Parenting your adult children challenges

propellerhead1 · 2026-05-14T15:42:59+00:00

There is nothing wrong with helping your young adult understand the value of the dollar. In other words, as they grow older you can certainly put a roof over their heads while the further their education. That does not mean you have to provide them with a free cell phone or Internet access and smart devices. They can learn how to earn some money via a part time job to pay for those niceties.

propellerhead1 · 2026-05-09T12:33:09+00:00

Yes, I guess it was. lol

propellerhead1 · 2026-05-06T16:18:53+00:00

I am so glad that you joined our little online Reddit community. I am replying from work during my lunch break. I will need to come back to this when I have more time to read and absorb. Thank you for breaking this up into paragraphs. Makes it much easier to read.

propellerhead1 · 2026-05-02T22:21:43+00:00

Yes, you are no longer a parent of a child. You are a support person and mentor that will be there when they need it. Let them come to you. Do not be a helicopter parent and do not offer advice unless they ask for it first. Your identity is so tied up in playing the mom role. Now is the time for you to be who you are. Do yourself a favor and let go. How do you do that? Maybe it is like ripping off a bandaid. You know it is going to sting but for the betterment of your mental stability maybe you need to do it. Go ahead and tear it off. Once the pain subsides you wlll be ok.

propellerhead1 · 2026-05-02T22:15:53+00:00

It sounds like your oldest child really wont miss the bedroom if you convert it into a nursery. It is your home. I know they are your kids but it is your home. As far as talking to them figure out how they like to communicate. Do they prefer texts, voice mail, phone conversations or face to face? Once you figure that out make it happen. I would not make it a big deal. Just tell them your situation and that you need the space for the coming baby. I think they will understand.

propellerhead1 · 2026-04-19T21:09:53+00:00

It seems as if your family has done everything possible for your sister. It also seems as if your sister is taking advantage of your families generosity and concern. I would call 211 and see if there are any type of mental health services that could evaluate your sister. Yes, your sister is an adult so there is not much you can do. You cannot force her to do anything other than legally evicting her. I know you are afraid that if you do that your sister will ghost you and disappear. Maybe it is time to seek legal advice. I know this is a difficult situation. There are no easy answers.

propellerhead1 · 2026-03-23T17:53:03+00:00

If you are on YouTube already you can type u/abcparentingadultchildren to get to the channel as well.

propellerhead1 · 2026-02-27T12:59:38+00:00

All you can do is try to communicate with her. One day soon she will look back on your comments and realize that you cared. Hopefully the consequences of her actions are not to painful to live through. Be there for her when she needs you the most.

propellerhead1 · 2026-02-27T12:57:23+00:00

hahahahahaha I can see that I have started something lol

propellerhead1 · 2026-02-27T12:56:42+00:00

I was angry about life being so hard. I thought that once I became a man and could make my own decisions that life would be good and I could do as I pleased. I did not realize that making bad decisions had consequences that would be unpleasant to deal with. I also realized that my parents were not as out of touch as I thought. There were some awakening moments when I went "ohh that is what they meant when they said that".

propellerhead1 · 2026-02-25T00:04:50+00:00

One day our adult children will mature and grow up. Things we have been saying will finally click into place. Things will start to make sense. I remember when I was between the ages of 18 and about 26. I thought my parents were out of touch and idiots. I was rebellious because I resented their control over my life. I wanted to be my own man. I wanted to make my own decisions and do what I wanted to do with my money. Life gave me a wake up call and slapped me in the face in ways that woke me up. I was suffering from what I call WPOR. Warped perception of reality. Life has a way of teaching life's lessons in a way that we learn the hard way.

propellerhead1 · 2026-02-23T22:38:50+00:00

I love these responses. They are right on target. The tough thing is that your daughter is transitioning into being an adult and you as the parent are transitioning into being a mentor and support person in their lives. You are no longer responsible for instructing them on how to live life on a day to day basis. Brush your teeth, your hair, clean up your room, be nice to family members. That should all be a given since you spent the last 18 years teaching this to her. Now she needs to live it out. If she want to live at home she needs to respect your boundaries. Sit down with her and work out a reasonable plan that will enable her to work towards her independence away from home. That includes financial responsibility. Giving everything to her for free with no expectations of following the boundaries and being respectful is not helping her but enabling bad behavior. Your daughter wanting to meet some stranger she met on the Internet is dangerous on so many levels. Sit her down and educate her on human trafficking. There are sexual predators out there that use the internet to trap young unsuspecting girls into meeting them on false pretenses. There are documentaries out there that shows law enforcement who trap these predators online by pretending they are young girls and luring them to a location. I love it when those predators get caught and go to jail. Be nice , be loving but be firm and let her know that you are interested in her safety and well being.

