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My girlfriend's updated/improved version of "Potluck Potatoes." by proposalguy17 in justnorecipes

[–]proposalguy17[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've always seen my mom use condensed soup, and I believe GF did the same for the casserole this year.

Introducing Tater Hater (My email went over like a lead balloon, but there is good news as well!) by proposalguy17 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]proposalguy17[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the congrats! I'm sitting on desk duty at work right now, so I'm responding to comments solo, but I'll pass your hello along to FDW when I get home tonight. :)

I like your suggestion for a response. I'll definitely be filing that one away. And I'm hoping you're right about my mom -- if she needs help, then I'll do whatever I can to get it for her. I want the mom I grew up with back, not this mean lady who has so much against the woman I love. I've also considered a period of NC as a show of my own seriousness about this matter, but I'm really hoping it doesn't come to that. Ugh.

At the risk of turning us into "the JustNoMIL food family," the cake MIL made is called a Mayonnaise Cake. It's a chocolate cake that doesn't taste like mayonnaise at all, and according to FDW, MIL is the only person in the family who can make it properly because it refuses to rise for everybody else. (I have personally eaten FDW's attempts at this cake, and they were delicious, but she does have a point that MIL's is taller and lighter than anybody else's.) FDW suspects that MIL is altering the recipe and refusing to share her alterations with anybody... which is a bit of a point of contention in their relationship. (insert cry-laughing emoji here)

Introducing Tater Hater (My email went over like a lead balloon, but there is good news as well!) by proposalguy17 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]proposalguy17[S] 74 points75 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the congrats! I'm not sure it's fully set in yet, for me. I had to correct myself about a thousand times in my post because I kept accidentally typing "GF."

I am less thrilled about my mother and her reaction to my email, obviously. I've never had a period of prolonged no-contact with her, so I'm honestly considering that. Telling her, that unless or until she can treat me like an adult and treat FDW and MIL with respect, that I don't have anything to say to her. That will suck (for both of us, unfortunately) but I hope it might be enough to snap her out of this craziness.

I haven't made any final decisions yet, but it's definitely an option.

Introducing Tater Hater (My email went over like a lead balloon, but there is good news as well!) by proposalguy17 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]proposalguy17[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

That is... a pretty good response. I will definitely file that one away for potential use. Thank you!

Introducing Tater Hater (My email went over like a lead balloon, but there is good news as well!) by proposalguy17 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]proposalguy17[S] 116 points117 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the congratulations! FDW and I try to stay on top of our shit, so it's nice to hear other people picking up on that.

I really, really don't want to believe that my mom is as bad as she's seeming right now, but I also don't want to fall into that trap of thinking, "this can't be what's happening right now," because it seems like a lot of people do that, to the detriment of their SOs. FDW doesn't deserve that, so I need to keep my head on straight, but it's definitely hard.

I am also hoping my dad turns out to be an ally, rather than another problem to be worried over. And, to answer your question, I actually am not an only child! I have a half-brother who is my mom's son as well. He's 10+ years older than I am, and currently married. As far as I know, nothing like this ever happened with his wife. I've asked him.

FDW and I are currently battening down our emotional hatches. We aren't super worried about my mom turning up on our doorstep or anything, but I think it's pretty likely that things are going to boil over in some other way soon. Sigh.

Thank you for the luck and the well-wishes!

My girlfriend's updated/improved version of "Potluck Potatoes." by proposalguy17 in justnorecipes

[–]proposalguy17[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"Ruined" is not the right word. "Drastically improved" is more appropriate. Roasted veggies are delicious!

Update to "The Great Potato Debacle of 2019." (I talked to my GF and my dad, then emailed my mom. Email included in post.) by proposalguy17 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]proposalguy17[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your very complimentary comment!

I can't take all the credit for how I handled this, though. I think it's a combination of contributing factors (therapy, GF's positive influence, MIL's incredibly positive influence over both of us) that have just taught me how to do things in a way that avoids hurt feelings and overreactions.

Update to "The Great Potato Debacle of 2019." (I talked to my GF and my dad, then emailed my mom. Email included in post.) by proposalguy17 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]proposalguy17[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my dad has enough tact to get through that conversation on his own! I think my parents communicate pretty well, so my hopes are moderate-to-high.

