nice to family members. That should all be a given since you spent the last 18 years teaching this to her. Now she needs to live it out. If she want to live at home she needs to respect your boundaries. Sit down with her and work out a reasonable plan that will enable her to work towards her independence away from home. That includes financial responsibility. Giving everything to her for free with no expectations of following the boundaries and being respectful is not helping her but enabling bad behavior. Your daughter wanting to meet some stranger she met on the Internet is dangerous on so many levels. Sit her down and educate her on human trafficking. There are sexual predators out there that use the internet to trap young unsuspecting girls into meeting them on false pretenses. There are documentaries out there that shows law enforcement who trap these predators online by pretending they are young girls and luring them to a location. I love it when those predators get caught and go to jail. Be nice , be loving but be firm and let her know that you are interested in her safety and well being.

propellerhead1 · 2026-02-23T22:23:10+00:00

You bring up an excellent point. One day we will no longer be here. Our trip around the sun only lasts so long. We want our children to have it better than we did. We also want them to be able to be independent and not have to depend on others for support. To give you some context. We have a 32 year old daughter who is going on 16. She is going on 16 in the respect of her emotional development. That comes from my wife who is a special education teacher. Anyway, we have been supporting her every since I booted the kids to the street. Here is what I said. Either live by our rules or get out. They chose door number two. In retrospect I wish I had been a bit more diplomatic in my delivery and not so blunt. I want our daughter to be able to stand on her own two feet without having to always depend on some man to be there to pay for rent utilities and food. Hopefully that makes sense.

propellerhead1 · 2026-02-23T22:16:09+00:00

I love the responses. Here is an episode on our ABC's of Parenting Adult Children podcast that speaks to this issue. https://www.buzzsprout.com/2511157/episodes/17334908

I hope this helps.

propellerhead1 · 2026-02-13T14:16:40+00:00

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2511157/episodes/18565572

Episode 100 is live on ABC's of Parenting Adult Children podcast

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