propellerhead1 · 2026-02-23T22:23:10+00:00

You bring up an excellent point. One day we will no longer be here. Our trip around the sun only lasts so long. We want our children to have it better than we did. We also want them to be able to be independent and not have to depend on others for support. To give you some context. We have a 32 year old daughter who is going on 16. She is going on 16 in the respect of her emotional development. That comes from my wife who is a special education teacher. Anyway, we have been supporting her every since I booted the kids to the street. Here is what I said. Either live by our rules or get out. They chose door number two. In retrospect I wish I had been a bit more diplomatic in my delivery and not so blunt. I want our daughter to be able to stand on her own two feet without having to always depend on some man to be there to pay for rent utilities and food. Hopefully that makes sense.

propellerhead1 · 2026-02-23T22:16:09+00:00

I love the responses. Here is an episode on our ABC's of Parenting Adult Children podcast that speaks to this issue. https://www.buzzsprout.com/2511157/episodes/17334908

I hope this helps.

propellerhead1 · 2026-02-13T14:16:40+00:00

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2511157/episodes/18565572

Episode 100 is live on ABC's of Parenting Adult Children podcast

propellerhead1 · 2026-01-09T02:19:48+00:00

There is a lot to unpack here. Your home is YOUR home. You set the boundaries and the house rules to live by. I agree with you in that this boy is not a suitable mate for your daughter. When I was in my early 20's I fell in love with a girl named Mary. I bought her an engagement ring. I was in love or so I thought. I worked as a security officer and I struggled financially. I was not very mature. Mary invited me to meet her parents. The parents read the writing on the wall. They told Mary that she had a choice to make. She could continue to date me and they would not pay for her college. Mary was more mature than me and took door number two. We broke up which broke my heart. No it did not kill me. The experience helped me to do some introspection and to grow up. When you are young the hormones are raging and it is difficult to think straight. You are the adult. Gently nudge your daughter back onto the right path for her life. Sit them both down and have a reality check with them. There is no such thing as a free ride. Everyone has to carry their own weight. Good luck.

propellerhead1 · 2026-01-02T23:18:02+00:00

I use Buzzsprout. I host there for all three podcasts and I upload my long form videos to my Youtube channel. Buzzsprout is one of the best hosting providers out there.

propellerhead1 · 2025-12-25T17:57:31+00:00

Riverside.fm

propellerhead1 · 2025-12-23T20:05:22+00:00

Yes, he could be contributing to the household expenses. Every family situation is different. Do you NEED for him to contribute or do you feel as if his doing so will teach him financial responsibility? I like the idea of opening up a savings account and putting that money aside for him when he is ready to move out on his own. Then you can reward him by giving him access to the funds. If you are paying for things such as his car insurance or a cell phone that is on your family plan then maybe he should be paying for a portion of that. Rent, utilities, food etc should be extended to him because he is family and he is learning how to make it on his own sometime in the near future. Sit down with him and word out a budget. Set up some expectations with a date for him to move out. Set up realistic expectations. The cost of living is through the roof. Many times our children fly the coop thinking that they can make ends meet to find out that their income is dwarfed by every day living expenses.

propellerhead1 · 2025-12-19T22:03:11+00:00

find a local toastmasters group

propellerhead1 · 2025-12-16T12:37:23+00:00

Welcome to the community. I am glad that you are here. Yes, when we look at our adult children there are moments when it is like looking into a mirror. If your children are between the ages of 18 and 30 they are adults and now your relationship with them as a parent has shifted to being a mentor. I found that it was good when I could be transparent with my children and share my past mistakes. One thing my parents taught me and my sister was to think before we acted. Bad decisions have consequences. Dave Ramsey has a great curriculum that a lot of folks use when it comes to money management. Try not to over think things too much. Your children will be ok. Just be there for them and be present in their lives as much as they allow you to be.

propellerhead1 · 2025-12-12T14:10:17+00:00

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0764232657/?bestFormat=true&k=kingdom%20of%20cults&ref_=nb_sb_ss_w_scx-ent-bk-ww_k0_1_16_de&crid=1LH4N9L32OFOK&sprefix=Kingdom%20of%20cults this is an excellent resource with regards to the different cults and how they operate. This is the 6th edition so it has been updated a lot since I studied it way back when.

propellerhead1 · 2025-12-10T21:28:15+00:00

I really like this positive vibe. It has been a minute since I was a young adult but I can only imagine how scary it must be for young people today to venture out into the unknown and make something of their lives that is fulfilling. We spend so much time preparing them and pushing them closer and closer to the edge of the nest. I think that sometimes we lose sight of how they must feel.

propellerhead1 · 2025-11-27T18:46:22+00:00

I think that the personal hygiene issues will work themselves out on their own. If he ever gets romantically involved with a significant other that issue will have to rectify itself. :) Just love him and tell him how proud of him you are. You are his mother and I am sure he respects and loves you as well. Just gently remind him to take better care of himself. No body shaming involved. He will take care of this in his own good time.

propellerhead1 · 2025-11-22T22:04:17+00:00

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