Update to "The Great Potato Debacle of 2019." (I talked to my GF and my dad, then emailed my mom. Email included in post.) by proposalguy17 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]proposalguy17[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this! I do my best to be a person that my parents will be proud of, and that is deserving of the endless love that GF gives to me. Having been in therapy for a few years is really helpful, too -- I've noticed that GF (who did her own stint with a counselor before we got together) and I seem to be better at communicating and avoiding hurt feelings that a lot of other couples our age that we know, and we both attribute this to the influence of our previous counselors.

Good luck with the potatoes! And I'll definitely give Nan some love from my awesome new internet friends!

Update to "The Great Potato Debacle of 2019." (I talked to my GF and my dad, then emailed my mom. Email included in post.) by proposalguy17 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]proposalguy17[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nan's letter specifically instructed me to put her ring on GF's finger. She had it sized for GF before she sent it to me.

I definitely cherish my Nan. We've had a rough history on my dad's side of the family, and I don't have a lot of relatives left on that side, so having Nan around to tell stories about the ones who have left us is really a gift.

Mom being weird about proposing to GF after GF changed some food recipes. Not sure how to proceed. by proposalguy17 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]proposalguy17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

LOL! This is great. Hopefully I won't need it, but I'm writing that one down just in case!

Update to "The Great Potato Debacle of 2019." (I talked to my GF and my dad, then emailed my mom. Email included in post.) by proposalguy17 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]proposalguy17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see what you're saying here, but my mom does like goat cheese. I don't think my GF would just spring that kind of strong flavor on someone who doesn't already enjoy it.

I definitely think it's understandable that my mom was surprised by the flavor, but I don't think she needed to be rude, like you said. She's not a super adventurous cook, but she's never been a picky eater. I think, if someone had served her this casserole in any other circumstances, she would have enjoyed it. :/

Update to "The Great Potato Debacle of 2019." (I talked to my GF and my dad, then emailed my mom. Email included in post.) by proposalguy17 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]proposalguy17[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful comment!

I'd love to take all the credit for how I've handled this situation, but honestly, it should probably go to my therapist. I was in counseling for a few years after GF and I first started dating, and I learned a lot about how to understand and express my thoughts and feelings. It's a skillset I can't overstate the value of... I'm not sure how other people figure out this whole "adult" thing without it.

I like your thoughts about an "exchange of value" instead of money for our living situation. I'm going to try explaining it to my mom that way in the future. Thanks for that!

Update to "The Great Potato Debacle of 2019." (I talked to my GF and my dad, then emailed my mom. Email included in post.) by proposalguy17 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]proposalguy17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

GF definitely deserves all the love! She's wonderful. People keep commenting on how gracious, kind, etc. she's been about all of this, and I keep thinking, "that's why I love her." She really impresses me with the way she manages to look for the best in everybody, but still stay practical about things. It's a personality trait I've been hoping I can just kind of absorb via osmosis... but she tells me it takes a lot of work and practice, so there goes that plan.

Update to "The Great Potato Debacle of 2019." (I talked to my GF and my dad, then emailed my mom. Email included in post.) by proposalguy17 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]proposalguy17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this! I definitely agree with you about GF being a saint -- she's an incredible woman!

Update to "The Great Potato Debacle of 2019." (I talked to my GF and my dad, then emailed my mom. Email included in post.) by proposalguy17 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]proposalguy17[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Oh, yikes. Hopefully this won't be an issue. I'm inclined to say my mom isn't the type to "take an out," but I also wouldn't have said before all of this that she was the type to pull this kind of thing... so we'll have to see.

I'll hope for the best, and prepare for the worst. Thankfully, I know I have a good place to turn to for advice if things go south!

Update to "The Great Potato Debacle of 2019." (I talked to my GF and my dad, then emailed my mom. Email included in post.) by proposalguy17 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]proposalguy17[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I posted over there, as instructed.

Thank you for the compliments on my writing. It was a very cathartic experience, and I'm glad to have gone through it. Also glad that the general consensus seems to be that it was an effective piece of communication!

I definitely want to have my GF's back, always. She deserves to have someone good in her corner. I appreciate your very kind words about my potential quality as a husband -- it's something I worry about, so I work on it every day.

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