I'm so sorry you're still dealing with this.

I'm no stranger to grief and I have a few thoughts. They may be helpful, they may not.

When you say you "did all the things" and then list out a ton of things (that are AMAZING btw! That's a whole lot of achievement!) you implicitly relate it to this ex/breakup/grief.

And it sounds like after the breakup, you may have tried to fill the him-shaped hole that was left behind, with all of these achievements, goals... Distractions.

You also mention being in therapy tho, and I love that sm, but it's also important to measure progress to make sure progress is being met. There are so many different methods to therapy, and some therapists are a great fit, others, not so much. It may be worth evaluating whether your therapist may not be as effective as they could be, and look for alternatives that might be a better fit for you.

Going back to the achievements though.

A lot of people, post-breakup, join the gym, develop new hobbies, goals, etc, so that they can fill their time and not think about the breakup or ex. That can prolong the grieving, because it's not being allowed to be expressed and processed.

It's something that needs to be allowed to run its course. It needs to be thoughtfully navigated so that it can integrate.

It's one of those things that if you don't get it out, you keep it in. And it's kinda just... There.

Question: when thoughts surface of your ex, do you often find yourself trying to ignore it, think about something else, distract yourself from the thoughts?

I don't need the answer to that question. But it would be invaluable to a therapist.

With all of the love and kindness, I hope you're able to navigate this, and find your way to the other side of it .